It's not going to be easy. This thread covers a lot of issues.
https://community.prostatecanceruk.org/posts/t21271-Relationships
It's quite important he does still have erections blood flow to penis is important you will find a few threads on vacuum pumps on this site.
Only about 10% of men have a libido whilst on HT. He isn't really going to be interested in pleasing himself, but there is every chance he will still want to please you. If you want sex you are going to have to initiate it. Even if he can get an erection by some means that is going to be unreliable, trying to keep his penis at the centre of your sex life is doomed to failure and very bad for his ego, so you are going to have to find different body parts to make use of🤔😛😯. If he does a good job let him know, because he isn't going to pick up on anything subtle.
I assume he had about six months of HT prior to radiotherapy and now he is about three months post radiotherapy. The first 18 months of HT is very important to help the RT work. There is an argument HT beyond 18 months is adding hardly any benefit. Some men stop early because the side effects are causing serious mental health problems. Once you get to the 18 month mark, think about whether to continue HT, the oncologist may say "Oh yes, I was being a bit cautious" or may say "No way, that's too big a risk".
I was on HT for two years, I raised the question at 18 months, but onco wasn't keen on stopping and with only 6 months to go, I carried on. If I had been on three years HT I would probably have stopped at 18 months.
If my cancer returns then the only future course of treatment would be lifelong HT, I would probably refuse treatment.
Edited by member 15 Sep 2023 at 11:17
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User
Hi Hineybee010,
Your situation is very like mine, locally advanced T3b and Prostap3 for 3 years and 4 weeks RT.
I have zero libido, absolutely no desire whatsoever to have sex. However we have adapted our sex life and it works. I’m not saying this will work for you and your husband but it might be worth trying. Excuse the explicit descriptions but I think we’ve all learned when dealing with this disease to forget about our inhibitions and hang-ups.
I can still get fairly good erections(despite Peyronie’s disease which has developed since starting HT …..you might need to look it up!) all through touch. I get an amazing sensation from touch to the inner thighs, scrotum, perineum, and nipples as well as my penis. Obviously my wife only has 2 hands🤣🤣🤣 so I have to assist. I find that if I squeeze/twist my nipples and my wife strokes/touches my other erogenous zone it gives me intense pleasure. I could lie there all night(or morning in our case) and enjoy this😊 Foreplay has always been a VERY important part of our sex life and like many women, my wife can’t reach orgasm through penetration alone. Penetration would not work for me ATM because of Peyronies but I have no desire to do it anyway. So instead we use mutual masturbation to achieve orgasm for us both. I find for me a Male Masturbator works better because I don’t have the same sensation as before but I can still have a dry orgasm which is quite strong.
I take Tadalafil every day and also have viagra, which I don’t use often because I think I have better sensation without it even though my erection may not last as well. I have a Somacorrect pump but to date have not managed to achieve a rigid erection with it despite trying lots of ways and practising with it.
So, it’s not the same as before but we can still enjoy our sex life….and have a lot of fun!
Pratap is very experienced and knowledgable in this area so I’m sure he will offer some advice.
So Experiment…Good Luck and All the best😉😉
Derek
User
Thank you so much for your reply!
My husband had his first HT injection in February after a month of tablets, then 4 weeks of radiotherapy from May/June. We had a 3 month check in appointment with the oncologist yesterday who has prescribed tablets to help with his low mood and anxiety. I don’t recognise my husband to be honest and he knows he’s not himself. It’s really hard (sorry!) He’s much older than me so I’m not ready to give up on our sex life but want to find something that works for us both without making him feel guilty/even lower. He hasn’t been able to achieve an erection for some time due to having an enlarged prostate. He had been on tamsulosin for a few years. We tried Viagra and Tadafill - but nothing!
The oncologist did say he needed to have the HT for a minimum of 18 months - seems such a long way off.
User
Thank you for the tips! I think the stress of the whole experience isn’t helping either of us right now. I need to look into the vacuum pump! Sorry to ask but what’s a Male Masturbator?
User
Don’t worry, pleased to help in any way. I know how hard(or not as the case might be…you’ve just got to laugh sometimes🤣🤣🤣) it can be when you still want a sex life but have no desire.
Here is the one I bought …all you need to do is put plenty of Lube inside and then insert your penis at the end with the larger hole. You should still be able to do it without an erection although it helps.I’m not sure how it would work if you cant achieve any erection but it’s worth a try. My wife and I are still practising but it worked well this morning😉😉
I really find it very pleasurable even if you don’t orgasm but the few times I’ve used? Bingo!
One thing I’ve noticed is that I don’t get much warning that it’s going to happen. Before the HT I could feel the build up, but because of the lack of libido it’s only a few seconds warning, but I can achieve quite a strong orgasm with it and the device also helps with sensitivity after it. I had to work much harder using the hands, lube didn’t work so I quite often ended up with friction burns….with the device everything is intact.😊
https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/male-sex-toys/male-masturbators/p/tracey-cox-supersex-supertight-clear-stroker/a34068g61076.html
Feel free to send me a PM if you have any questions you’d rather not post.
Derek
User
BTW I am on sertraline for anxiety brought on by HT….it’s worked wonders for me!
User
User
And that’s so good to hear the Setraline works for you. I’m really hoping it does for my husband too - like he said “I can’t feel any worse”!
User
You have our sympathy (yes, I talk to my wife about some of the posts on this site). Prostate Cancer is a couples' disease, particularly its effect on their sex lives. You mentioned vacuum pump which for some men is an excellent solution for re-establishing their intimate life. Any solution to ED requires that both the parties work together. Of course this could be difficult if the man has lost his sex drive. But even then as you have read response from some men here that it is possible to enjoy intimate connection in spite of lack of libido. After my surgery we weren't able to have sex for sometime but I enjoyed giving my wife pleasure by kissing, cuddling and the use of a vibrator. I think it would be useful if your husband were able to talk to other men whose sex llives have been affected. There are many men, including myself, who would be willing to talk to your husband if he wishes. We had to find a way to re-establish our sex life because it was important to our quality of life. We have been relying on vacuum pumps for the past 12 years. I have a thread in this site describing how we re-established our sex life which you both can have a read and see that prostate cancer does not mean an end to your intimate life:
https://community.prostatecanceruk.org/posts/t28948-Re-establishing-Sex-Life
'Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it.' Richard Feynman (1918-1988) Nobel Prize laureate |
User
Hi, I am about 9 months in (zoladex and appalutamide). Libido (almost) disapearing is the toughest side effect for me, but I am lucky enough to still be able to get a serviceable erection with the help of the current viagra substitute (apologies I can’t remember the name). Ocassionally I can still reach orgasm. I am on adt for life, so am grateful that sexual function has not gone entirely. Fingers crossed it stays, but who knows. After first diagnosis, I don’t think I even tried for about 4 months. Just could not get in the right head space.
User
I think it’s so important to keep trying and to use the pump. My Peyronie’s disease was caused partly by lack of action I think and my foreskin has become very tight…always was tight but now VERY.
Pratap has spoken very wise words and has been very helpful to me. We were having an active discussion about this subject after out meeting at Maggies today and sex is important to all of us. I get the impression that any men who undergo HT and just have NO libido think that you can’t have fun, but with a willing and understanding partner and a bit of experimentation you can still get to orgasm and have a lot of fun along the way…..and you certainly need some fun whilst going through this!