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PSA 7.3 - referred to urologist

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User

Posted 23 Dec 2018 at 16:40

Have Pm’d You

User

Posted 23 Dec 2018 at 16:46

H.

Sign out from this forum stay off the internet, have a couple of glasses of wine with your wife and son enjoy Xmas and stop worrying until after the festivities because you will not die between now and then.

User

Posted 23 Dec 2018 at 19:59

Haig, please in the nicest possible way “get a grip” you will be no good to your wife and son if you take your life.

you don’t even know what the diagnosis is yet, and theres a chance it isn’t cancer. If it is cancer, there is things that can be done.

I completely understand your worry and stress, this thing is life changing, but from what you’ve said, if you do have localised cancer, there’s lots to be done, look at the many courageous men on here that have been given this diagnosis and are now getting on with their lives.

Come on Haig, yes it’s a shi* group to join, but if you have to, it’s not the end.

Please keep going, for the sake of your wife and son.

Edited by member 23 Dec 2018 at 20:00 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 23 Dec 2018 at 21:45

Bless you.

User

Posted 23 Dec 2018 at 22:00

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

I am seriously thinking about taking my own life - only my family stops me from doing this.

Ring the Samaratins if you need to talk to someone other than your family/ friends.

User

Posted 23 Dec 2018 at 22:14

I have calmed down because I took a drink and I do not drink. It was a gift from a teaching colleague "a bottle of Haig whiskey" - for a non-drinker, the glass I had was a little too big. It took a while, but then it hit me and I felt great and s*** at the same time; better than just feeling the latter every day. My wife went mad and I feel sorry about that (I have since sobered up, this was a bout 5 hours ago). I then had a good chat to my son and he basically told me to pull myself together because the way I am is not worthy of me & although he wasn't showing it the whole thing was really affecting him.

Haig

User

Posted 24 Dec 2018 at 04:26

I recently saw a sign on Facebook or somewhere on a high bridge, I think in America.

It said: “Suicide may relieve your pain, but then passes it on to others”.

A neighbour opposite me took his own life, leaving a widow and three young lads. Very sad. But then he was a Coventry City supporter, so probably had more excuse than a raised PSA test result!😉

Perhaps you should take up drinking for the festive period, only to go back on the wagon by way of a New Year’s resolution. You’ll look bloody silly if you get the all clear or a G3+3=6 or G3+4=7 result.

Best Christmas wishes to you and the family.

Cheers, John.

User

Posted 24 Dec 2018 at 06:05

Haig

90% of things people worry about never happen.
Enjoy your Christmas with your family and wait for your diagnosis as you can do bugger all till it arrives.
Stay strong fella, I've got Chemo session 5 this morning so had a great early Christmas Day with the family yesterday, they did me proud.

User

Posted 24 Dec 2018 at 06:11

We all react in different ways when we get information that we find hard to cope with, keep of the drink that's not the best way just focus on all the positive things in your life, wait until you get all your results in then decide what treatment you need if any. My own experience was to take each day as it comes, some days you feel sorry for yourself but most of the time you just get on with it.

User

Posted 24 Dec 2018 at 06:22

I probably won't help much, but I have got through 5 years of worry following emergency bowel cancer surgery and stressed out before every blood test, scan etc. But it became a little easier as the time passed and now I have my last consultation early Jan. You might find some very sympathetic nurses who will let you know the results of tests as soon as they arrive, and/or ring the lab to get them. My Dr rang me one night about 9.30 to tell me some good news. So these people do exist!
I developed prostate cancer just as the bowel cancer reached the 5 year mark. Intermediate favourable, and start Radiation early Jan. I'm worried of course, but trying to convince myself that worrying is a waste of energy. I've got shingles too, not nice.
All the best for Christmas etc.

User

Posted 24 Dec 2018 at 07:22

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

I developed prostate cancer just as the bowel cancer reached the 5 year mark. Intermediate favourable, and start Radiation early Jan. I'm worried of course, but trying to convince myself that worrying is a waste of energy. I've got shingles too, not nice.
All the best for Christmas etc.

Some people get greedy for diseases and are a drain on the NHS! 😉

Wondering if I should pay £100-odd for a shingles inoculation. My mate had it quite bad in his early forties. Herpes zoster virus - cold sore, genital herpes, human papilloma virus (penile and cervical cancer) are all variants. Vaccinate against the b******!

Enjoy your Christmas and best of luck for the New Year!

Cheers, John.

User

Posted 24 Dec 2018 at 09:56

Thank you everyone. I am leaving to go to my mother's today. No internet access, so no more me, I'm afraid.

