ManncubDad, I think there isn't a right answer to what affects incontinence, there is individual variation. But you can play around and check what works for you.
Although I was very cautious at first, for me experimentation showed I had little problem with tea. (Though to be fair, there are some pretty tasty decaff teabags available).
Coffee was different, it took at least a year before I could manage caffeinated coffee, and even then no more than one cup a day. And then after I had salvage RT six years later I again became sensitive to coffee with caffeine. Happily I prefer tea to coffee anyway.
I found I couild cope with modest amounts of red wine after a few months, though I can't remember now exactly how soon. It was probably in part because at the end of the day I am unlikely to do other activities which increase the risk; I remember the first time I went out to a party somewhere locally, managed OK with careful drinking but started leaking on the walk home. These days I don't have problems with the equivalent of half a bottle.
Good luck, it is a journey many of us have shared.