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Are we coming to the end?

User
Posted 23 Dec 2015 at 01:30

Thanks for all the messages. We had a good day yesterday, made it to the supermarket, bought plenty of gin etc and even stopped at the cafe for a sandwich and coffee. He even drove there and back.

Then last night he didn't sleep well and has felt increasingly unwell today. The roller coaster goes on!

Mo - thanks for your thoughts on the night sweats. They have worried me but he did mention them at his last appointment and the verdict was that it was due to the anaemia. He did have a CT scan only about 3 weeks ago and that didn't indicate any signs of MSCC but it is something I have in mind. He had sudden severe back pain back in September and did have an MRI scan then to check. But I do keep asking him about his legs, weeing etc.

At the moment I am just hoping he picks up enough to enjoy Christmas.

And I wish a happy Christmas to you all.

Rosy 

User
Posted 23 Dec 2015 at 03:46
Ho rosy

I find that doing to much in a day affects how i sleep so it may have just been down to the extra effort of going out shopping and the driving taking its toll

Maybe best in futue when u go out that you do the driving

Happy Christmas to you both

Nidge

run long and prosper

'pooh how do you spell love'

'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it'

User
Posted 28 Dec 2015 at 02:10

Well we got through Christmas and he did well! He was up and showered by 10am for present opening and a bacon sandwich. Then he went for a rest until dinner (which I finally managed to produce at 5pm!) then we watched all the Christmas programmes in the evening. He enjoyed some of the joke presents and although he didn't eat alot he was cheerful and upbeat. I thought he'd be exhausted on Boxing day but he's resorted to his 'normal' pattern of getting up mid afternoon and staying up till about 1am.

We have noticed that his colour is poor - depending on the light he is either very pale or slightly yellow. One of the side effects of Abiraterone is liver problems. We see the haematologist on 29th so will see what he says.

Rosy

User
Posted 28 Dec 2015 at 09:07

Hello Rosy
Im not so good with the right words to say but am thinking about you and Hope upon hope that things go better for you and your OH.

You mention abitaterone and enzalutamide.
I took abitaterone during 2015 and I had liver problems. Fortunately my bloods stats are measured frequently so that when my ALT reading started rising exponentially I was able to stop taking the drug.
Over the same period I have also been on enzalutamide and this has kept my psa low and in check so far. Whether it works the same for everyone I don't know but I'd certainly ask about it.

Paul

User
Posted 28 Dec 2015 at 10:08

Dear Rosy

You are both in my thoughts and I hope that you and your man can get more joy out of this season.

I am so glad that you both managed a fairly "normal" Christmas day.

I really hope that tomorrow's visit to the Haemo will bring some positive help.

All the best

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 28 Dec 2015 at 11:41

Hi Rosy,

Glad the last few days have been fairly settled for you, hope it continues into the New Year.

Thinking of you both,

Fiona. xx

User
Posted 28 Dec 2015 at 15:23

Ho rosy
Pleased to read you got to spend some time togeather on christmas day

Regards
Nidge

run long and prosper

'pooh how do you spell love'

'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it'

User
Posted 28 Dec 2015 at 19:31
Hi rosy

Have been following your thread and my heart reaches out to you.

I am so glad you both had a nice memorable xmas day. I hope your next appointment brings some positiveness to your difficult situation.

You are in my thoughts rosy.

Lesley xx

User
Posted 28 Dec 2015 at 20:27

I haven't really known what to say Rosy , but your Xmas post surprised me. Things went so much better than expected.
Thinking of you both
Chris

User
Posted 29 Dec 2015 at 09:24

Hi Rosy, so sorry to hear what you are both going through and pleased that you have had some semblance of "Christmas" let's hope it continues into new year.

I do not really know what to say but feel for you both at this horrible stage.

Try to stay strong, my thoughts are with you both.

Best wishes, Chris/Woody

Life seems different upside down, take another viewpoint.

User
Posted 29 Dec 2015 at 21:34
Hi Rosy,

I haven,t chipped in on your post before but a I have been reading , similar to you we are in the met camp and life is not so easy. I just wanted you to know I understand and know how hard things are .

Thinking of you both

BFN

Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 31 Dec 2015 at 02:37

Well we saw the haematologist yesterday - only an hour late - but an hour is a long time for someone who is feeling very unwell. I tried to distract him by spilling boiling tea on my leg and all over the floor when the lid came off but all that did was give me a sore leg! Also I was on the receiving end of a (deserved) tirade of abuse in the car park. I dropped him at the entrance then went in search of a parking place. I was feeling very anxious about the appointment and wasn't concentrating properly so I drove over a zebra crossing when 2 people had stepped onto it. There was no danger of me hitting them and I know I should have stopped but I did wish they might have considered that I wasn't having a good day!