Again, my thanks to you all for trying to help me.

Haig

User

Posted 24 Dec 2018 at 18:43

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

Some people get greedy for diseases and are a drain on the NHS! 😉

Enjoy your Christmas and best of luck for the New Year!

Cheers, John.

Thanks. And best wishes to you too! i forgot to mention the mesh repaired incisional hernia, two wound infections, cellulitis and open surgery to remove my gallbladder. There is a medical word for the latter, but I can't spell it. All in the last 5 years. I agree, I am being a bit greedy.

User

Posted 25 Dec 2018 at 18:07

Hello. I'm back - mum was lovely, but needed to be with wife and son. A belated Merry Xmas to you all.

Haig

User

Posted 26 Dec 2018 at 16:05

My worry now, as I continue to sit around like a blubbering zombie (tearfulness comes and goes), is how I will react on January 8th. My PIRAD 4 score pretty much confirms it all anyway, but as much as I am expecting it, I still cannot see a way through the smog. If I get a favourable Gleason, that might help me by about 1%, but I spend much time reading different posts on here from so many brave people who fight this s*** disease. As all can see, I am not one of the brave.

User

Posted 26 Dec 2018 at 16:21

No you are not one of the brave at the moment. I am beginning to wonder if you will be ok if you get the all clear anyway. I am a bit puzzled as to why you saw your mum on your own yesterday????

Best wishes

Ann

User

Posted 26 Dec 2018 at 16:31

Hi Ann. I realised the pain I was causing wife and son - I thought they needed time away from me. But although initially it felt a bit better, I missed the two people I love more in the world (although I do love my mum, of course). I needed to come back. There will be no all clear - PIRAD 4 in PZ would only give that to a lucky little bunch. That is not me. I think I need to leave this forum because I am not worthy of it and people must despair when they see another of my pathetic posts.

User

Posted 26 Dec 2018 at 17:32

Haig

I am sorry you are struggling with this. Uncertainty is not an easy thing to deal with. The first thing to remember is that until you have the results, you don't know anything for sure. The second is that you are in the system now and being looked after. What that means is that you will get the right treatment and the right time for whatever condition you are in. Statistically your odds are good as PCa is far less of a challenge than many cancers as a whole.

You need to remember that there are a whole series of curative treatments that start the game. The odds are good that you'll be down one of these paths and will "only" have a few scars and other side effects to remember this period by. Beyond that there are a whole host of treatments that can be used to follow up any early challenges.

The key is to get on top of things as much as you can physically and mentally (diet, sleep, exercise etc.). May I also suggest two things:

1) Seek out a qualified counsellor (ideally one who has cancer experience) to talk all this through. I suspect you will find they can help with your current fears and help you figure out why they are so intense. They will be able to help you develop coping strategies.

2) Get off the bl**dy internet! You are not alone in delving into the research to see what may lie ahead. The problem is that we are not medical professionals and it is proven fact (I found this out doing my thesis) that we over exaggerate things when doing our research. If you have questions, direct them to someone in the know, be that your medical professional or a PCUK/McMillan nurse.

You are in good hands in the NHS and they will do their nest for you. In the mean time, take it one day at a time and focus on your family - enjoy your time with them and enjoy Xmas.

Regards
PP

User

Posted 26 Dec 2018 at 17:34

I think you need to seek help from a health professional asap as it does not seem to matter how much people try to be positive on here you do not seem to believe them given your state of mind.

If you truly love your family as much as you say you will seek help before your results. Have you told your mother how you feel? Do you have any siblings you can confide in? Please seek help as people on here might begin to wonder if you are genuine. Why would your family not go with you to your mother's on Xmas day. I would find that hard to fathom if you were my husband?

You need to do this for your families sake same as much as your own.

Best wishes

User

Posted 26 Dec 2018 at 17:40

Pete. Your words are lovely. I have seen your own struggles in working through various older posts on here. You had your RP and then had to have SRT and I can only marvel at the way you handle things. But that's just it - I can see what I should do, but am in an inescapable hole of mental pain. Others have also said I need professional help and maybe I can ask this when they tell me of my cancer in January. I am planning also to go down the RP route, but although I questioned my MRI scan (this is how I found out of the PIRAD 4) and the consultant said it was contained - how does he know for sure? Even if it is, I will likely get a high Gleason and worry incessantly about recurrence. I also don't know what I'd do, if, like you, I had gone through RP to be told it didn't work.

I thank you for replying to me - it means masses to me and I sit here waiting for one of the brave, humble people to try to give me some encouragement.

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