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You don't need an errection

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User
Posted 10 May 2024 at 12:10

I'm writing this as a 60+ guy who post op had been unable to get an erection despite the pump, pills and injections. However I have discovered you do not need an erection to have a very satisfying sexual relationship. My partner is the most understanding woman you could imagine and I can honestly say we are having some of the best sex ever. Yes, you need to learn some new oral sex tricks - both for you and for her - but the fact is only about 20% of women orgasm with penetrative sex. So guys, do your partner and yourself a favour and concentrate on learning to pleasure yourselves through oral sex and touching. You will both end up being satisfied. I wanted to write this because I've read so many posts from men distraught that they can't get an erection and "satisfy" their partners. Everyone's different I know but it is possible to have wonderful sex without penetration. And in case you were wondering you can be on the receiving end of some very pleasurable oral sex even though the penis is not erect. Anybody want to back me up and spread the word?

User
Posted 10 May 2024 at 12:10

I'm writing this as a 60+ guy who post op had been unable to get an erection despite the pump, pills and injections. However I have discovered you do not need an erection to have a very satisfying sexual relationship. My partner is the most understanding woman you could imagine and I can honestly say we are having some of the best sex ever. Yes, you need to learn some new oral sex tricks - both for you and for her - but the fact is only about 20% of women orgasm with penetrative sex. So guys, do your partner and yourself a favour and concentrate on learning to pleasure yourselves through oral sex and touching. You will both end up being satisfied. I wanted to write this because I've read so many posts from men distraught that they can't get an erection and "satisfy" their partners. Everyone's different I know but it is possible to have wonderful sex without penetration. And in case you were wondering you can be on the receiving end of some very pleasurable oral sex even though the penis is not erect. Anybody want to back me up and spread the word?

User
Posted 11 May 2024 at 12:58

I think the pressure to have an erection is not necessarily just to satisfy the partners, I feel the pressure is one we put on ourselves. Erection is rightly or wrongly associated with male masculinity and the sudden loss of that is a big issue. I accept some men have accepted this new reality and have partners who are willing to adapt, the issue for me is men struggling internally with themselves with their new reality.

User
Posted 10 May 2024 at 20:26

Okay lads, I hear what you're saying.

But over the past 67 years I've become very attached to my 'best mate' and will do whatever it takes to retain his rigidity. πŸ™‚

As for percentages of females achieving orgasms, apparently 92%  reach 'the big O' whilst doing it their self.

Leaving us blokes to have a beer and watch the footie. πŸ˜‰

Edited by member 10 May 2024 at 21:25  | Reason: Additional text

User
Posted 10 May 2024 at 21:10

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
We can’t wait to get started!! Just waiting for Steve to stop pissing himself!! (It’s early days)

😁 I remember those days. We even tried it on our bed, on an old plastic table cloth. It limited leakage damage but slid onto the floor far too many times.

Edited by member 10 May 2024 at 21:21  | Reason: Spelling

User
Posted 10 May 2024 at 21:52

Hi Mike

You and I are kindred spirits when it comes to VEDs. You are starting out on journey which we started over 12 years ago. Notwithstanding the  success and importance of other methods of solving the problem of ED following PCa treatments, I think the usefulness of VEDs for those who can't tolerate other methods is under estimated. You may like to follow the following link about our experience:

https://community.prostatecanceruk.org/posts/t28948-Re-establishing-Sex-Life

 

 

 'Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it.'                    Richard Feynman (1918-1988) Nobel Prize laureate

 

 

User
Posted 10 May 2024 at 22:18
My wife favours a Satisfyer Pro 2 and I a Massager Male Masturbator Glans ,both from ebay.

Sorry if too much information for some but may encourage others .

User
Posted 11 May 2024 at 19:07

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
 I accept some men have accepted this new reality and have partners who are willing to adapt, the issue for me is men struggling internally with themselves with their new reality.

