Hi All,
It's been a roller coaster of a month. Diagnosis, breaking the news to kids, Dad, Family, Friends & work. After a plethora of immediate responses pledging support, it's amazing how most friends have disappeared into the woodwork after the initial C word mention.
I was expecting the Cancer, I've got all the symptoms but at a snip of a lad age of 44, I've been dismissed as 'too young' for a long time. I first consulted my GP about pain urinating & poor flow in 2010. It was dismissed as a urinary infection & after several courses of antibiotics I suppose I just learned to live with it.
My bladder movements have dictated life out and about for a long time too. I put this down to middle age & had a chuckle about it with the kids.
Work have been excellent, I've agreed with them a 3 week holiday immediately prior to the op & 8 weeks sick leave (to be reviewed as necessary) all with full pay. They are paying for me to have the op privately too.
I work in an open plan office with maybe 50 other people, again, everyone has been lovely but conversations & social visits to my desk are drying up, as if the cancer is the elephant in the room all the time.
I sat down with my MD last week and discussed who was best placed to pick up my 5 construction projects whilst I was away. After a briefing, 3 other managers are dividing my work between them & I'm now spending my time handing everything over to them & overseeing the transition.
Fab but these are my projects, I grew them from nothing, nurturing them into exciting buildings with my personality & styling all over them. It hit me today as I saw the other guys picking up the day to day items & me feeling lost & useless. I've been leaving work early for the past 2 weeks. I can't raise a gallop. In all fairness, I seem to have some medical appointment or other to go to.
I get the feeling no one expects me to return, like I've got something they may catch if they spend too much time with me, like everyone is treading on egg shells. Very strange.
I've taken my eye off my health regime, eating rubbish & training in a lazy fashion. It's taking all my energy and focus just to put one foot in front of the other at the moment. I've got two big races booked within the next month so I'm hoping they focus me a little. My weight has ballooned by a stone over the past 3 months & this is getting me down too.
Please kick me up the arse to get me through & stop the moaning lol. .
.
Life's a Marathon. Run in peace. |
User
Hi Carlos,
OK - you have my sympathy, because in my opinion you have already overcome the worst aspects of PCa.
I found that confronting my own mortality was easy, knowing that I might only have 3-5 years left was a walk in the park. But telling my wife, children, friends and colleagues was far more difficult.
You have done that, and I guess for many of your colleagues and less intimate friends you may be the first person they know to have cancer, they don't know what to say, especially if you are walking around with a long face.
But if you cheer up and make a joke of your cancer you will be giving them the green light to treat it with the contempt it deserves, make light of it, remember the adage - I MAY HAVE CANCER, BUT CANCER HASN'T GOT ME!
So having got that out of the way, it is time to kick yourself up the arse and get on with life.
Firstly work isn't that important, as Karl Marx said 'If work was good for you, the rich would have found a way of keeping it to themselves'.
I am retired now, but looking back on my career, where I headed an office and was a 'dynamic leader', I am afraid to say it was all pretty irrelevant, if I hadn't lived the world wouldn't be very much different. I used to get passionate and have arguments about my pet projects which in hindsight was silly.
You may come to see this cancer as a wake up call, 'Man who is born of woman has but a short time to live', so you now have a chance to evaluate what is really important in your life, and spend time enjoying yourself.
For me it is time spent with my wife and family, the top ten great days of my life include the days my children were born, the day I gave my daughter away, the fun days we have had on holiday, I cannot think of work related achievement that would make it into my top 40!
:)
Dave
User
Hi Carlos,
One of the worst things about this disease is how it just seems to take over your life, and the comment about it being like a bereavement I have found particularly true. As a partner, I found it helped to take back as much control as is possible, the attention to my health and my partners well being were the obvious thing here so eating healthily, exercise, etc were a helpful diversionary tactic ! Do give yourself time, the people who are real friends will stay, despite your diagnosis and you may well find many new people not driven into the woodwork by your diagnosis. Keep posting, I could not have coped with the last year without this forum !
Best wishes, Fiona.
User
Well done Carlos, I think a lot of people have been brought closer together after dx. A lot of people also realise, as Dave has said, what is really important in life.
People react differently when told you have cancer, some don't know what to say, some say too much and some apologise "I have cancer..." "...oh sorry"...."not your fault"
I tend not to talk about it to others, When people ask how I am (who don't know my dx) I just say I'm fine thanks, beats a well actually how long have you got
I'm glad the running shoes are back on.
Keep posting
Bri
User
Keep that arse in top gear Carlos!
User
Hi Carlos
The waiting between tests, for results and then the op itself is one of the worst parts. You probably just want to get on with it now and get the op out of the way.
Enjoy the nights out with your mates but you will find they dont want to know about the after effects. They probably will be pleased its not them that has to have the op and consequences. I didnt really talk about it to male friends or male family as i felt embarrassed and they did too.Have you joined a support group? I did and it was a great help. You could talk openly about incontinence and ED. Also talking here was a great help. Since the op I have only talked about it here and with the support group. I did mention incontinence to 2 close friends but felt after that it would have been better if i hadn't. did they really want to know? it's just i got so used to openly discussing it here and in the group that i felt i was quite normal to speak to others!
