Oh Tony so sorry you have to come here. I am by no means the most experienced person on here and I am sure there will be others along in time to offer advice. All I can do is tell you my husband's story and urge you and your wife to remain positive.
This horrible disease can have many twists and turns but I have found the time after diagnosis to be the blackest period when there is so much uncertainly and fear especially when you are faced with what may seem impossible choices. Once the treatment option is decided upon you will find the mist lifts and you move to the next stage.
My husband was diagnosed last year, aged 53, we were only married 2 years and he is the love of my life. It was a real bolt from the blue. He had no symptoms and had never had a day sick in his working life.
We were offered surgery, brachy, RT and HT. His view was just to get rid. I was worried about nerve sparing, but to be honest if it came to it, I would rather have him alive. He had surgery in October, which was pretty tough, followed by additional surgery for stenosis. He has just finished 37 sessions of RT and is on HT for 2 years, mainly due to positive margins after surgery.
Apart from time off after surgery he has continued working. I don't know what has kept him going, but he has kept me going with his positive attitude and focus to get better. Sure he has had all the side effects going, he is taking Viagra and whilst our sex life has now got to be planned in advance..we make up for it in other ways and it has brought us closer
I guess my point is to stay positive and to take every day as it comes, you may or may not get all the side effects, you may or may not have nerve sparing if you opt for surgery. You may have to have RT after surgery. We thought a clean cut would be the end of it
There are many options, do your homework, take your time before you make any decision. Talk to more people on here, look up their profiles and you will see there are many outcomes and it is not always doom and gloom..
(Hope that wasn't too rambling.. good luck,, others will be along soon )