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Hello - I have Just been diagnosed

User
Posted 14 Nov 2021 at 21:46

Hello I just got my diagnosis yesterday - 4 of 17 biopsy samples showed cancerous 

I’m 59.

three treatment options suggested initially- surgery , radiotherapy and radiotherapy seeds.

So initial shock though looking at survival rates we are treating this as something that we need to get through over the next number of months and then continuing with life as normal 🤞

We have four adult children and our hope is that we can get the treatment done and through it without them needing to be told - just wondering how feasible this might be if I go for the seeds option ? Can anyone advise as to time needed off work for this option and anything else I should know as this is option we are thinking off at present 

many thanks

Brian

User
Posted 15 Nov 2021 at 07:09
If you have sons they need to know for their own health in a few years time.
User
Posted 15 Nov 2021 at 01:05

I can't see the point in keeping this from your children. The more people know about cancer and the more people they see cured of it the better. 50% of people in a first world country will live long enough to get cancer, so we as a society should get used to it.

Anyway, surgery is not something you are likely to be able to hide. A few days in hospital, a few months of cautious lifting and carrying things, possible incontinence for a few months or occasionally life.

EBRT if you can hide four to six weeks of daily hospital visits, possibly fatigue and some unusual toilet habits, weight gain if hormone therapy required.

I don't know enough about seeds, a day or two in hospital otherwise presumably the same effects as EBRT. So probably something you could hide.

The search function on this site is awful, but if you can find posts by "johntheprint" you will get info on seeds and recovery.

Not too sure how the family conversation will go if you have any complications, and the children ask why you were keeping secrets from them.

Dave

User
Posted 15 Nov 2021 at 08:07

Brian,

Do you have a fuller diagnosis? What is the Gleason score ? ( should be a number+ number) Have they staged the tumour??

Personally I'd figure out the best treatment option and definitely tell the adult children.

User
Posted 15 Nov 2021 at 17:27

That's handy, John the prints thread has just came up.

https://community.prostatecanceruk.org/posts/t12314-Brachytherapy-going-forward

 

 

 

Dave

User
Posted 16 Nov 2021 at 12:13

Hi Brian. I was a similar age to you when I was treated 6 years ago. Feel free to check out my profile. Re Cycling, I asked my surgeon if I was able to ride again. His response, " Why could you cycle before? " He had a dry sense of humour. It's purely up to you if you tell your kids. Personally it was the first thing I did when I was diagnosed. I wanted them to be part of the process from day one. I didn't want them to find out when I was in treatment. They had questions that were easier to answer at each stage. 

Wishing you well.

THE CHILD HAS GROWN, THE DREAM HAS GONE
User
Posted 16 Nov 2021 at 16:57

I agree with not telling the children or anyone who doesn't need to know, during the diagnosis stage, there is no point in worrying anyone pointlessly. The point about letting the sons know for their own future health is relevant. The genetic connection is only strong if a first degree relative was diagnosed under 50, so it is not a very strong reason to tell them, but at some point in there life a doctor is likely to ask "did a first degree relative have prostate cancer?" and it is better that they can give a correct answer. 

If they have mental health problems it may be justified, but keeping secrets and then knowing when to tell someone is not easy, and much worse if something is found out by accident. Still your call on that, you know your family better than me. As long as you are acting in their best interests you are doing the right thing.

Dave

User
Posted 16 Nov 2021 at 17:24

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

We have four adult children and our hope is that we can get the treatment done and through it without them needing to be told - just wondering how feasible this might be if I go for the seeds option ? Can anyone advise as to time needed off work for this option and anything else I should know as this is option we are thinking off at present 

many thanks

Brian

Brachy could be an excellent choice in your circumstances- very short stay in hospital and, for most men, very few immediate side effects so you could be back at work in a few days. However, you need to clarify whether it would be brachy with hormone treatment; if so, that may be harder to hide from people.

Edited by member 16 Nov 2021 at 17:26  | Reason: Not specified

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 17 Nov 2021 at 10:25

As  recently diagnosed this summer, my wife and I kept it to ourselves during the testing stage, also, as most of the family, older and younger, live away we wanted to tell them in person so that they could see I wasn't hiding anything and was fit and well. We were able to answer their questions once we knew the diagnosis. 

As it happens, in the Summer at a family party, my daughter wand her step siblings were talking about another member of the family hiding their cancer. They all said they would want to know what was happening, prognosis etc. I hadn't had my diagnosis at that that point but it set the course of future dialog.

I agree with Dave64 and his initial comments on his last post.

User
Posted 17 Nov 2021 at 21:30

Brian, you've only had 4 days since your diagnosis so no doubt you're still in something of a state of turmoil.

Reading your initial post, it sounds as though you want to get your cancer out of the way as quickly and discretely as possible but could I suggest that you put your long term survival above the potential difficulties of treatment in the short term. Take a few breaths and consider all your options here, even the ones that might seem more difficult to manage.

