Dear Desperate Wife,
I fully understand your anguish, which can almost be worse for a partner.
I, now 67, had unuilateral nerve-sparing surgery in 2018, with PSA 7.02 and Gleason 3+4 and no lymph nodes affected. I started doing pelvic floor excercises a few weeks before the operation, and - almost 4 years on - am still doing them.
My bladder control is almost better than before, except when I've had too much whiskey :)
To my great surprise, my erections were almost as good as before (they weren't great sometimes anyway), but with the help of Sidenafil they are absolutely fine.
I opted for surgery because I wanted to keep the option of Salvage Radiotherpay in my back pocket, which I'm glad of, as I am now facing further treatment, my PSA having started rising again.
I decided against HiFU at the time, as the cancer was breaking out of the prostate, and they would have had to damage the nerve on that side anyway, making surgery a no-brainer for me.
I coped well after surgery, although my wife took time off work, but the blood thinner injections were easy, and I had to deal with the catheter myself anyway.
I went on my first foreign trip after 3 months, and felt absolutely back to my normal strength after 6 months
Every choice is personal, and - as fellow patients in a support group and the extremely helpful people on Prostatecanceruk said - once you've made your decision, it'll be right.
All the very best,