Today is the First Day of the Rest of my Life

User

Posted 07 Apr 2015 at 18:48

You won't be wearing a white shirt next time, I bet! Seriously, it's a problem with many medical treatments. One problem gets sorted leaving an issue elsewhere!

Paul

Stay Calm And Carry On.

User

Posted 10 Apr 2015 at 02:17

Hi,

In a couple of hours time, it will be twenty weeks since another uncertainty entered my life and I began another journey. I had my heart attack at 4.30am in the early hours of November 21st. and as they say, life will never be the same again. I didn't expect to have to say that twice in the same year as I'd thought that when I'd been diagnosed with PCa in June.

Oh well. That's life.

Steve

User

Posted 10 Apr 2015 at 06:40

Hi Steve

think you are feeling down again

Edited by member 18 Apr 2015 at 09:38 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 10 Apr 2015 at 07:03

20 weeks of your body fighting to stay alive, 20 times more healing, 20 times better and better. Here's to the next 20 - 20 times more healed, 20 times further away from the frights, 20 times more able to cope, 20 times fewer injections, 20 times more able to see a future ...
x

User

Posted 10 Apr 2015 at 07:17

Hi Carol,

No, I'm fine, just too much time to think at the moment. Also yesterday I did some work for the newspaper I was working for just hours before my heart attack, so it reminded me of the significance of that. I can't believe it's been that long when I was telling everyone I was only going to be off work for a short time. I think I totally underestimated the seriousness of the situation at that time.

I am back working but there is so little around that it is giving me a very gentle reintroduction into the job I love doing but I'm amazed how exhausting I find it. I suppose one advantage of the very limited work is that I still qualify for the benefit I'm on which helps just now.

So, Carol, I am very grateful about my situation and feel really lucky that whatever life throws at me, it hasn't finished me off yet.

Steve

Edited by member 10 Apr 2015 at 07:24 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 10 Apr 2015 at 07:19

Thanks, Steph.

Steve x

User

Posted 17 Apr 2015 at 02:27

Hi,

Well, the day had to come. Today, I begin work again, 21 weeks after having my heart attack in the early hours of Friday, 21st November.

In the last month, I have been allowed to do very limited work, so long as I don't earn over £104 per week. But now I will be back working normally, and my benefits stop immediately. A scary thought, no income until someone decides to pay my invoices.

My first job is this evening, at the top of the BT Tower (formally known as the Post Office Tower), so an interesting location. Tomorrow (Sat) I'm working a shift for a newspaper and on Wednesday I've a major graduation & award ceremony to cover. So some work to keep me going this week but there needs to be more for me to pay my bills.

The hospital's cardiac department rang me this week to cancel my stress echocardiogram test which I was due to have later this month and to rearrange it for 21st May. I should have had this while I was in hospital last month so a two month delay seems a little long to wait. Once that is out of the way, if it shows that my heart is reacting well when it's put under maximum stress then I feel nothing will stop me doing what I really want to.

As I write this, I'm apprehensive about what the future holds for me. I hope I can cope with the fatigue I feel so often. I hope that I can cope with the stress that I'm under. I worry about not having the confidence to handle work that I used to.

Am I the only one who has felt this way after returning to work after an illness? I should be looking forward to it. Last year, I used to say I never wanted to retire because I loved what I was doing so much. Now I feel so different, all I want to do is be with my family.

Steve

User

Posted 17 Apr 2015 at 04:30

Hi Steve, you are now exactly ( well hopefully without the heart issues) where I will be in 3 months. I can't offer you any advice other than like you I used to love work and now ( apart from the need for income) I find it so far down the priority list. Hopefully something will happen at work that gives you the buzz again and perhaps having that distraction may be a great thing too. I wish you well Steve but like me you need to be asleep after midnight!!!! Kev

Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019

User

Posted 17 Apr 2015 at 05:22

morning steve

just been reading some your posts, it must be tough going am only just setting off on my journey and finding the nights are very long, dont have the extra worry of working for myself the job I am in pays 6months full sick pay if I need it

not got a clue what the future holds but am trying to keep hold of what I know is in front of me, have the london marathon a week on sunday are you covering it for anyone, at least I am aware of someone I can ask re taking photos, am a canon man myself proper amatuer, like to try and take pics of wildlife, also hopeing to visit our grandkids in canada this year.

I keep reading lots of other peoples posts, still trying to get a good grip on what is happening, but the one thing I have realised is that I am not the only one, and no matter how harddone by or bad I may feel others are suffering as much if not more.

but this is a great place to come and air your concerns and worries, and people will offer help and support

run long and prosper

'pooh how do you spell love'

'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it'

User

Posted 17 Apr 2015 at 06:15

Morning Steve,

I can understand your anxiety about returning to work. Entirely natural feelings.