No doubt you will be getting professional advice soon which you might choose to share here. As MikeW suggests, it would be helpful to know more details on your diagnosis, so maybe you could post them here or better still, in your profile.

Jules

 

User
Posted 10 Dec 2021 at 11:40

You could look for a local prostate cancer support group, which would give you sympathetic people to talk with. I run a virtual Prostate Brachytherapy UK Support Group which you can join on Zoom. Next meeting will be Thu 13 Jan.

User
Posted 14 Dec 2021 at 16:34
I told my 3 teenage boys the same day i got diagnosis similar to yours aged 57. . And I told everyone else ! The boys were fine about it as I told them I had got it early (T2BN0M0. Gleason 3 +4 ) and not too much to worry about as curable and getting the best care. I dont think they worried too much and I kept them informed every step. But its a personal decision in each case so do what feels right in your case. You know your kids best. As for treatment choices the same applies - its very personal but make sure you do your own research. This site is invaluable. But I would urge you to not make a decision based on which treatment is the easiest to hide from the kids. Its your life here and they wont thank you if they think you made the decision with their needs in mind and not yours. Best of luck with it.
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User
Posted 15 Nov 2021 at 01:05

I can't see the point in keeping this from your children. The more people know about cancer and the more people they see cured of it the better. 50% of people in a first world country will live long enough to get cancer, so we as a society should get used to it.

Anyway, surgery is not something you are likely to be able to hide. A few days in hospital, a few months of cautious lifting and carrying things, possible incontinence for a few months or occasionally life.

EBRT if you can hide four to six weeks of daily hospital visits, possibly fatigue and some unusual toilet habits, weight gain if hormone therapy required.

I don't know enough about seeds, a day or two in hospital otherwise presumably the same effects as EBRT. So probably something you could hide.

The search function on this site is awful, but if you can find posts by "johntheprint" you will get info on seeds and recovery.

Not too sure how the family conversation will go if you have any complications, and the children ask why you were keeping secrets from them.

Dave

User
Posted 15 Nov 2021 at 07:09
If you have sons they need to know for their own health in a few years time.
User
Posted 15 Nov 2021 at 08:07

Brian,

Do you have a fuller diagnosis? What is the Gleason score ? ( should be a number+ number) Have they staged the tumour??

Personally I'd figure out the best treatment option and definitely tell the adult children.

User
Posted 15 Nov 2021 at 09:07

Thanks for your reply.

our preference is not to tell our children at this stage- we would rather be able to tell them further down the road when all being well the results are good - the children are all away from home returning some weekends so the seeds option is the one most “hireable” 

Yes they are adults but two of my sons have struggled with mental health and are more recently doing well - started working, moved to new locations etc so could do without worry that “Da has cancer “

User
Posted 15 Nov 2021 at 09:08

I see you are a cyclist as am I - I take it cycling is a no go area for quite some time ?

 

User
Posted 15 Nov 2021 at 13:46

Hi Brian,

Yes I do plenty of cycling. Was off the bike for about 10 weeks after the surgery. Was doing a bit of running after about 8 weeks. Good luck with whatever route you choose. Worth spending a bit of time weighing up the options.

User
Posted 15 Nov 2021 at 17:27

That's handy, John the prints thread has just came up.

https://community.prostatecanceruk.org/posts/t12314-Brachytherapy-going-forward

 

 

 

Dave

User
Posted 16 Nov 2021 at 12:13

Hi Brian. I was a similar age to you when I was treated 6 years ago. Feel free to check out my profile. Re Cycling, I asked my surgeon if I was able to ride again. His response, " Why could you cycle before? " He had a dry sense of humour. It's purely up to you if you tell your kids. Personally it was the first thing I did when I was diagnosed. I wanted them to be part of the process from day one. I didn't want them to find out when I was in treatment. They had questions that were easier to answer at each stage. 

Wishing you well.

THE CHILD HAS GROWN, THE DREAM HAS GONE
User
Posted 16 Nov 2021 at 16:57

I agree with not telling the children or anyone who doesn't need to know, during the diagnosis stage, there is no point in worrying anyone pointlessly. The point about letting the sons know for their own future health is relevant. The genetic connection is only strong if a first degree relative was diagnosed under 50, so it is not a very strong reason to tell them, but at some point in there life a doctor is likely to ask "did a first degree relative have prostate cancer?" and it is better that they can give a correct answer. 

If they have mental health problems it may be justified, but keeping secrets and then knowing when to tell someone is not easy, and much worse if something is found out by accident. Still your call on that, you know your family better than me. As long as you are acting in their best interests you are doing the right thing.