Anyway the Dr said there were 3 possible reasons for the anaemia. 1. premature death of red blood cells but the blood results did not suggest that this was the problem. 2. Iron, folic acid or vitamin deficiency - he said he would have these results later in the day and would phone us if he needed any supplements. No phone call came. 3. Infiltration of the bone marrow - no treatment apart from blood transfusions and whatever the oncologists can offer. They could offer a bone marrow biopsy to confirm this but wasn't convinced this would be necessary. Knowing that bone marrow biopsies are not very pleasant I agreed with David that it was probably worth passing on this.

Hb was 8 so he said another transfusion was needed but because we were at a different hospital we would have to contact our hospital to arrange this. What a joke - they are 'sister' hospitals in the same Trust with equal access to records etc. Anyway so we called our usual hospital before setting off home and they said an 'action form' hadn't been completed but they would look into it. Today has found me chasing them up and at 3pm the form has still not been done, our consultant and her registrar are both on leave and the form has been left with a covering doctor. So with Friday being a Bank Holiday it looks as though he won't get the transfusion until at least next Tuesday allowing for cross matching time. Very frustrated!! 

We came away from the appointment in silence and he has been very flat in mood since. He feels awful, very lethargic and shows no interest in eating so I am just presenting him with food and he does eat a little. When we got out of the car yesterday his jeans just slid down to the tops of his legs but he denies losing any more weight! He came downstairs today at about 11.30 - quite early for him - but didn't make it back up for a shower till about 9pm. Really struggling on the stairs. Wish we had a downstairs bathroom. We have an outside loo which is ok if it's not raining.

I have tried several times over the last few days to get him to talk properly about how he's feeling but it's a losing battle. Both the GP and the hospice nurse have commented recently about him being a very private person and not wanting to talk about his feelings. I will keep trying and he knows I'm there to talk if/when he's ready. He did say that he assumed it was bone marrow infiltration and what did I think that meant. I couldn't answer because I genuinely don't know but did agree with him that that is probably the case. I do usually try to look on the bright side, at least for his sake, but I needed to be completely honest this time. 

Just as an added extra my daughter came down with a nasty D&V bug on Monday. I was woken to discover the bathroom needed a thorough clean up - not good news for someone who is not a morning person! I have been keeping them separate and madly nagging about hand washing and disinfecting door handles, running up and downstairs with drinks/ice lollies and cleaning out sick bowls. So I'm still working despite getting another certificate from the GP!

We soldier on....

Rosy

User
Posted 31 Dec 2015 at 05:31

Ah Rosy, I really feel for you and wish there was some crumb of comfort I could pass on to you.

I now this is so very hard for you but what can you do but shoulder on.

There have been occasions on here when i have nagged the men to include their wives because we are living with this too in a lot of ways and we have that desire to make it all better and go away. The frustration when we can't do that or like in your case, when it is completely in the hands of others, is very wearing.

It is the early hours so naturally there aren't many people around but I do hope that those who have already got practical experience of what you are going through and what help you need will be along to offer help and advice.

In the meantime, well, you know we are here for you girl.

Chin up !!

Best Wishes

Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 31 Dec 2015 at 18:00

What a horrible way to face a new year - he must be very frightened for what the future holds. Maybe talking about feelings is too difficult but will he have those essential practical conversations with you - the sort of 'let's talk about it now so that we don't need to when the time comes' conversations of 'what would you want / where would you want to be / how does the boiler work' sort of stuff?

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 01 Jan 2016 at 16:35
Oh Rosie

Having been through a traumatic hospital experience this holiday I know what you mean about efficiency. As far as I can see, there is none. Anyway that's another story, I feel a certain stoicism with both you and your love, I recognise it. We do have those conversations about the practical things but feelings are much discussed. My OH is not as bad (as far as I know) but it's always on our shoulders, how will we know when things are getting really serious? I assume we will just know.

Anyway, no one seems to be able to solve the communication problem in the NHS and this stuff always seems to happen at holiday times too. I hope you can both stagger on until Monday and then action taken urgently.

