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Today is the First Day of the Rest of my Life

User
Posted 12 Mar 2015 at 23:14

Steve sadly you have found yourself in a very bad place. This is understandable with all you have been through. However, you recognise that missing hours and days may be regretted in better times. Julie and others here have summed it all up I think and given sound suggestions. The point appears to have come to bare all to your doctor and ask and if needed demand help regarding your protracted low mood. Hopefully this can also involve your wife. Depression is a devastating condition and is hard for loved ones to understand . I suffered from Depression when my children were growing up and I am sad that I missed some of the joy of their childhood. Having this history I have also been quite down at times of my OH's journey with Pca. I truly believe that if you get this condition treated appropriately you may bounce back to the positive bloke that is the real you.. Cheers Georgina from Oz.

Edited by member 12 Mar 2015 at 23:17  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 12 Mar 2015 at 23:38

Just a few extra thoughts Steve, I don't know if you have debts but these all add to worries and extra pressure which you don't need at the moment. 

Debt management have down loadable forms that you can print you then fill these in and offer £1.00 per month to anyone that you owe monies to and they have to accept this, so there is help out there. I know that you are not feeling well enough to organise this but as Dave has suggested the CAB can organise this for you.

Hope this helps

X

BFN

Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 13 Mar 2015 at 06:54
Hi Steve, like others, I am sorry that you are somewhere where we all could be at some stage. I have no experience of what doctors can do but have worked in the finance industry all my life and all that has taught me is absolute honesty normally brings out the reasonableness in people. By absolute I mean everything, some people may not care but the human side in most does come out normally. I like everyone else on this forum really care Steve so don't give up. Kev.

Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019

User
Posted 13 Mar 2015 at 07:41

In life many events happen which are out of our control, you are 60+ years old I believe, you must have made many good decisions to get to where your are now, provided for your family built a home etc, 

your not being singled out by some unforseen power at work ,this difficult period will pass in time, consider confiding in your family members as they know you best ,they care and love you, if thats possible and if you can return to work maybe thats what you need to do sooner rather than later,

being at home with an illness no income , seeing your savings ebbing away,  is a soul distroying experience, not many people really know whats its like,all what you worked for is now being taken away

Being self employed is no fun when work stops, its a painful experience, I know this from personal experience, the passed 4 years I lost my businees, my income, and my savings,  because of Illness, I'm not blaming anyone ,I got no state benefit apart from state pension,

my wife works part time, we get by, my salvation has been my family and friends.

User
Posted 13 Mar 2015 at 08:54

Hello Steve.

I've said it all in a personal message but young man your box if FULL and cannot accept anymore messages.

Obviously you have struck a cord with all of us and it shows from the messages above

Get reading Steve, we need you to know how we all care. XX

Best Wishes to you and your wife

Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 13 Mar 2015 at 09:19
Steve, I can only agree with what everyone else has said but would it be possible to sit down with your wife, take stock, list all the suggestions above and work through them one at a time in order of importance. Once you start ticking things off you will feel better, seeing what you've done and achieved.

Best wishes to you and your family.

Arthur

User
Posted 13 Mar 2015 at 09:56

If your inbox is full, can not contact you there.

Any progress on the heating problem?

Regarding debts or payment agreements due to companies, it is in their interest to reach an arrangement with you to enable you to keep afloat and maintain payments even if at a reduced rate for a time.

You mentioned some time ago that your support and interest from your OH was, changeable. You are both dealing with a lot, she had her health scare. Has SHE seen anyone for support, her GP for example? Don't be slow talking to family about the issues you are facing? There may be help available in the family that you are not aware of and that family may not know you are in need of?

If you are both under all sorts of pressures you may not be able to manage just trying to support each other without additional external support of some kind?

Just a thought considering what you have posted awhile ago and recently.

dave

User
Posted 13 Mar 2015 at 12:31

Steve, you sound so low, we are all worried about you.

You need to speak to someone who can help.

Have you thought of contacting the Samaritans? I have no experience of them but they will have known many others feeling as you do...and could suggest some help.

Please try them.

Alison x

User
Posted 13 Mar 2015 at 13:24
Hi Steve, have no words of wisdom but cannot pass by your thread with no comment. You have many wonderful friends on this site who care very much about you and I agree with all the advice given.

You sound a truly wonderful guy, sending you Positive thoughts and hope that your visit to your gp will help.

Take care Steve.

Lesley x

User
Posted 13 Mar 2015 at 14:13

Hi Steve,

I don't always respond to your posts mainly because your treatment path and health issues are very different to mine and I am unable to offer any advice...

I do however read all your posts and I can see and understand just what a difficult time you are going through at the moment.

I can't add to the advice already given, but just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts, and I sincerely hope that you and your wife can get the help you both so very much deserve and need..

Best Wishes

Luther

 

User
Posted 13 Mar 2015 at 17:19
Awww Steve

I think you know we all love you here, we know you've been to hell and back and it's taken its toll on you and yours. Great advice given, can I also suggest MacMillan for financial advice -they may be able to help too.

I don't know if you have done any military service but if you have then SAAFA could help or one of the service benevolent funds. It's so unfair that your life can be ripped apart by an illness like this. I wish I could help and I know everyone here is the same.

Steve, one of my friends did sell their house when her hubby got Pca, they then got a council bungalow and are pretty blooming happy to be honest. They have got cash in the bank and a nice place to call home. I wish I knew what they did to get this and can ask them if it would be of interest.

I hope you can feel this huge wave of love and concern washing over you.

Love and hugs

Allison

User
Posted 13 Mar 2015 at 20:25

Selling the house maybe should be not necessary even to consider yet?

"Creative" borrowing, working the financial system, could provide a solution to any problems in the short to medium term, which may resolve the issues being faced?

Accepting that the principle can not borrow, it may be possible for associates of the principal to borrow on existing CC and then take out new CC on a zero % transfer basis, pay off the minimum each month. May help?

But, the point being made by Devonmaid about owning a house not necessarily being the "be all and end all" is a point well made.

dave

Edited by member 13 Mar 2015 at 20:42  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 13 Mar 2015 at 21:34
Hi Steve

Sorry to hear you have been going through a hard time at the moment.

Our forum friends have offered some good advice. Just wanted you to know you are also in my thoughts.

Please don't give up Steve. Things may be hard at the moment but you will get through this.

Sending you my best wishes.

User
Posted 14 Mar 2015 at 01:30

Tiny steps, one at a time.

Go and see the GP as soon as you can - take a print out of this thread or write down how you have been feeling and give it to him or her.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 14 Mar 2015 at 13:12
Just been taken to A&E by ambulance. Can't do anymore.

Steve

User
Posted 14 Mar 2015 at 14:17

Who knows more about Steve? Real name? Address or mobile number? Wife's name? Facebook account? Anything that can help us find out what has happened and how he is?

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 14 Mar 2015 at 14:18

Obviously not that any of these details should be posted openly on here though :-(

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 14 Mar 2015 at 16:05

Thanks for replies via PM - I have left a message on Steve's home number and will let people know if I hear anything. I do hope that he is okay and I imagine that his family were very aware of how low he was feeling - perhaps the stress combined with reducing his medication caused his heart rate to dip too low again.

Thinking of you Steve x

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 14 Mar 2015 at 16:31
Don't worry, admitted with chest pains. Post again when I can.

Steve

User
Posted 14 Mar 2015 at 16:59

Pray you get the rest and care, physically and emotionally, you need.

Paul

Stay Calm And Carry On.
 
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