Dave

User
Posted 16 Nov 2021 at 17:24

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

We have four adult children and our hope is that we can get the treatment done and through it without them needing to be told - just wondering how feasible this might be if I go for the seeds option ? Can anyone advise as to time needed off work for this option and anything else I should know as this is option we are thinking off at present 

many thanks

Brian

Brachy could be an excellent choice in your circumstances- very short stay in hospital and, for most men, very few immediate side effects so you could be back at work in a few days. However, you need to clarify whether it would be brachy with hormone treatment; if so, that may be harder to hide from people.

Edited by member 16 Nov 2021 at 17:26  | Reason: Not specified

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 17 Nov 2021 at 10:25

As  recently diagnosed this summer, my wife and I kept it to ourselves during the testing stage, also, as most of the family, older and younger, live away we wanted to tell them in person so that they could see I wasn't hiding anything and was fit and well. We were able to answer their questions once we knew the diagnosis. 

As it happens, in the Summer at a family party, my daughter wand her step siblings were talking about another member of the family hiding their cancer. They all said they would want to know what was happening, prognosis etc. I hadn't had my diagnosis at that that point but it set the course of future dialog.

I agree with Dave64 and his initial comments on his last post.

User
Posted 17 Nov 2021 at 21:30

Brian, you've only had 4 days since your diagnosis so no doubt you're still in something of a state of turmoil.

Reading your initial post, it sounds as though you want to get your cancer out of the way as quickly and discretely as possible but could I suggest that you put your long term survival above the potential difficulties of treatment in the short term. Take a few breaths and consider all your options here, even the ones that might seem more difficult to manage.

No doubt you will be getting professional advice soon which you might choose to share here. As MikeW suggests, it would be helpful to know more details on your diagnosis, so maybe you could post them here or better still, in your profile.

Jules

 

User
Posted 18 Nov 2021 at 12:02
Thanks for all the responses - much appreciated

So my Gleeson score is 3 + 4 with the cancer stage being T1c / T2 - they say cancer is medium risk - my prostate is 45g

Sounds like it will be at least 3 months before any procedure takes place.

User
Posted 05 Dec 2021 at 22:11
I have also the same dilemma. I thought i am to inform them after test done but now it seems more difficult.

I have partly (in stages) told my son but my adult daughter is in Canada and in middle of her exams.

User
Posted 08 Dec 2021 at 21:39

Yes it’s a difficult one - I certainly want to avoid telling my children and unduly worrying them until I’m through the brachytherapy and post therapy results are positive….though I do feel I need to share the news with a few close friends outside the family…purely to have someone to talk to about it rather than just my wife ( who is being brilliant about it) 

Edited by member 08 Dec 2021 at 21:42  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 08 Dec 2021 at 21:41

Had my prostate volume check done today and have date for brachytherapy now for 4th January 

User
Posted 10 Dec 2021 at 11:40

You could look for a local prostate cancer support group, which would give you sympathetic people to talk with. I run a virtual Prostate Brachytherapy UK Support Group which you can join on Zoom. Next meeting will be Thu 13 Jan.

User
Posted 14 Dec 2021 at 16:34
I told my 3 teenage boys the same day i got diagnosis similar to yours aged 57. . And I told everyone else ! The boys were fine about it as I told them I had got it early (T2BN0M0. Gleason 3 +4 ) and not too much to worry about as curable and getting the best care. I dont think they worried too much and I kept them informed every step. But its a personal decision in each case so do what feels right in your case. You know your kids best. As for treatment choices the same applies - its very personal but make sure you do your own research. This site is invaluable. But I would urge you to not make a decision based on which treatment is the easiest to hide from the kids. Its your life here and they wont thank you if they think you made the decision with their needs in mind and not yours. Best of luck with it.
User
Posted 06 Jan 2022 at 09:56

Hi Barney Boy. 

Sorry for not replying earlier when I saw this. I'm 51 and have three boys so wanted to tell you how I approached it with my kids. 

I echo a lot of people here with their views. I told my boys straight away and found that by explaining everything to them and then offering them the full chance to ask any questions to myself or my wife, they felt they were part of my journey. Plus they will need to be checked later on in life as well now.

One thing I did do is signpost them to this site if they felt they wanted another view or question to ask away. One of my boys also read all the PCUK leaflets and booklets so they could be reassured to my answers. Kids are resilient and personally found it really helpful telling them. Albeit I am due for surgery in the next few weeks so slightly different. 

Best of luck and hope all goes well for you.

 

User
Posted 06 Jan 2022 at 14:05

How'd it go?  ADD saw this https://community.prostatecanceruk.org/posts/t27815-Brachytherapy-procedure Good luck

Edited by member 06 Jan 2022 at 14:07  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 10 Jan 2022 at 14:27

All went well thanks

Into hospital early morning and out mid afternoon 

Procedure went well - 75 seeds implanted- slept through most of the procedure as asked anesthetist to give me good dose of sedative - never felt a thing !

All ok 5 days after procedure so far - fingers crossed ! 

 
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