Love

Devonmaid xxxx

User
Posted 03 Jan 2016 at 01:24

Well after making a number of phone calls we eventually managed to make sure the form was signed. We were lucky that they had enough people needing transfusions (not lucky for them) that they opened the day unit today. So he has now had his blood and then came home and slept / dozed most of the afternoon and evening.

We did ask whether he couldn't be booked regular slots as he's needing blood every 2 weeks now, which the nurse said was possible and to ask the consultant to arrange this. We're seeing her on 11th so will ask then. It would make everything alot easier for us and prevent the wait of up to a week after being told he needs it. His Hb falls so quickly and you can see him getting tireder and more breathless the longer he waits.

As far as the conversations go we have already sorted all the practical issues and he talks me through the tasks that he's always done such as bleeding radiators! A few weeks ago we had a blocked drain which I tried to deal with - messily and unsuccessfully! He then confessed that he puts caustic acid down there about once a month but hadn't done it for a while. So a nice plumber came and did the job and tomorrow I will be wielding the caustic acid!

I do need to tackle the question about what he wants when the time comes. He did tell me that he didn't want to die in a hospice but then clammed up and didn't give a reason or tell me what he DID want. I'm guessing he means he wants to be at home which I'd be happy with. Let's see what the consultant says next week. I suspect that if she says there's no more she can do he will start talking but maybe she'll let us try enzolutamide....

On a positive note after much discussion on what to cook for dinner I commented that the only food he seems to like is bacon sandwiches. To which he suggested we have egg and bacon for dinner. I added mushrooms and tomatoes and for the first time in ages he ate it all followed up by ice cream. What a healthy diet - but does it really matter? 

Rosy 

Edited by member 03 Jan 2016 at 01:28  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 03 Jan 2016 at 04:50

hi rosy
b***er the diet, know what you mean re list of house jobs we have been doing that for awhile, I keep meaning to make a list of all the things I have tended to deal with think today will be that day, we already know a guy who can help with the other jobs when needed ie painting/decorating, plumbing
wouldnt ask re the transfusions I would politely tell them
I think what he didnt say was enough about what he would like when the time comes
you ladies continue to amaze me

regards
nidge

run long and prosper

'pooh how do you spell love'

'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it'

User
Posted 03 Jan 2016 at 08:06

Hi Rosy I am with Nidge on that one about you tough ladies.. What a remarkable bunch of OH's there are on this site, it constantly amazes me how some of you deal with the situations as they occur. I for one am grateful for mine, she has been as solid as a brick and so supportive.

Keep eating the bacon butties and anything that you can add to that so he will get a varied diet, have you tried small squares of diced bread mixed with egg then fried? Yummie.. Making my mouth water now.

Hope you are writing down all the little hints for future use.

Again in all this stay strong(you obviously are) do not forget yourself.

All my thoughts are with you at this horrid time Rosy.

Best wishes, Chris/Woody

Life seems different upside down, take another viewpoint

User
Posted 03 Jan 2016 at 09:23

Rosy your husband's diet doesn't matter at this stage does it as long as he fancies something and what he fancies is what you have to hand.

When my mum was at your husband's stage she had sudden fancies. My dad would say she really really fancies a chocolate mousse (I am going back now 38 years) and it wasn't the sort of thing one kept in the fridge so I'd get up extra early make it from fresh ingredients, including Cadbury's chocolate and then drive and hour and half to take it to her by which time she had gone off the idea !! I never minded, I just wanted to do something to help.

Funnily enough one of her usual requests was bacon. Perhaps it has something to do with the flavour cutting through the taste in the mouth that drugs / treatment leave?

Enjoy your eggs, bacon, mushrooms etc and perhaps for you add a bit of fruit for afterwards, maybe some vitamins.

I hope you are looking after yourself too. It's a hard road you're travelling and you need your strength.

Best Wishes

Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 03 Jan 2016 at 09:26

Absolutely with you on the 'diet '!! I got to the point with Neil when I thought 'what the heck' and I just got him whatever he wanted if it was a source of enjoyment. Whatever plans you make for end of life care, and it is a good thing to have those plans and as much control as possible, sometimes deterioration happens very quickly and unexpectedly and it just isnt possible to stick to whatever has been arranged. On balance, the men who have died in a hospice or with a lot of hospice support seen to have had a far more peaceful passing. The bereavement group I attended also discussed that a good end of life experience was better for families in terms of coping with grief.  I sympathise so much with your comments about it being hard to discuss matters with your husband, my partner was the same, made it more difficult for me but you just plod on ! You are in my thoughts,

 

Fiona. x

 
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