It seems the endless uselessness of this site ( although well meant ) is preventing a dear brother from even posting whilst his light is fading day by day. I love PCUK but this website is tragically amateur and remains so day after day ,week after week, and month after month. I have a friend that could sort it in hours yet I’ve been on here 5 years. I can’t even find my own story on the search facility despite it being one of the most massive threads. Anyway I hope here are our Bazzas latest words xx
Chris
please can you post this for me pal. I seem to be being denied all time. Contacted admin but no joy cheers brother
And so it came to pass, I am now down to 9st 13lb from an average weight of 14st 7lb. I have not eaten anything in ten days as I cannot keep anything in my mouth down. Anti sickness pills fail to work. I drink but sugary drinks only for the calories and with great difficulty as my left clavicle lymph is so swollen, it has impinged on my voice box and I can only talk in laboured whispers. It is true to say I now feel the cold whispers of death coming ever closer.
The worse thing are the leg tremors. These are getting progressively worse as my kidneys fail. I have elected no further bloods. What is the point when your nephrologist makes throat cutting gestures about the imminence if my demise and my GP shrugs his shoulders every time his €75 a pop home visits elicit nothing in the way of a solution to ease my discomfort but a French shrug of the shoulders and the curious aroma of stale tobacco and cheap aftershave. It’s weird watching my body die cell by cell.
I live in the middle of, well, complete rurality. The local medical set up here seems geared up for nothing more taxing than a farming accident or 85 year olds otherwise in rude health save for a bout of painful piles.
A visit to a pharmacy is a nightmare often involving (thankfully not for me as I have zero strength to even stand) an hour long wait while everything is paperised, photocopied on paper in triplicate then photocopied again on paper of course for good measure. Only to be told of course nothing is available on the prescription for a day or two.
Now, when I lift my head, it feels like lead weights trying to shut my eyes. Thank God I’m not in too much pain. I have morphine patches but have self elected not to just take morphine tablets just to go asleep when impending death is so much more efficient in eliciting tiredness.
I reckon (and I don’t have a clue) that I have at most four weeks. I so badly want to live long enough to watch the first cricket test of the summer. How I miss England, my former life. My health. How deeply unhappy I am now.
Please pray for me to see the test match starting 8th July.
Bazza