Are we coming to the end?

User

Posted 24 May 2016 at 09:05

How nice it is to have all this support - thank you!

I will be moving at some point but not yet - it's too early to do it now. What I don't want is the potential for a boundary dispute when I do come to sell.

So I have asked the council for the plans they approved in the early 1990s which demonstrate that we had the disputed land then. I am also going to contact the solicitors who did our conveyancing in 1989 to see if that shows exactly what we bought. I think it's best to be forearmed! And my BIL is going to do all the communication with these idiots so I don't have to.

User

Posted 24 May 2016 at 16:13

Oh Rosy, what a horrible nightmare.

I echo all that has been said especially doing anything in a hurry.

My sister lost her husband 18 months ago and had his ashes in a fancy box next to the bedroom doorstop and although she said anyone else would think she was nuts she still said goodnight to him every night. It gave her comfort and that's what mattered.

When she was ready she placed some of the ashes in the base of a large fancy garden pot and planted a beautiful shrub on top. The rest of the ashes were sprinkled where ever they had spent happy times, including the grandchildren placing a little at the wave edges for the sea to carry away, as the sea was a big part of his life. It also helped the children, especially the littlest ones, to come to terms with granddad going away.

Whatever seems right to you is all that matters.

Try not to get too involved with the possible new neighbour. We had a boundary dispute with a neighbour for a few years and it was horrible. All resolved now but we both steer clear of conversations about the fence!!

Keep strong, keep busy, keep us in your thoughts whenever you are down. You know that we will all do what we can to lift you.

All the best

Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails

User

Posted 24 May 2016 at 16:38

Hello Rosy,

Sorry for your loss.

Regarding the prospective neighbour and the dispute, is he a "prospective neighbour' as in looking to buy the house next door to you?

If so, any dispute he has or thinks he has, is with your current neighbour, the vendor. Nothing to do with you.

hopefully he will leave you alone when your BIL points this out to him?

dave

Edited to add: re your neighbour/prospective neighbour, if you want him to stop bothering you personally then you or your BIL can send him a letter telling him that if he wants or needs to communicate with you at all about the boundary issue, from the date of the letter, you require him to do so in writing, via your nominated party, in this case your BIL. I would send 2 copies by 1st Class registered post. They will be deemed to have been received within 3 days I believe?

You can also say that you consider that his aggressive confrontational behaviour is harassment, and that you want the personal harassment to stop. Quote the Protection from Harassment Act 1977 in the letter. If there is a genuine reason for communication you may not be able to stop him communicating with you altogether, the act allows genuinely required communication, you can control how he communicates, within reason, and also who he communicates with to contact you.

atb

dave

Edited by member 24 May 2016 at 18:46 | Reason: Not specified

All we can do - is do all that we can.

So, do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-)

I am the statistic.

User

Posted 24 May 2016 at 21:36

Rosy

Reading your post does bring so many thoughts rushing to my head, the firsts of everything are so hard. First time away on your own, first birthday, first conflict, first screw up by a service provider and I hate to say it that list will go on with the passage of time. However ... every one can make you stronger and every one has to be worked through, friends and family will be there to support you just as they were for me. There will be times when you just want to scream at someone or cry big tears that are from frustration as well as grief.

One huge mistake I made was trying to deal with my grief alone, It took a very special friend to actually point out to me that I was not dealing with it at all,I was just trying to brush it all to one side and hope it would go away.

I went for one to one counselling arranged through the hospice, it wasn't all about my loss it was as much about finding myself and starting my life over again a little at a time.

Things do get easier and,if you let them, things can get better. For me a lot of it was about regaining my confidence. You sound as though you are already making big strides in the right direction there.

Take the advice from others here about the potential new neighbour, it is sound advice and you really do not need some idiot harassing you at any time, but especially not now.

Of course you miss David, but as you deal with every "first" then gradually you will grow more confident the memories will turn into things that give you great comfort, the pain is still there but it starts to hurt less.

You are doing really well, if ever you need to chat please just PM me.

Thinking of you as always

User

Posted 26 May 2016 at 22:40

Hi Rosy

Lovely to hear from you here. I'm really sorry to hear about the blinking idiot potential neighbour, he sounds like someone to avoid. I can imagine how hard the holiday must have been and your birthday, tough times to get through.

I got something resolved with BT by emailing Gavin Patterson, the CEO, here's his email address : gavin.e.patterson@bt.com.

His executive staff will get back to you right away. Do it Rosy, it's important.

Lots of love

Allison xxx

User

Posted 26 May 2016 at 23:22

Thank you for that Allison - BT finally sorted it this evening! It only took 17 days and literally hours of phone calls and a huge amount of stress.

Feeling much better today. Work was ok (and the NHS reset all my passwords and rebuilt my laptop and returned it to me within ONE day).

The local council have sent me a copy of the planning permission we got to re-site our garage 26 years ago. It shows that our driveway was in fact a few inches wider than it is now - and that is the land that I'm being told is 5 feet too wide. I've also had advice from a solicitor to say that as we can demonstrate that we have had that 5 feet for well over 20 years there should be no dispute - it's ours. Someone from their litigation team is going to call back to advise me on how I can make this legally binding so I don't have any more problems when I come to sell.

So all in all things are improving except one thing... My brother came and wielded the hedge cutter for me but accidently cut through the cable!! He only got a minor shock but the next day I realised that the freezer in the shed was thawing out. We'd had the hedge cutter plugged into the double socket in the shed so it looks like he's blown the socket. He's coming back to fix it but in the meantime I have an extension lead trailing out of the bedroom window to the shed to keep the freezer on!

At least life isn't boring

User

Posted 27 May 2016 at 06:25

Oh Rosy, it never rains eh!

Glad you got a lot sorted out and that you feel better for it.

One "good" thing that comes from a situation like yours is that people normally try to be as helpful as possible.

With a bit of luck the prospective neighbour will decide he doesn't want to buy a house that has a boundary a few inches shorter than he would prefer. Don't need trouble makers like him living next door.

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails

User

Posted 27 May 2016 at 06:55

Nice to see you posting again but sorry to see it is about neighbour and boundary problems. Now for a safety warning,I hope your socket in the shed has an earth leakage device on it or at the very least a plugin earth leakage adapter for when using the hedge clippers.

Thanks Chris

User

Posted 27 May 2016 at 09:37

Hi Rosy

I am trying to catch up on everything having been, and still being, busy with lots going on. Firstly can I pass on my commiserations on losing Dave. You are doing brilliantly under difficult circumstances.

The story of the car tax brings to mind that my mother-in-law had her pension and Attendance Allowance paid separately. We've just had to pay some State Pension back and claim underpaid AA, despite the fact that they are paid by the DWP. My mum's are both paid together, which makes it even more ridiculous.The difference was £30 in our favour. I bet the cost to the taxpayer was far in excess of that.

Keep well.

Paul

Stay Calm And Carry On.

User

Posted 27 May 2016 at 23:48

Hi Rosy,

Thinking of you. Keep on keeping on. It will get better.

And don't worry about David's ashes. My brother in law was killed in an accident in 2007, and his wife has still not scattered his ashes. They're in her wardrobe too. She says she'll do it one day, when she's ready.

Louise xx

User

Posted 14 Oct 2019 at 10:50

This time last year I was in your position. I can recommend that you get in touch with your local hospice for both practical advice and support. They are wonderful and staffed by angels. When eventually I went in with my husband it was like a massive burden had been lifted and they only supported my husband but me and his family too.

User

Posted 14 Oct 2019 at 10:56

Rosy’s dad died 3 years ago Blue :-(

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

Notification

Join the online community now.