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Today is the First Day of the Rest of my Life

User
Posted 30 Mar 2015 at 17:28
Thanks Lyn,

Steve.

User
Posted 31 Mar 2015 at 15:44
Hi Steve,

It would not be natural in your situation to have no emotions or "bucket list" desires. The fact that many of yours are about seeing your family get older just shows what a caring person you are.

As for wanting time, I share that one too but count myself lucky that I was not a passenger in that awful plane crash last week as I still have today and all the wonderful things that are around me.

If you read back your thread from start to finish you will see what you have had to endure but you are still here and are loved by many, some more because of what you are going through. You are stronger and more emotionally balanced than you realise.

Take care Steve, have a great day.

Kev

Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019

User
Posted 31 Mar 2015 at 18:45
Thanks, Kev.

Hope everything's going well with the marathon training. I was really disappointed that the cardiac consultant didn't share my enthusiasm for the idea of me running a half marathon, so I will do it anyway. I'm fed up of being told what I can't do.

Steve

User
Posted 31 Mar 2015 at 19:44

Now, I have tolerated a lot of silliness on here over the years but you have simply gone too far this time. Ignore the cardiologist and do it anyway???? You had better think again, my friend. If necessary, I will contact the organisers or perhaps even your wife again!

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 31 Mar 2015 at 20:49
Lyn is so right Steve.

I may be running 60 miles a week still but that is because I was fit on dx and have no Heath issues apart from PC. Just go walking, it is really good for you and in due course if the heart man is happy with progress then consider running short distances amongst the walking BUT only when he says ok.

Read your thread again my friend, do you want to go back to where you were or worse!

Take care, Kev

Edited by member 31 Mar 2015 at 20:50  | Reason: Not specified

Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019

User
Posted 31 Mar 2015 at 21:12

Hi Lyn,

Sorry, this is my reaction to a rotten, stressful day.  I feel like kicking something at the moment, if I could find something I didn't mind damaging.  I can't really explain but I'm sure we all have days like this sometimes.

In reality, I certainly wouldn't run the half marathon unless I was well prepared and someone from cardiology thought it was ok.  I'm already walking up to nine miles some days and as the consultant said, I completed a very good treadmill test a week ago with no effect on my heart.  It was even suggested to me that I should consider run one lamp post, walk one lamp post, by one of the doctors.  The consultant also said that my heart was basically in good condition though slightly weaker than to prior to the heart attack.  She told me the recent problems I've had are probably due to the combination of medications I've having to take.  That's one reason why they are changing them so often.

So, not to worry, I have no intention of self inflicting a premature end to my life.

Steve

User
Posted 31 Mar 2015 at 21:47

Quote "So, not to worry, I have no intention of self inflicting a premature end to my life"


Well, you'd be a silly fool if you did, and one thing you aren't is .....................................

A silly fool!!!!

There is still much to look forward to, life with your wife, your grandchild, your children etc

None of us knows exactly when we will cease to be, unless we make that personal choice of course.
We should ALL, irrespective of cancer or ill health, be living each day as if it was our last. We won't, of course, because we are all human.

We all have difficult days when we feel like kicking something (or someone!)

Go into the garden and chuck a few old plates and glasses !

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 31 Mar 2015 at 22:43

I was thinking rather more pragmatically. I was thinking that if you ran a half marathon against medical advice, and then keeled over half way round, the life insurance probably wouldn't pay out and your wife would be REALLY pi&&ed off with you 😡

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 31 Mar 2015 at 22:51
Hi Lyn,

It's a long time since I could afford life insurance. I've had no disposable income since the recession kicked in.

Steve

User
Posted 31 Mar 2015 at 23:45
Steve

I am sure you have responded to Lyn with the first thing that came into your head and I know that you are feeling low, but I am sure this was meant to make you smile. It made me chuckle as it reminded me of an occasion when the cardiology nurse that did an aortic scan on Mick a few months after his diagnosis told him that with a heart like his he would live to be 100 .. that made him laugh even though he felt terrible he actually joked with her and said she should get that message to his oncologist!!

more seriously Have you checked with your mortgage provider as they normally insist on you having life cover for the principle element of the mortgage as a minimum. The insurance company usually have to advise them if payments are being missed or if there is any reason they might want to stop cover. Just a thought

xx

Mo

User
Posted 01 Apr 2015 at 06:58
Phew Steve! Your honesty in how you feel is something else. You're doing well with the distances you are walking, and there's less pressure on the knees and hips by walking. Talking of throwing things can anyone remember the Harry H Corbett film - I think it was Rattle of A Simple Man - in it he had a job throwing bottles at a wall to break them For recycling? Seems a strangely satisfying way of reducing stress!!