Dont worry about being vulnerable. This is a difficult and worrying time.You have had a hell of a shock and you are used to be independent. You are feeling a bit lost at home and at work. I think you have 3 weeks off before the op so keep busy. Must be plenty of jobs around the house and of course keep the fitness training up. someone said to me treat the op as a boxing match and get to that fitness level. I think you are much fitter than me and younger so you have that on your side.
Your psa is very similar to mine and you are a young and fit man. so recovery should be good.
If you have any questions feel free to pm me.
Keep positive and smiling. you will be fine
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User
Hi Carlos,
Consider your arse kicked, I said in my first post to you that being fit and not over weigh is pretty important if you've opted to go down the op route. I realise loosing weigh is not the easiest of things to do, but as your a runner this should be a huge help. I found going jogging was the best way to shed the pounds.
I hear what you're saying about people and the big C, personally I never experienced this at work or outside of work. I guess it's down to ignorance of the people and them not understanding prostate cancer, in fact any form of cancer, it ain't contagious.
I was also lucky in that my company treated me very well, I had a lot more than 8 weeks off, I thought what was the point in rushing back you don't get any medals for doing so. Mind you I was able to do a lot of my work from home on the PC, as a project manager emails were my biggest tool.
Have you had your bladder checked out? I had a lot of similar troubles, which didn't clear up until they discovered that I had a bladder stone the size of a golf ball. Bladder stones aren't painful, unlike kidney stones, they just cause havoc with your flow.
Keep battling on.
Stu
User
No wonder you're feeling "down" Carlos. You've put your "children" up for adoption and you're concerned they won't be treated as well or successfully by others as you would have done. Maybe not, but in a business context they will be looked after.
Know what you mean about the cancer, When my grandson was diagnosed my daughter would get upset because mums she was used to speaking with at the school gate would literally cross the road in town to avoid her.
When it was her own turn with bowel cancer the same thing happened.
She found it incredibly hurtful although I'm sure they didn't intend it like that. People are so wary of touching a raw spot or saying something inappropriate that, for them, it's easier to say nothing at all.
It's like bereavement. People just don't know what to say. They don't realise that just the gripping of a hand and a quick "how are you" can make a real difference.
You'll lose the weight, you know you will. You are already well on the way with that because you know it's necessary so you'll do it.
Good luck with the dieting and the racing and stop beating yourself up. Just get on with it - you know you can - you've done it before.
You've lost a bit of motivation is all. Not surprisingly since your body has been through it.
Give yourself time to start healing before you panic about not getting things done as they were before.
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
Hi Carlos,
OK - you have my sympathy, because in my opinion you have already overcome the worst aspects of PCa.
I found that confronting my own mortality was easy, knowing that I might only have 3-5 years left was a walk in the park. But telling my wife, children, friends and colleagues was far more difficult.
You have done that, and I guess for many of your colleagues and less intimate friends you may be the first person they know to have cancer, they don't know what to say, especially if you are walking around with a long face.
But if you cheer up and make a joke of your cancer you will be giving them the green light to treat it with the contempt it deserves, make light of it, remember the adage - I MAY HAVE CANCER, BUT CANCER HASN'T GOT ME!
So having got that out of the way, it is time to kick yourself up the arse and get on with life.
Firstly work isn't that important, as Karl Marx said 'If work was good for you, the rich would have found a way of keeping it to themselves'.
I am retired now, but looking back on my career, where I headed an office and was a 'dynamic leader', I am afraid to say it was all pretty irrelevant, if I hadn't lived the world wouldn't be very much different. I used to get passionate and have arguments about my pet projects which in hindsight was silly.
You may come to see this cancer as a wake up call, 'Man who is born of woman has but a short time to live', so you now have a chance to evaluate what is really important in your life, and spend time enjoying yourself.
For me it is time spent with my wife and family, the top ten great days of my life include the days my children were born, the day I gave my daughter away, the fun days we have had on holiday, I cannot think of work related achievement that would make it into my top 40!
:)
Dave
User
Hi Carlos,
One of the worst things about this disease is how it just seems to take over your life, and the comment about it being like a bereavement I have found particularly true. As a partner, I found it helped to take back as much control as is possible, the attention to my health and my partners well being were the obvious thing here so eating healthily, exercise, etc were a helpful diversionary tactic ! Do give yourself time, the people who are real friends will stay, despite your diagnosis and you may well find many new people not driven into the woodwork by your diagnosis. Keep posting, I could not have coped with the last year without this forum !
Best wishes, Fiona.
User
carlos
i feel for you all virtual hugs coming your way
in pauls case he was very open about it to his work colleagues and may i add everybody who he came into contact with
as a result they treated him the same
he had his op 6 weeks ago but cant see him going back for another month as his job is a physical one
fiona i know exactly what you mean reading this forum has enabled me to regain control which suffering from anxiety /depression is what i needed to do
User
Thanks guys:-) very wise words from you all.
