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Fearful to discuss sexuality with specialist

User
Posted 29 Jul 2024 at 10:58

I had prostate surgery in mid February 2024 and was informed by my specialist in early March 2024 that the prostate biopsies had come back positive for prostate cancer.

I have been seeing the specialist regularly since then for investigations and tests but we have never discussed my sexuality and I am really worried about raising the issue with him for fear of rejection or worries that this may result in future care being compromised by the team taking care of me.

Does anyone have any suggestions what to do in this situation.

Edited by member 06 Aug 2024 at 16:21  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 04 Sep 2024 at 11:02

Hi Henry

I'm a 69yo gay man who was diagnosed with prostate cancer June 24  and underwent RARP early August 24.

My partner of 42 years accompanied me to every appt along this process from MRI scan, biopsy, operation pre-assessment course (which was in a room with 10 straight men and their respective partners where the urology nurse explained the procedure, catheter care etc), picking me up from the ward the day after the operation to take me home and finally yesterday when I saw the surgeon for the follow up and results of the pathology which showed negative margins thankfully.

At every appt he was introduced as my partner and nobody batted an eyelid. As a matter of fact he was made to feel most welcome every time.

I reckon you have no need to worry.

Regards

Len

 

User
Posted 29 Jul 2024 at 12:21

Ideally, you should be asked about your sexuality and sexual function as part of the fact finding process because it makes a difference to things like treatment choices and the support you might need, but rather few hospitals do this. Not all clinicians are comfortable talking about sex of any type, mostly out of fear of being asked some question which they can't answer, rather than being homophobic, but many will talk. You should be able to be referred to an ED clinic or Andrology too.

Do any of your clinicians wear NHS Rainbow badges or rainbow lanyards? That's them saying they're happy to talk about issues particularly relevant to LGBTQ+ patients, and in some hospitals (particularly those who were part of the NHS Rainbow badge program), they have had training in this.

You should be able to raise this with your consultant. He might not be able answer your questions, but it shouldn't damage your relationship with him. You might find it easier to bring it up with your clinical nurse specialist.

There are a couple of LGBTQ+ prostate cancer support groups; one in South London, and the other in Manchester, although they both do meetings on Zoom.
London: Metro Walnut
Manchester: Out with Prostate Cancer

They both meet first Saturday of the month on Zoom, so you can only do one or the other on Zoom! The London one also holds an in-person meeting on 3rd Sat of the month, and the Manchester one is hybrid - both Zoom and in-person.

Edited by member 29 Jul 2024 at 12:32  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 06 Aug 2024 at 16:28
Hi Henry,

You can also ask in this group any questions you may have. That is the purpose of this group. :-)

Let me know if I can be of help with my experience. I had surgery back in April 2018.

Take care,

User
Posted 06 Aug 2024 at 16:56

Thank you for taking time to respond to my post.

Was hoping that some members here might be on 'active survelliance' for their prostate cancer as I am currently am!

I'll be sure to ask further questions for advice.

User
Posted 06 Aug 2024 at 19:45

Hi Henry

I would hope that in this day & age, your sexuality wouldn't matter at all to the medical professionals you are dealing with. I would just have a chat with your clinical nurse specialist, or the specialist nurses on this site. As Paulo said above, there is also a wealth of knowledge in this forum, so I would ask any questions you may have on here as well - you will almost certainly get an answer.

Good luck mate.

Ian.

User
Posted 06 Sep 2024 at 18:47

Hi Henry

I was a little older than you when I had prostatectomy 12 years ago. We are still enjoying our sex life, in many ways with some unintended benefits. There is a lot of knowledge in this forum if you look for it. You may like to check out my experience via the following link and also you may private message me if you like for a chat. Best wishes.

https://community.prostatecanceruk.org/posts/t28948-Re-establishing-Sex-Life

 

 'Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it.'                    Richard Feynman (1918-1988) Nobel Prize laureate

 

 

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User
Posted 29 Jul 2024 at 12:21

Ideally, you should be asked about your sexuality and sexual function as part of the fact finding process because it makes a difference to things like treatment choices and the support you might need, but rather few hospitals do this. Not all clinicians are comfortable talking about sex of any type, mostly out of fear of being asked some question which they can't answer, rather than being homophobic, but many will talk. You should be able to be referred to an ED clinic or Andrology too.

