An unexpected diagnosis.

Thank you Tykey, it is scary but today we have both spent the day talking openly about it. Our children are now in the loop and the same with the rest of our family and we do have a large and good family.

Steve's biggest concern atm is a) has it gone to the bones and b) will hormone suppressants make him feminine. Also he's a self employed carpenter and he's obviously worried about his business.  

Thanks Lynne, I don't think I misheard but my auto spell checker just tried to correct seminal for spinal and I didn't proof read... sorry. 

Thank you Chris, things seem to be moving really fast but I think that's because Ipswich hospital has just done an upgrade clinic for PC and my husband Steve was one of its first patients. He's having a bone scan on Monday and the results will be out by the following day. Reading the forums it sounds like this can normally take weeks, not hours. 

You were young to be going through that sort of surgery. Thanks for the info about clicking on peoples pictures to read their profiles. I don't even know how to write a profile atm. I'm still navigating the site but I'll get there. 

Hi Maria

Welcome to the forum nobody really wants to join. You'll get loads of help and support on here, the Nurses are also top drawer if you need to call them privately. I'm 10 years older than your OH and was diagnosed in August this year, my cancer had metastasized into my hip and I've recently started chemo as a supplement to the Hormone treatment.

Once you get over the initial shock you will both get more focused. Good luck.

John

Edited by member 14 Oct 2018 at 03:44  | Reason: sic

No, he won't become feminine! I've never met anyone who grew breasts, although we always pull each others legs about the potential. He won't be borrowing a lacy bra from you 

What normally happens is that we put some weight on around the midriff and thighs, plus loads of hot flushes. Physical tiredness is probably the biggest worry for him

Thanks everyone. When I read these replies I feel this calm washing over me. 

Steve and me have talked none stop today about every possible outcome and every possible option and the compromise of those options.... Its been a positive day.

When I read things like "8 years on" it helps to wash away so many fears. Steve isn't reading this site yet but I keep saying, "okay listen to this" and read him a reply or some prudent information and he's starting to listen and become more interested. 

"Have they said that he will be having hormone therapy rather than surgery?" Hi Lynne, to be honest I'm foggy about what they said. The consultant talked about major surgery. The key nurse said he would be pushing Addenbrooks for surgery but that they may not agree. They both spoke briefly about RT and HT but we were bombarded with so much info that neither of us took it in. Steve is saying he wants the surgery. I on the other hand, after reading a lot of the forums here, think its something he shouldn't be rushing into. That said, the consultant stressed that he must decide quickly as time was not on his side. The nurse on the other hand appeared much calmer and hopeful. If hormone treatment starves the cancer, then perhaps he should be having that before surgery? 

We get the results of the bone scan on Tuesday. The following Monday his team will have a meeting and I'm sure the consultant or nurse said something about an online conference with him at the same time... I could be totally wrong about that. The following Thursday which is a week on Thursday, he's over at Addenbrooks for a full diagnosis and treatment plan; so we have 10 days to learn, learn, learn.

You are a bunch of fantastic giving people and I can't thank you all enough. I hope, like you, we can go on to support others in the future.

I shed a tear or two when I read your initial post just now, in contrast to when I went for my own ‘Big C’ pow-wow with the Multi-Disciplinary Team evaluating my diagnostic results earlier this year, as I had already twigged I had cancer, or PCa as we connoisseurs here call it. I joked with the consultant ‘I am surprised you don’t have a big box of Kleenex on your desk!’. They helpfully recorded our conversation on a CD for me to take away - which I have never listened to.

I was totally chilled, as I had already checked out the morbidity (fatality) rates of different cancers, and it seems, in the words of one of my GPs, “PCa is one of the best cancers you can get”. Obviously, he has never had cancer......Others here who have lost loved ones might disagree, but most men die with it, not of it.

I was G4+3=7 like your man, and had a prostatectomy in June and am now cured.

Calm down Dear, it’s by no way the end of the world, unlike many other cancers. I hope you can get Hubby to come and join us here himself.

Everyone here will endeavour to help you however we can.

Cheers, John.

Hi Bollinge, I think its good that your team recorded all the conversation. Is that usual ? Next time we see them we will be much more tuned in but I think it would be good to have a recording because from our first meeting with the consultant, Steve and me disagree about what was said!

As a cancer survivor, I wasn't nearly as scared at my diagnosis because like you, I knew before I was told so them telling me was just confirmation with a few added extras. 

I think it is standard practice in my local hospital and what a good idea, as some men go into shock when told the news, and so much of the rest of the conversation ends up going over their head!

Most smart phones have a recording function these days.

Cheers, John.

Correct again, Matron.

On my notes it says there were seven or eight members of the Multi Disciplinary Team, and at my “Dear John” consultation there were only three.

And of course it’s only polite to ask if it’s OK to record a conversation. I wonder why any consultant would object to that?

Cheers, John.