Take care of yourself Steve,

Arthur

Edited by member 01 Apr 2015 at 16:53  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 03 Apr 2015 at 23:27

Hi,

Worked all day for a newspaper today.  Seemed to go ok but I feel totally exhausted.  Just faced with all the processing on computer now and captioning but I'll probably do that in the morning.

Tiredness is causing me real problems.

Steve

User
Posted 04 Apr 2015 at 00:30
Well done Steve in getting back to work.. Hopefully your exhaustion will reduce soon. Rest when you can . Georgina
User
Posted 04 Apr 2015 at 01:17

You must have life insurance Steve - you wouldn't have been able to get a mortgage without!

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 04 Apr 2015 at 07:52

Well done on achieving a day's work. Hope you're able to concentrate on the processing today after a good night's sleep.

Paul

Stay Calm And Carry On.
User
Posted 05 Apr 2015 at 11:42

Your situation is so painful, Steve; that sense of isolation from the family coupled with the fear of financial distress is all too real. We're in a similar boat: I have a disabling condition, Gray is the only wage-earner and is self-employed. We just about make out week to week, and were just getting on our feet when this diagnosis hit us. The fear of financial collapse, how will we pay the mortgage, what will happen if Gray can''t get back to work, what if the work dries up because he needs to take it easier for a time and another freelancer muscles in, how the hell am I going to be able to work and what the hell can I do - all too real and very frightening.

Everyone has said to me on here that knowledge is power - particularly against fear and as I read your blog it has made me wonder; could knowledge about the financial 'what if's' be something that would be useful? Can people in a similar boat to us get decent, independent financial advice without having to spend too much of what might be a dwindling resource? About best-to-worst case scenarios? What do you think - might that help mitigate the fear and give some control back?

For example where can income support be gained whilst moving through this phase of recovery, how the family might help, get jobs, a holiday from the mortgage ... I don't know your situation so I'm only trying to generate some ideas, but to feel so lethargic and then add financial fears to that is truly debilitating. Maybe some plain old practical advice would be beneficial.

Is there anywhere we can go for such advice? Do Macmillan do it? CAB? Is there anywhere on this site that I have not yet found that offers pointers?

Keep faith in the fact that your body is still fighting, still healing and that your spirit, no matter how battered, still wants to 'sod it' and run a half marathon. Walking 9 miles a day? Are you KIDDING me?

Steph.

User
Posted 05 Apr 2015 at 20:34

Hi Steph ,just a quick reply .  Inform your mortgage lender before you hit problems-  you may be able to extend the term, take a mortgage holiday, or claim on critical illness policy.  You can get info from Cab and Macmillan..You may also be eligible for benefit .  It is important when claiming to put forward the worst scenario ,without lying.  The government site  can also be helpful as can social workers , especially as you have a medical problem yourself.   You are right, knowledge is power so although this may sound patronising, it is meant  with good intention to help you take control.  Best wishes,El.

User
Posted 05 Apr 2015 at 23:11

Not patronising at all - really helpful, thank you El. Sorry if I muscled in on your posts, Steve.

User
Posted 05 Apr 2015 at 23:24
Steph,

No problem. All information is useful, wherever it appears.

Steve

User
Posted 07 Apr 2015 at 10:12
Hi,

Had my latest hormone (Zoladex) implant this morning. As I drove home I noticed a two inch patch of blood appear on the front of my white shirt. By the time I got home it had dripped onto my trousers and the kitchen floor. At least it proves that my heart meds are working now (anti platelet, blood thinning etc). Problem is now that once I start bleeding anywhere it can take a while to stop it.

Fortunately, the blood has stopped now. At least I'm getting used to having needles in my stomach (I had six while in hospital recently).

Steve

Edited by member 07 Apr 2015 at 13:09  | Reason: Not specified

 
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