Do any of your clinicians wear NHS Rainbow badges or rainbow lanyards? That's them saying they're happy to talk about issues particularly relevant to LGBTQ+ patients, and in some hospitals (particularly those who were part of the NHS Rainbow badge program), they have had training in this.

You should be able to raise this with your consultant. He might not be able answer your questions, but it shouldn't damage your relationship with him. You might find it easier to bring it up with your clinical nurse specialist.

There are a couple of LGBTQ+ prostate cancer support groups; one in South London, and the other in Manchester, although they both do meetings on Zoom.
London: Metro Walnut
Manchester: Out with Prostate Cancer

They both meet first Saturday of the month on Zoom, so you can only do one or the other on Zoom! The London one also holds an in-person meeting on 3rd Sat of the month, and the Manchester one is hybrid - both Zoom and in-person.

Edited by member 29 Jul 2024 at 12:32  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 29 Jul 2024 at 14:54

Unfortunately he does not wear a lapel pin or lanyard - only a PC UK pin.

 

 

Edited by member 06 Aug 2024 at 16:22  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 06 Aug 2024 at 16:28
Hi Henry,

You can also ask in this group any questions you may have. That is the purpose of this group. :-)

Let me know if I can be of help with my experience. I had surgery back in April 2018.

Take care,

User
Posted 06 Aug 2024 at 16:56

Thank you for taking time to respond to my post.

Was hoping that some members here might be on 'active survelliance' for their prostate cancer as I am currently am!

I'll be sure to ask further questions for advice.

User
Posted 06 Aug 2024 at 19:45

Hi Henry

I would hope that in this day & age, your sexuality wouldn't matter at all to the medical professionals you are dealing with. I would just have a chat with your clinical nurse specialist, or the specialist nurses on this site. As Paulo said above, there is also a wealth of knowledge in this forum, so I would ask any questions you may have on here as well - you will almost certainly get an answer.

Good luck mate.

Ian.

User
Posted 06 Aug 2024 at 20:50

 

Thank you for such for your support Ian - much appreciated!

User
Posted 04 Sep 2024 at 11:02

Hi Henry

I'm a 69yo gay man who was diagnosed with prostate cancer June 24  and underwent RARP early August 24.

My partner of 42 years accompanied me to every appt along this process from MRI scan, biopsy, operation pre-assessment course (which was in a room with 10 straight men and their respective partners where the urology nurse explained the procedure, catheter care etc), picking me up from the ward the day after the operation to take me home and finally yesterday when I saw the surgeon for the follow up and results of the pathology which showed negative margins thankfully.

At every appt he was introduced as my partner and nobody batted an eyelid. As a matter of fact he was made to feel most welcome every time.

I reckon you have no need to worry.

Regards

Len

 

User
Posted 06 Sep 2024 at 10:40

Hi Len,

Thank you very much for sharing your experience.

It seems that you had no issues with any staff member during your consultations or procedures or after care.

So pleased everyone made you and your partner feel most welcome.

Best wishes, Henry

User
Posted 06 Sep 2024 at 16:02

Henry,

Has anyone at the hospital made you feel uncomfortable about discussing sexuality or made you worried this might happen?

User
Posted 06 Sep 2024 at 17:20

 

Nobody has ever even talked about sexuality!

User
Posted 06 Sep 2024 at 18:47

Hi Henry

I was a little older than you when I had prostatectomy 12 years ago. We are still enjoying our sex life, in many ways with some unintended benefits. There is a lot of knowledge in this forum if you look for it. You may like to check out my experience via the following link and also you may private message me if you like for a chat. Best wishes.

https://community.prostatecanceruk.org/posts/t28948-Re-establishing-Sex-Life

 

 'Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it.'                    Richard Feynman (1918-1988) Nobel Prize laureate

 

 

User
Posted 07 Sep 2024 at 17:45

 

Thank you for taking the trouble to respond  to my post and I have checked out the link you provided.

 
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