My partner for the diagnosis yesterday

Debbie 

You’ve come to the right place for information! I have very limited knowledge of prostate cancer compared to others who contribute to this forum, and can only comment from my personal experience.

i was diagnosed October 2022 and also had a Gleason score of 9. The surgeon recommended a radical prostatectomy which was successfully carried out in the December. In answer to your main query, yes, there is an impact on sex life. Although I had a nerve-sparing procedure I am currently unable to get an erection even with the prescribed medication. There is improvement but a ling way to go. All is not lost as it is still possible to enjoy intimacy through finding other ways of satisfying each other. I have been prescribed a vacuum pump which with the use of constriction rings allows me to have an erection and enjoyable intercourse.

There are several contributors who will in time read your post and provide more detailed information than I am able to. 

I am surprised your consultant has not explained the after-effects of treatment which vary according to the treatment but do impact on your sex life. Speaking with one of the cancer nurses may help.

if you search the conversations you will find that this is a popular topic amongst men - we all want to resume an active sex life!

😆

I had that problem. We bought some curtain rings and play hoopla. 

Greetings Guys,

My partner (60 y o Black man, apparently bigger risk group being Black) was diagnosed with prostate cancer Gleason 9 yesterday. Shock and horror to say the least. Still up at 3 am reading internet and your group seems so positive and supportive with so many inspiring stories.

I have a few questions to you guys. 

His big concern is sex life, he never had problems with erection etc, and still is in a good shape regarding sex/erection. He is panicking the possible upcoming treatments will affect or destroy his sex life. I understand it is a sensitive question, but any guys out there that can comment? I am of course more worried about his life expectancy, any pain, loss of hair etc, but I tried googling "sex vs prostate cancer", no answers really on internet. One website says there is no connection between erection and prostate, while other sites say sex life may be affected quite severely. No idea who to believe. 

Of course, we are still waiting for results/advise from the NHS, as the news only broke yesterday. So noone spoke to us really yet, the news were delivered via phone call from NHS nurse.

I understand that Gleason 9 is very high, it ranges from 1 to 10, 10 being the highest? Of course this sounds very scary. 

He was diagnosed from routine prostate check. He is in a good heath and never had any issues with prostate. So it shows how important it is to check prostate regularly for men. I must confess that he never checked his prostate until now (when he hit 60, Nhs started sending him all sorts of random tests to check his overall health, prostate being one of routine tests), as you know how men are about those checks, besides, always felt great physically (and still does!). 

I just had to write this as I don't really want to talk to anyone I know just yet. Cannot scare his elderly parents (in their 80s), and I don't know anyone personally, who went through prostate cancer (and people probably would not be too vocal about it, if they even did). Good to see you guys on here supporting one another and spreading positivity. I am very scared right now, and so is my partner. 

Good news I read on google, that survival rate for prostate cancer patients is close to 100%, so I hope we do not have to worry about the worst outcome. But once you hear C word, of course you paint the worst picture in your head. 

Thank you. And I hope it is ok that I shared here on his behalf, seems it is a platform for mainly blokes. 

Sending love and speedy complete recovery to all who encountered his problem. 

Kind regards,

Debbie

Edited by member 18 Jan 2024 at 17:41  | Reason: Not specified

Sorry to hear what the two of you are going through.

You won't know which treatments are suitable for him until the end of the diagnosis process, at which point they'll tell you which treatments are most suitable for his cancer. Sometimes you have a choice of treatments with similar survival rates, but with different side effects, and then you can factor in things like the importance of erectile function to the two of you, and take that in to consideration. No treatments can guarantee not to impact that but the risks vary. The fact he has good erectile function to start with is a big help.

You are in the most anxiety generating part of the pathway when everything is new, and you can't imagine what the future holds but it sounds bad. When he finishes diagnosis and you get a treatment plan in place, and you have leaned more about the pathway, anxiety levels usually reduce.

Feel free to ask us anything. You might also look for a local support group. There are a few Black men's support groups in the country if he'd prefer that and if one is near enough, but any of the support groups would welcome you.

Hi Debbie,

I am different to the other contributors on here(so far) in that I went(not by choice) down the HT/RT route.

Although I’m 67,  I had a very active sex life beforehand. Going down this route I would say:

ED is highly likely to happen, either completely or partially.
He will probably experience a total lack of libido. I thought I would get frustrated but I don’t, I just get sad that I don’t have the sex life I use to have.

Having said that, we still have a good sex life, it’s just different, we have sexual outercourse rather than intercourse. I can still pleasure my wife and also have intense orgasms with the correct techniques and toys.

if going down this route I would recommend 

if you can, get an appointment with your ED nurse if you have one.
Get a vacum pump and use it as often as possible to exercise the penis and stop penile atrophy
If you don’t already do so explore various sex toys which might work for you both. I can’t orgasm through penetration at the moment as the sensitivity is just not there, but with the help of a male masturbator and foreplay I can still have a VERY good time😊

So, all is not lost, yes your sex life will probably not be the same but you can still have one if you make the effort, and you have to ask yourself the question ‘What’s more important? My life of my sex life’

Hopefully once my HT is over I can regain SOME of my formal sex life🤞

All the best,

Derek

Good luck on your journey,

Derek