I'm interested in conversations about and I want to talk about

Know exactly what you want?

Show search

Notification

Error

Today is the First Day of the Rest of my Life

Email this conversation Print this conversation

User

Posted 16 Mar 2015 at 16:48

Hi Joy,

I really appreciate your message to me. You gave me some really good advice. Thank you.

I think it's a really good idea to apply for a Macmillan Grant because I feel I am in great need considering my recent circumstances. It would help a lot.

I did recently had a very useful conversation on the phone with a Macmillan nurse and she was very helpful.

Don't worry about the slight mistake about my condition being "terminal ". I didn't mind. It was a very easy mistake considering the number of people on this site.

I look forward to you posting again soon.

Please keep in touch.

Steve x

Edited by member 16 Mar 2015 at 16:50 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 16 Mar 2015 at 17:30

Hi Steve,

You are not alone, but maybe now is the time for you to start talking to your wife openly and totally honestly about your health and situation? Having to lie to her about meeting up with the group at Newark is a terrible position to be in.

You may feel as though you are protecting her from whatever, but the sooner she knows how bad things are, the sooner she can start to come to terms with the issues that you are facing, and she will have to deal with. Just a thought?

Hope all is going well in the hospital for you? Is she able to visit you at all?

dave

User

Posted 16 Mar 2015 at 17:49

Hi Titanic,

I think it's worthwhile making the point that I have always thought I was really fortunate compared many people in the world and in this country. I count my blessings.

During my career I have witnessed many awful things and met people having to cope with terrible circumstances. I've had to do pictures of parents with children who have terminal illnesses who've never had chance of life. I remember one four year old who died a few hours after I left him. That hit me really hard.

So I do accept that there are many others who are much worse off than me.

I consider myself to be lucky that I have a cancer where I have a chance of a cure. The same with my heart attack. I was told if it had happened when I was on my travels, miles away anywhere, I would have died. So God was protecting me on that day.

If I'm destined to die from one of my illnesses I will not resent that happening because I will have tried everything I could to survive. I obviously would prefer to live as long as I could and would be heartbroken that I would have to leave my family, but I couldn't complain about the life I've lived. It's been wonderful, I have no complaints.

So I don't think you can you really judge a person unless you really know them. I might moan about my circumstances but I think everyone does from time to time, me probably more than most but it means I get it out of my system.

Steve

Edited by member 16 Mar 2015 at 18:13 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 16 Mar 2015 at 18:38

Thank you for your reply Steve. Sorry I hadn't read your profile completely. I still think you should have a look at the PIP on the dwp site because you may be eligible due to your heart condition.
Fifteen years ago my hubby was dx with multiple sclerosis and luckily that didn't progress much, then just before Christmas my beautiful daughter was dx with it but again fingers crossed she has the same one as her dad. I also lost my mon last year to pancreatic cancer and now have my dad living with us. I am not a regular church person but I do believe. Many years ago when my daughter was a baby and very poorly the specialist said try to think we are sent these things to cope with because we are strong and others may not be able to cope with it we are chosen. I know that sounds strange but I took comfort from it at a bad time. For my part I think protecting your wife is admirable, but she may wish to share with you. Us women do like looking after our men, give her that opportunity.
Please stay strong and heed mo,s advice writing is therapeutic.
My hubby has just had his first cycle of Cabazataxel today so I will update my post soon.
Take care
Joy xxxx

User

Posted 16 Mar 2015 at 19:04

Steve
the very insensitive post you are replying to seems to have been removed, so has my response to it. Not sure who by or how but probably it is for the best. I am not normally someone who bites when bait is dangled but that was really harsh and unnecessary not to mention misleading. If it helps I think it was actually just someone having a go at me. Not exactly something I need right now either.
xx
Mo

User

Posted 16 Mar 2015 at 19:05

Hi,

Just thought I better update my situation. Spending another night in hospital.

I saw the Cardiac consultant this morning. He gave me the good news that I didn't have another heart attack but they are going to check me out to see if they find out if my heart is performing as it should.

I had an intensive treadmill test which nearly finished me off. They gradually increased the intensity until I was running up quite a steep slope. Hadn't worked out like for months. They asked me to let them know if I was going to die because they wanted to stop me before I did because it would cause them too much paperwork if I did. Ended up very breathless and dizzy.

Then I was finally fitted with my 24hr portable heart monitor (first requested on February 13th) because it looked as though I could leave hospital this evening once the tests were out of the way. Hit a problem because the treadmill tests needed to be reviewed before the Echo Stress test was done. As it turns out, that test has been arranged for 4.10 tomorrow afternoon so that's how I've ended up here for another night.

The problem is now that my 24hr monitor will only take readings of me laying in bed and not when I'm doing my daily activities. So it's a bit of a waste of time. Disappointed about that.

Let you know more later.

Steve

User

Posted 16 Mar 2015 at 19:21

Steve

I've taken my post off...didnt want to appear offensive or uncaring ....did try to send you a PM but your box is full up

last year I had my prostate op, my father inlaw was in care, we were paying the princely sum of £900 pw I had not worked for some two year previous I as had cardiac problems, I could no longer work at my business as I was so ill, it was a difficult time emotionally and financially, I had the grim reaper on my shoulder for a few years, hes now gone elsewhere, it never rains it pours springs to mind

on both occassions I was fortunate to get medical treatment and I've turned a corner, so dont give up hope they can do wonderful things now days, it may take a while for them to diagnose your cardiac issues and hopefully they can offer your treatment..hang in there and chin up

User

Posted 16 Mar 2015 at 20:23

Hi Mo,

Thanks.

