Struggling to cope

I hope the onco is checking whether it has actually gone to his brain and is ruling out other possibilities such as UTI, too much calcium in his blood, sepsis, tumour in the skull which is putting pressure on his brain .... all of which can cause confusion.

If he is on no treatment, has a referral been made to the palliative care team? Is that where the nurses work? Has your mum got any support from the local hospice?

Natalie

its very difficult to know what to say to you without a few more details. Like Lyn says there are other reasons for confusion, UTIs can cause terrible confusion. It does appear from what you say though that your dad is in palliative care but its not clear whether he has hospice support. No one here can tell you how long he has as we are not medics, but the palliative care team will give you their best view of how things are going, assuming mum and dad want to share that information (sounds like they will). Often they will put it in terms of months or weeks rather than being specific if that were to be the case or if its not that way they wont say as no one can.

 Last week my husband was potentially too ill for further treatment, this week he has picked up and is going to be having some additional treatment. We don’t kid ourselves  though, this is giving us time potentially, and that is gratefully received but no promises. If you read the posts by Kentish you will see how someone who is terminally ill still rallies from day to day, these are written by his wife. Depending on your state of mind, it might be helpful to read. If you are very fearful then maybe don’t.  It does give good insight into it from a family perspective which could be useful. 

Apart from that, you have my deepest sympathy for what you are all going through, it is very frightening. i do hope that you have Hospice support as they will be able to help the whole family through this.

with love Devonmaid xxx

My husband has been "away with the fairies" for several different reasons and it took a hospital stay then a move the hospice to find him some kind of balance. He is making some progress and may come back home next week.

Low sodium

Dehydration

Sepsis (undiagnosed uti)

Kidney failure

Over medication of anxiety drugs (haliperidol)

Pain

All of these have at some point drastically altered his personality and behaviour/mood. The hospital diagnosed and then stabilised him and the hospice have adjusted his medications so he is on the minimum required. He is almost his old self except for the fatigue, this won't change.

I'm sure your mum feels like I did and just isn't confident to make a big decision like ringing for an ambulance. A district nurse called for one for husband because of the indicators of sepsis. Or perhaps the local hospice will give him a review at home, this will be done by a doctor who takes his history into account and looks at his current medications, they will order tests if they think it's necessary. Maybe your mum will let you arrange this for him or you could ask your hospice nurse if they could request it. The last thing I mean for you to do is undermine your mum, please don't take it that way, but perhaps you offering to take the lead on this will be a relief for her in some way.

I hope you all find some peace in this.

Best wishes xx

Dear Natalie -lily,

My heart and thoughts are with you, it's really tough to lose the person who you've depended on, even if you are grown up yourself. I know I felt very vulnerable when my dad was ill and it all happened so quickly it was difficult to process it. I hope they can make him more comfortable soon.xx