New relationship

Hi Hay,

You say he has 'it' by which I assume you mean Prostate Cancer (PCa), It could be that he is on Hormone Treatment, which can result in a man not being able to perform as apart from loss of libido in most cases, the drop in Testosterone means he can't perform or as well. It could be this that is causing him to hold back both for reason of desire and embarrassment of failure. He might not like to admit this and it could be frustrating for him as well as you. If he will only be on HT for a time, after this and possibly Radiotherapy (RT) for example, Testosterone should gradually return after the HT stops. HT can even change the personality and behavior of some men on it as well as cause premature tiredness. It does need an understanding partner. This is a strong possibility but we don't really know much about the circumstances. Encourage him to talk about his cancer and treatment but don't press him. Feel free to pass on anything that might help us to help you both being careful not to post info he would not wish you to, although there is no need for him to be identified.

A possibility Adrian but if this is the case after injecting he would then surely return to the bedroom? Hay doesn't say whether they share the same bed, kiss, cuddle, and caress or how far they go. It seems strange to me that Hay says he talks about sex all the time but won't discuss it with her. I would have thought she could say something like "Do you find me attractive and if so is there a reason why you can't or don't want to make love to me?" This would give him the opportunity to come out with it (the answer, I mean). If he just shrugs it off, she could then say to him. "Please tell me if the reason is due to your cancer situation?" If he says yes, draw him out on whether this is expected to be temporary or long term as you care for him and will understand but it is only fair that you know. If he still shrugs it off, say you are disappointed he won't give an answer and feel he doesn't sufficiently care about you and your feelings and that not talking about your concerns is no way to further develop a meaningful relationship. The fact that he refuses to discuss it indicates you have already tried. Eventually, you may have to decide if you are prepared to have him just as a friend on his terms temporarily or for the long term.

You know the man and we don't, only the ramifications PCa can have on relationships. Indeed, there have been at least two members on this Forum whose partners have left them because they were affected by PCa. Most partners support their men the best way they can, often researching and posting here whether they have sexual relations or not.

'Before we have sex' can be interpreted in 2 ways. Adrian read it as meaning that Hay's man temporarily left the room and then returned to have sex. I read it as meaning he left the bedroom before they had sex but did not return to have it. She seemed to reinforce this by saying she was not a lady who gave up easily. I based my reply on this interpretation. So, Adrian and I covered both possibilities. Maybe Hay will clarify and let us know whether her man is being treated for PCa, and if so how, which is germane in either case.