Role of Oral Sex in Recovering from Prostate Cancer
This is a supplementary post to my previous entry. I thought it would be useful for men suffering from both incontinence and ED and trying to have intercourse.
Most men recovering from prostate cancer experience varying degrees of incontinence and erectile dysfunction (ED), some temporary and many permanent. When I was diagnosed, our main worry was will I survive this tragedy; the thought that we might never have sex again, if I survived, did not seem very important. However, as I recovered from my robotic prostatectomy 12 years ago, it was a shock to our life that, in spite of doing my Kegel exercises religiously, I did not achieve complete continence; I still leak slightly when sexually excited or when squatting, and I suffer from ED, more because of my age rather than the surgery. Rebuilding our intimate life with incontinence and ED was quite a psychological mountain to climb. Having assessed all the options for overcoming ED and the surgical options for incontinence, we decided to avoid drugs or any other invasive techniques such as injections or implants and use VEDs (Vacuum Erection Devices) to deal with these issues.
VEDs have been incredibly successful in re-establishing our sex life. I have written at length about how to choose a suitable VEDs, how to use it and incorporate it into love making on Prostate Cancer UK website. We had to not only accept the new normal, but we also
had to use our imagination, creativity and sense of humour to retrieve our intimate life. It has been team work. By sheer serendipity, ie the discovery that while enjoying the pump induced erection, no leakage is possible because of the constricting ring/s at the base of the penis, we discovered that oral sex became a more attractive option. This was a Eureka moment for us.
The introduction of a VED in our relationship posed a small challenge as to how to blend its use into our love life. Noting that if you use a VED, once you put on the ring/s (sometimes I use two rings, large one on top of the small one to maintain a strong erection) on you have half an hour of foreplay and sex, in whatever position you choose. Bear in mind when you have the rings on, the penis is rather floppy at the base of the penis because of the hinge effect. This puts a major limitation on foreplay because you have to make sure that you don’t cause damage to the penis. So for us it is foreplay first. During foreplay my wife tells me when to go and use the pump, when she is sufficiently aroused. Before I disappear into our en suite bathroom we decide which we’ll do… ‘Penetrative or oral’. We enjoy both, but I admit I tend to lean towards oral! This discussion about the choice is important because if we choose oral sex I use only one large ring and do not inflate my penis to its maximum because my wife finds my full erection unmanageable. I use the bidet to clean myself up to remove any traces of urine, dry myself and return to our bed with my ‘designer erection’. We arrange ourselves in the 69 position, with the aid of pillows for comfort, and dim the lights. Needless to say, I enjoy oral sex but my wife does not so I use a vibrator on her. When we began this practice I thought my wife would not benefit as much as I would. But surprisingly, she finds this whole scenario very erotic and sensual. The most amazing aspect of this repertoire is that I am in control not only my own orgasm but more importantly also hers. The teasing can continue for up to half an hour (time limit for the rings to be on) and I can tip us into the most ecstatic orgasms we have ever experienced. This, amongst others, has been an unintended benefit of this challenging episode in our 60 years together. It has made us appreciate each other’s needs even more and has brought us closer together, thanks to VEDs, rings, a vibrator, and of course our imagination and sense of humour.
Edited by member 23 Jan 2023 at 17:18
| Reason: Change of title