Steve x

User

Posted 16 Mar 2015 at 20:42

Hi Titanic,

Sorry, haven't cleared my inbox not easy just at the moment in hospital.

I know things I write sometimes when I'm tired end up sounding wrong when I read them later. I deleted quite a few when I've reread them.

I'm sorry you've experienced really difficult times in the past. I think you can only do your best to work through things and hope things improve.

Thank you for removing the post. I think it was the best thing to do. I know you have sent me some really supportive messages in the past. They've always been welcome.

Life's too short to fall out with anyone, especially those going through what we're going through.

Steve

User

Posted 16 Mar 2015 at 21:32

Steve
dont worry about the posts, they have been dealt with in the best possible way. You just focus on what is good for you right now.
I do think when you get home you need to have a really honest and open chat with your wife she may be feeling left out and a little helpless herself right now. This is all going to be a scary time for her too, as Carole and others have said support is sometimes just as critical for partners and family as it is for you.
You should also ask the consultant tomorrow if you should keep that monitor for an extra 24 hours so that it tracks on a more realistic day's activity.

I Hope you get a good nights sleep and feel much better tomorrow
x
Mo

User

Posted 16 Mar 2015 at 22:20

I agree with mo. There are positives everywhere look for them, find them, then we'll go sing it on the mountains .
Night night
Joy xx

User

Posted 16 Mar 2015 at 23:20

Well I have no idea what has been going on I just nipped of to the vet, paid the vethttp://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-yell.gif cooked, cleaned, cleaned, cooked and then cleaned again you have know idea how mucky puppies can be. http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-yell.gif

So lots of good advice, some very deep open posts and good news it is not a Heart ATTACK. I did pick up on a few things that Carol said earlier and I must admit that this thought had occurd to me, if every thing comes back normal on the heart issues it might be worthwhile checking that these issues are not stress related, I am saying this not only because you have been through such a lot but my friend who I mentioned earlier her tests are all coming back normal and the next step will be to test if she is having panic attacks. Sometimes when there doesn't seem to be an obvious answer it is very easy to give up and not pursue or push for a dx . Keep going Steve you could always do a Trevor and refuse to leave until you get an answer. You would have to be prepared for A Hospital food for a week and B lots of clean JIM JAMS.http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-yell.gif

As for talking with your wife, not everybody has the perfect partnership , and not every partnership is perfect. My friends fill the gap and can relate far better than Trevor in a lot of hard times, in fact he is pretty useless at any deep meaningful, emotional conversation so I have a back up of girl friends . I suppose what I am trying to say is if the forum is your back up then that is just as good , recognising the weakness in our partners is just as important as seeing there strength's .

I would PM you but I have heard through the grape vine that your IN BOX is full http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-yell.gif

Stay strong.

BFN

Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON

User

Posted 17 Mar 2015 at 00:45

Julie, sometimes I think you have absolutely no idea what a special person you are x

Steve, you sound brighter tonight but like me and Julie, you post far too late when you should be getting some sleep. Mo is a machine and runs on batteries

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User

Posted 17 Mar 2015 at 18:51

Hi,

Arrived home about thirty minutes ago feeling rather frustrated. Going to have a bath and eat then sleep, feeling really tired after spending four days in bed, amazingly.

I'll give more details later.

Steve

User

Posted 18 Mar 2015 at 11:36

Steve
I hope you are feeling a bit brighter this morning. Maybe I should lend you my batteries? I am not convinced I run on them entirely Lyn?!!

I am going to be travelling in a few days time and for a while Steve, so will only be checking in as and when I can.

I thought I would also let you know that I have signed up as a volunteer with PCUK for the study they are doing on SCC, you may recall all the issues Mick had when he had 2 incidents. I hope that all the events and issues I can remember so vividly will help others who are unfortunate enough to suffer an SCC.

I am telling you this as you may find with time on your hands that you might want to do some voluntary work, something that you can do from home with not too much physical effort. It does not bring money into the house but it can make you feel so much better about yourself and in some cases it can open doors of opportunity.

all the best
xx
Mo

User

Posted 18 Mar 2015 at 22:00

Hi Steve,
Just wanted to say glad to hear you are back home. Catch up with us all on the forum in your own time, and in the mean time take things easy, no pressure and be kind to yourself.....
Miss x

User

Posted 19 Mar 2015 at 08:11

Steve

Hope you're getting on OK at home, getting the physical and emotional support you need.

Paul

Stay Calm And Carry On.

User

Posted 19 Mar 2015 at 08:34

Hi,

Thanks. I will post and let you know what happened in hospital but I just feel too tired just now.

Hope everyone is well. I'm ok.

Steve

User

Posted 19 Mar 2015 at 11:44

Glad you are o.k. Take care xxx

User

Posted 21 Mar 2015 at 15:54

Hi,

Four months today since I had my heart attack.

That's a long time not to work but I am doing a shift for a newspaper tomorrow (with the Department of Work & Pension's approval under their permitted work scheme).

Be interesting to see how it goes.

Steve

Email this conversation Print this conversation

Join the online community now.

Click through to become a member and gain access to support, information and real time replies.