Hopefully your return to snapping will be like riding a bike, you never forget and before you know it you will be ordering people about and arranging them and objects to compose the best picture.

Hope it is a clear day when you are up the Tower? Good luck.

dave

User

Posted 17 Apr 2015 at 06:49

Hello Steve,

It's good news that one you are able to go back to work and that you have some work. Hopefully you will ease yourself in after all you've been through and more work we result as you network again etc. and income will flow.

If they're moving back the date for your echocardiogram that sounds like good news that it's not required asap.

I had taken early retirement then this PCa caught up with me and I felt that I had wasted my retirement as I didn't go out and do all sorts of things I thought I would or should. I worked for a major defence company and after all the stresses and strains all I wanted to do was sit quietly for a while, I'm still here today even if people who saw me in hospital said afterwards they didn't think I was going to come out! You're still here today Steve, do what you can if you can't just take one thing at a time and at a pace you can manage. My wife is disabled so what we do is - I do what she can't and she does what I can't. Sharing the load helps. We all have the same 24 hours in a day it's what we do with it that matters but we still have to keep the wolf from the door.

Sorry if I've rambled on, it's about you Steve not me but I'm hoping you will get through this early phase of going back to work versus family and things will balance out for you.

You're an encouragement to us all with all you've come through, sometimes when I don't get something it feels that I have to go round the mountain again, let's hope that you're on the other side of the mountain and don't have to go round it again.

Blessings, Arthur

Edited by member 17 Apr 2015 at 15:09 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 17 Apr 2015 at 09:04

Steve good morning

so glad you are bck to work, it will seem strange but what a great place to start up in the old PO tower, I remember it used to be a terrific view up there on a clear day. Not quite as spectacular as the Gherkin or the London Eye but still magical in its day. I will tell you a tale about me and heights at Leicester!!

The work will come in I am sure especially as you grow in confidence at your ability to deal with it.

Looking forward to seeing some new photos from you.

Good luck after all you have been through you so deserve a better run of it

Best wishes

User

Posted 17 Apr 2015 at 09:14

Good luck, Steve. Wishing you all the best.

Paul

Stay Calm And Carry On.

User

Posted 17 Apr 2015 at 09:14

Good luck with this new beginning to your life Steve.

You are a professional photographer. Those skills will not have left you at all. I bet you often look at something and plan in your mind how you would take that shot.

I assume you got your work through contacts and they wouldn't have given you work if they didn't think you were good enough to do it.

Tiredness you will just have to work round and accept for a while. Part of that tiredness may well be the stress of wondering if you are up to the job.

You are, you know it in your heart so go and do it. You'll be brilliant

Good luck and all the best

Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails

User

Posted 17 Apr 2015 at 09:41

Hi Steve

Just wanted to say good luck for today, but somehow I don't think you will need it, with all you have gone through you have proven to be a survivor, so today will be a doddle compared to everything else. One bit of advice I would give you is don't overdo it, ease yourself into working again and overall, achieve a good work/ life balance which I think you now know is important, as money is nice but quality time with the family is nicer.

All the best

Roy

User

Posted 17 Apr 2015 at 13:19

Steve

All the best with your return to working.

Thanks Chris

User

Posted 17 Apr 2015 at 13:59

Hi Steve,

Inevitable you feel ambivalent about returning to work, you will have lost confidence and impetus with your health issues and recent uncertainty ! Try to take it easy and just do what is feasible and confidence will likely return or there will be solutions to some of the concerns you have mentioned. I remember how long it took me to get familiar with work again after months off following my Dad's death years ago, my heart wasn't in it for a long time ! I am thinking of you ! I love photography, mainly of my dogs, huge satisfaction to be gained getting a really good picture !

Fiona. x

User

Posted 17 Apr 2015 at 14:56

Good luck with your return to work Steve. I know what you mean about losing your confidence. I have reduced my working days from full time work to two days and I get nervous the first day I return. It soon becomes too familiar once I am there lol. Cheers Georgina

User

Posted 17 Apr 2015 at 14:57

User

Posted 17 Apr 2015 at 15:08

Thanks for all your messages.

Great start to trying to get back to work again today. I've just been stopped by the police because apparently my MOT has run out last month. I thought it was due in May rather than March. I've just had too much on my mind recently. It ran out while I was in hospital. So now I have to pay a £100 fine, really helpful when I face zero income over the next four or five weeks.

Life stinks sometimes.

Steve

Edited by member 17 Apr 2015 at 15:09 | Reason: Not specified

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