Hi Paula, to answer your questions Mike was in the hospital and hospice for almost a month, but all men and circumstances are so different it is impossible to compare. On the day Mike died he had a massive bleed to the stomach, just before this his onco had said if we got him through the next 48 hours he would probably have a couple of months left. We were planning a nursing home, quite simply because there would be 24 hour help and care, and I could spend quality time with him.
Regarding your mum sitting by his bedside day after day, we are all different, but for me this was the greatest privilege. It still gives me comfort that at this time I was with him and able to help in a small way to keep him as comfortable as possible. It's hard to explain, but I know he knew I was there.
I did call my son and stepchildren to the hospital at what I thought was a critical time, and he actually came round and smiled to see them, although he was in quite a drugged state so I am not sure how aware he really was.
But I understand too how hard it is for you, my mother sat with my brother for weeks before he died and I was at work trying to concentrate but jumping every time the phone rang and feeling useless.
Please take care of yourself, Paula, it is a very hard time physically and emotionally, your love for your dad shines through and he knows and understands how much you care, Janet, x