Very true mate, very true. Yes we can all adapt to life without a stiffy but you're very lucky if you don't feel emasculated.

Absolutely true Sir! "You are very lucky if you don't feel emasculated". 

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User
Posted 10 May 2024 at 20:18

Simon, I have posted frequently about you don't need an erection to have intercourse. Look up flaccid insertion or flaccid intercourse, if you can master the technique it can be out of the world for you both.

Thanks Chris 

User
Posted 10 May 2024 at 20:26

Okay lads, I hear what you're saying.

But over the past 67 years I've become very attached to my 'best mate' and will do whatever it takes to retain his rigidity. πŸ™‚

As for percentages of females achieving orgasms, apparently 92%  reach 'the big O' whilst doing it their self.

Leaving us blokes to have a beer and watch the footie. πŸ˜‰

Edited by member 10 May 2024 at 21:25  | Reason: Additional text

User
Posted 10 May 2024 at 20:45
We can’t wait to get started!! Just waiting for Steve to stop pissing himself!! (It’s early days)
User
Posted 10 May 2024 at 21:10

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
We can’t wait to get started!! Just waiting for Steve to stop pissing himself!! (It’s early days)

😁 I remember those days. We even tried it on our bed, on an old plastic table cloth. It limited leakage damage but slid onto the floor far too many times.

Edited by member 10 May 2024 at 21:21  | Reason: Spelling

User
Posted 10 May 2024 at 21:16

Hi Simon,

Glad you’ve found the pleasure….all you need is communication and experimentation and it’s amazing what fun you can have. I didn’t have surgery but have zero libido due to HT. I can still get an erection of sorts but the idea of penetrative sex just doesn’t do it for me ATM, so we satisfy ourselves with touch and oral stimulation, and it can be so pleasurable.

Have fun,

Derek

User
Posted 10 May 2024 at 21:42
Given a NHS Vacuum Pump this week , very pleased with its results , produces a decent erection sustainable with the large size ring .Partner and I have his and hers stimulation devices with which we both achieve an enjoyable orgasm and no mess to clear up after RT and HT.

Don't give up on pleasures .

User
Posted 10 May 2024 at 21:52

Hi Mike

You and I are kindred spirits when it comes to VEDs. You are starting out on journey which we started over 12 years ago. Notwithstanding the  success and importance of other methods of solving the problem of ED following PCa treatments, I think the usefulness of VEDs for those who can't tolerate other methods is under estimated. You may like to follow the following link about our experience:

https://community.prostatecanceruk.org/posts/t28948-Re-establishing-Sex-Life

 

 

 'Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it.'                    Richard Feynman (1918-1988) Nobel Prize laureate

 

 

User
Posted 10 May 2024 at 22:18
My wife favours a Satisfyer Pro 2 and I a Massager Male Masturbator Glans ,both from ebay.

Sorry if too much information for some but may encourage others .

User
Posted 11 May 2024 at 12:58

I think the pressure to have an erection is not necessarily just to satisfy the partners, I feel the pressure is one we put on ourselves. Erection is rightly or wrongly associated with male masculinity and the sudden loss of that is a big issue. I accept some men have accepted this new reality and have partners who are willing to adapt, the issue for me is men struggling internally with themselves with their new reality.

User
Posted 11 May 2024 at 16:17

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
 I accept some men have accepted this new reality and have partners who are willing to adapt, the issue for me is men struggling internally with themselves with their new reality.

Very true mate, very true. Yes we can all adapt to life without a stiffy but you're very lucky if you don't feel emasculated.

User
Posted 11 May 2024 at 19:07

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
 I accept some men have accepted this new reality and have partners who are willing to adapt, the issue for me is men struggling internally with themselves with their new reality.

Very true mate, very true. Yes we can all adapt to life without a stiffy but you're very lucky if you don't feel emasculated.

Absolutely true Sir! "You are very lucky if you don't feel emasculated". 

 
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