Do I give up fight

User

Posted 08 Jul 2014 at 20:03

My husband fell three weeks ago and chipped bone in hip and broke his wrist He is totally imobile and they are not attemting to move him

His treatment in hospital was appauling but thats another story

They have now put in in a hospice

I didnt expect him to live he was so dreadfully ill but there has been some improvement He is very doped up with painkillers but is battling to stay alive

Now they have given up on him as they say his platlets are low and his HB is low They have given him a blood transfusion

His PSA is 3.5 and I know he has extensive bone mets

Should I insist on treatment he is to ill for chemo Am I being cruel thinking I should battle to keep him alive I have fought for over a year to get him the best he can possibly can

User

Posted 09 Jul 2014 at 00:31

I am sorry you have such a difficult situation to deal with and as you are no doubt aware, there is no correct answer to the question. This is one of the big moral dilemmas of our times. If the roles were reversed, what would you want your husband to do for you?

Not only must you think of your husband, but you must also look after yourself, both physically and mentally. In the longer term, what will help you in the future; knowing you helped prolong a life of your husband with who is fighting to live, or letting him go and possibly avoiding unnecessary suffering.

I really feel for you in what is an impossible situation.

Paul

Stay Calm And Carry On.

User

Posted 09 Jul 2014 at 10:37

Dear Jennifer,

My heart goes out to you. As Paul says there is no correct answer,

I'm glad he replied first because I was struggling to think what to say.

I can only echo all his sentiments and perhaps add..... follow your heart.

We all feel for you in this awful situation.

Warmest wishes,

George

B2PCa

User

Posted 09 Jul 2014 at 14:36

Hi Jennifer, I certainly empathise with the battling !

This is such a hard situation that I guess comes to us all with loved ones with PCa. It sounds like the least your husbands situation needs is some sort of multidisciplinary meeting, where you are aware of all the options, if there are some, and the pros and cons of these to allow you both to make an informed choice. His current health will largely dictate what is, or is not possible.

My heart goes out to you both. Neil keeps saying he does not want to 'linger ' and as a wife or partner it puts us in such a hard place, not wanting to lose someone we love greatly but not wanting them to suffer when life seems to have little to offer. I echo the other comments about your own health and well being, look after yourself, hard tough it may seem. You have done the very best you can from your post.

Love, Fiona.

User

Posted 09 Jul 2014 at 17:23

Jennifer my heart goes out to you and I totally understand your dilemma, I lost my wonderful husband to this horrible disease 5 weeks ago. We were in a very similar situation. Any discussion with the palliative care team at the hospice will need to be asked for, Mick and i talked through the things he felt he could cope with and the things he could not. We asked for an end of life care plan to be set up. This involved the multi disciplinary team going through with us what treatments he might need, where he would prefer to have them done etc. It was a very emotional meeting but Mick said he felt much beter mentally knowing that he had made his wishes known so that a) they could be followed and b) to take the emotional pressure off me.

If you can cope with it read the thread "Micks day of reckoning" posts around the middle of may give much more insight to the process.

I wish you the very best and applaud you for having the courage to post about this.

Xxx

User

Posted 09 Jul 2014 at 19:35

I am so so grateful for all your replies It has helped a little Thankyou everyone x

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