I've been totally open with everyone & even gave a talk to the whole office last week as it was 'men's cancer awareness week' in the construction industry. I had everyone laughing as I usually do & a lot of guys have booked a PSA test too.
Folks are coming round & I think you're right, they're frightened of saying the wrong thing, when all I want them to say is anything and be normal with me.
Had a huge day today, back to back meetings from 9am to 4pm. Ashamed to say, I indulged on the chocolate biscuits but that's the last of it. I'm off for a quick 5 mile run before dinner & looking forward to run club speed sessions tomorrow. I'll shift this stone of Lard before the op in 6 weeks time:-)
Forgot to say, & I shouldn't that my wife has been amazing. We had a difficult 2013 & briefly seperated too but we are back together & stronger than ever & we will come through this in better shape than we could possibly dream of.
Positive Carlos is getting his arse in gear and ready to take on the worst.
Thanks again.
.
Life's a Marathon. Run in peace. |
User
Well done Carlos, I think a lot of people have been brought closer together after dx. A lot of people also realise, as Dave has said, what is really important in life.
People react differently when told you have cancer, some don't know what to say, some say too much and some apologise "I have cancer..." "...oh sorry"...."not your fault"
I tend not to talk about it to others, When people ask how I am (who don't know my dx) I just say I'm fine thanks, beats a well actually how long have you got
I'm glad the running shoes are back on.
Keep posting
Bri
User
Keep that arse in top gear Carlos!
User
Carlos
Come on mate you have a lot of support here and We all want to see another success story. I was lucky that two of the guys at work had prostate problems but not cancer and the boss had lost his elderly father with prostate cancer, so we all compared experiences. I found that I hesitated when saying the word cancer, but since having the all clear the word now flows off the tongue. When people who knew I had cancer said "how are You" I just bored their pants off telling them all about the experience. I work in the electrical contracting industry and like a lot of guys I felt there was a stigma about the ED and Incontinence, now I am totally honest and even talk to strangers on site about it. Echo the comments about the situation can strengthen relationships, we are all different but be open and have fun especially after the op. So come on buck up and get on with its only another one of your building projects. You are going to have good and bad days (just like you projects) and in six months time you will wonder what all the fuss was about. If you have not already spoken to one of the nurses on this site then do it, they are brilliant.
All the best.
Chris
User
Hi Carlos.
i was diagnosed last september and had robotic surgery october. 2 blood tests undetectable so far.
first 4 weeks after diagnosis was awful. very down even though scans clear. then got my head round it all and eventually you decide to fight it. i go to the gym alot but didnt go for those 4 weeks. then i returned and put in a really good session one day. i felt great. i realised i was still the same person and still fit but yes there was something slightly wrong inside me. so i decided to fight it and got my self really fit for the op. best thing i did. became so positive. doctor said your fitness would carry you through. he was right. so keep running and get yourself even fitter
my friends were fantastic. but sadly i had problems with some people like experiences you have had..either not knowing what to say or just not interested.at times like these you find out who your friends are!!its good to be open with everyone if you can deal with it. after my op i spent alot of time promoting the issue and getting male friends to think about testing.
so 8 months on and am feeling good. i dont quite have the fitness i had but i am going to the gym and swimming 3 times a week. mentally i still find it hard to take in what has happened to me. i have never had a serious illness, no family history of prostate cancer and no symptoms. only regular blood tests showed it up.
the problem of incontinence disappeared after 6 months and i can tell you that was great relief as i expected it to be a problem for the rest of my life, even if a minor one.
good luck with everything. you are young and i am sure you will be fine.
lets us all know how you get on
User
Thank you John. I have hope and optimism & your post a real boost.
Fantastic results
Life's a Marathon. Run in peace. |
User
Hi Carlos
The waiting between tests, for results and then the op itself is one of the worst parts. You probably just want to get on with it now and get the op out of the way.
Enjoy the nights out with your mates but you will find they dont want to know about the after effects. They probably will be pleased its not them that has to have the op and consequences. I didnt really talk about it to male friends or male family as i felt embarrassed and they did too.Have you joined a support group? I did and it was a great help. You could talk openly about incontinence and ED. Also talking here was a great help. Since the op I have only talked about it here and with the support group. I did mention incontinence to 2 close friends but felt after that it would have been better if i hadn't. did they really want to know? it's just i got so used to openly discussing it here and in the group that i felt i was quite normal to speak to others!
Dont worry about being vulnerable. This is a difficult and worrying time.You have had a hell of a shock and you are used to be independent. You are feeling a bit lost at home and at work. I think you have 3 weeks off before the op so keep busy. Must be plenty of jobs around the house and of course keep the fitness training up. someone said to me treat the op as a boxing match and get to that fitness level. I think you are much fitter than me and younger so you have that on your side.
Your psa is very similar to mine and you are a young and fit man. so recovery should be good.
If you have any questions feel free to pm me.
Keep positive and smiling. you will be fine