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User
Posted 01 Aug 2025 at 12:33

I’ve being seeing a man for a number of months now. He talks about sex all the time but I think deep down it makes him nervous. He won’t discuss it will me, but I do notice he leaves the bedroom before we have sex. How can I reassure him without discussion it will be ok.

Thanks, I’m not a lady who wants to give up, just looking for ways to helped 

User
Posted 01 Aug 2025 at 18:41
Hi Hay,

You say he has 'it' by which I assume you mean Prostate Cancer (PCa), It could be that he is on Hormone Treatment, which can result in a man not being able to perform as apart from loss of libido in most cases, the drop in Testosterone means he can't perform or as well. It could be this that is causing him to hold back both for reason of desire and embarrassment of failure. He might not like to admit this and it could be frustrating for him as well as you. If he will only be on HT for a time, after this and possibly Radiotherapy (RT) for example, Testosterone should gradually return after the HT stops. HT can even change the personality and behavior of some men on it as well as cause premature tiredness. It does need an understanding partner. This is a strong possibility but we don't really know much about the circumstances. Encourage him to talk about his cancer and treatment but don't press him. Feel free to pass on anything that might help us to help you both being careful not to post info he would not wish you to, although there is no need for him to be identified.

Barry
User
Posted 01 Aug 2025 at 19:05

Hi,

Has he been treated for prostate cancer? It's possible he may have trouble getting erections. He may be leaving the bedroom prior to having sex, to inject his penis, to get an erection?

User
Posted 02 Aug 2025 at 01:48
A possibility Adrian but if this is the case after injecting he would then surely return to the bedroom? Hay doesn't say whether they share the same bed, kiss, cuddle, and caress or how far they go. It seems strange to me that Hay says he talks about sex all the time but won't discuss it with her. I would have thought she could say something like "Do you find me attractive and if so is there a reason why you can't or don't want to make love to me?" This would give him the opportunity to come out with it (the answer, I mean). If he just shrugs it off, she could then say to him. "Please tell me if the reason is due to your cancer situation?" If he says yes, draw him out on whether this is expected to be temporary or long term as you care for him and will understand but it is only fair that you know. If he still shrugs it off, say you are disappointed he won't give an answer and feel he doesn't sufficiently care about you and your feelings and that not talking about your concerns is no way to further develop a meaningful relationship. The fact that he refuses to discuss it indicates you have already tried. Eventually, you may have to decide if you are prepared to have him just as a friend on his terms temporarily or for the long term.

You know the man and we don't, only the ramifications PCa can have on relationships. Indeed, there have been at least two members on this Forum whose partners have left them because they were affected by PCa. Most partners support their men the best way they can, often researching and posting here whether they have sexual relations or not.

Barry
User
Posted 02 Aug 2025 at 04:55

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
A possibility Adrian but if this is the case after injecting he would then surely return to the bedroom?

Hi Barry,

Hay mentions, "I notice he leaves the bedroom before we have sex."

By this, I assume that they share the same bed, and that following a bit of foreplay he leaves the room, and when he comes back they have sexual intercourse.

The only reasons I can think of him doing this is to further stimulate himself, by penile injections or other means, or maybe to have a pee if he suffers from climacturia?

It's embarrassing for most men to admit that they have problems and need 'additional help' to get fully aroused. It's may be why he leaves the room, to do this in private, before returning 'ready for action'

To be able to better advise the lady, it would help if we knew if her fella has had prostate cancer, if so how was it treated, and has it left him with any erectile problems.

Edited by member 02 Aug 2025 at 05:26  | Reason: Typo

 
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