Hey guys and gals. Been a very weird 3 months but still great quality mostly.
Still on no treatment other than the palliative RT. PSA unknown but prob >2000
So I had a lovely holiday but still with breathing issues unresolved as they were there prior to RT. Then had a lovely week away alone painting. All tickety-boo!
Then got home and did way too much and also caught up with lost time with my wife. Followed by the back ache from hell for 3 days which had me on the supplied morphine which hit the spot. But god the fear in me that ‘ this was it ‘. It triggered all sorts of panic and worry and self doubt.
The hospice has been in touch a lot which has been great with a home assessment. Sadly recently afterwards I received a bumper packet of ‘ just in case ‘ end of life meds to be used at home if necessary. All ampoules and gonna be shown how to inject. This was very sobering as anyone could guess. Felt ill with worry for a couple of days , constantly doubting my plan. HT has been more and more on my mind.
Then another day from hell. Very very itchy tingly chest area. Phoned hospice who phoned acute oncology re spinal compression etc. They ruled that out but begged me in to hospital re possible heart issues re the breathing thing and heart problems. So next day 10 hours in hospital. You name it I got it — all bloods , Covid, ECG , chest X-ray , vitamin infusions , all ending up with a gold standard CT ( I swear I’m gonna die of radiation poisoning) to check for lung clots.
Anyway it appears that all absolutely fine except for the rancid PCA munching through my spine.
Three months ago my Onco discharged me and told me I would be seriously ill within 3 to 12 months so the clock is ticking.
A lady on here has been an immense help in that her hubby has just started HT and has been giving me plenty of updates etc to encourage me.
So despite my libido still being thru the roof and enjoying all things normal , the mental toll of impending demise has began to take over and I contacted hospital yesterday with a view to starting HT mid-January. I don’t want to rock the boat pre Xmas tbh. They said I was still viable and wouldn’t push me for chemo or anything— just something to give me more time. If it’s too late then I’ll just take it on the chin. It’s been my choice all the way after all which is what I’ve wanted.
Hopefully happy Xmas to all