I'm interested in conversations about and I want to talk about
Know exactly what you want?
Show search

Notification

Error

Dads small cell cancer

User
Posted 24 Jul 2014 at 18:43

Hi everyone i have not been on here in ages.


Dad was diagnosed in aug 2012 with prostate cancer which was found to be the small cell type.He had chemo and hormone injections and has remained "well" for most of this time.I understand this cancer is rare and aggressive and sadly the other people i followed on here as someonesdaughter" their other halfs lost their battles.Dad has a check up due soon.Just saying HI and wondered if anyone else has this rare cancer and how their symptoms are .

User
Posted 11 Mar 2017 at 21:00

Hi everyone.good news is Dads daffodils have come up around the rugby club and Dad is still here to see them!! He has recently been in good health walking around etc.He and mum celebrated their 51st anniversary.unbelievable that he was given months to live in 2015.I wished I hadn't worried so much when he WS diagnosed in 2012..Yes he has been very I'll several times but he is still here thanks to chemotherapy. I hope his story gives hope to others diagnosed with this rare type.they thought he had the usual type of prostate cancer first for perhaps two yrs before the small cell type.it was mum who spotted the symptoms while battling her own stage 4 cancer. My heart goes out to everyone whose dear Dad's are suffering and I will keep my fingers crossed for you.Thank you Lynn for your continued support.Perhaps the newcomers should start their own threads that way anyone searching for support can gain more advice.love to all Paula xx

User
Posted 16 Dec 2017 at 06:57

Wishing all you fantastic people on here a peaceful Christmas.I hope you make memories with your families.Love to all especially Lynn Devonmaid edanmo Nikon Steve Julie and Chris j and and Jill batty and Johanson xxx

User
Posted 25 Jan 2016 at 10:33

Golden sugared almonds are on order and Mum let slip she has contacted the local council and the "friday club" who are men who keep the grounds of the rugby club where my brother and nephew play and dad is part of helping out and taking hundreds of photos for years.Between them they have filled the roundabout opposite the club with daffodil bulbs as a memorial to him.I think it is lovely and he is hoping to see them flower.
All lovely things that are a distraction from all the medical stuff of the last few years.xx

User
Posted 23 Aug 2017 at 18:09

Oh Janet thank you so much for that reply.I have been going over and over in my mind the last two weeks why he won't let us see him.Last time I did I was positive and happy so its not to prevent the sorrow on peoples faces.I understand the diorreah has stopped now he is refusing I Vs or blood tests.
It is so hard when I can't help him at all.I think it is a natural reaction to cook for or assist someone who is struggling so I feel helpless.
The hospice at home can do little to help out so mum is looking at nursing homes to assist with his multiple needs as she can't cope at night with him.
His badly ulcered leaking legs are a little better however he has chest pains now so has 2 hourly pain relief type morphine and a patche on his skin.
We have no idea how his kidneys are doing as he refuses blood tests now.
He has stopped saying he wishes to die as far as I know.
They think he has had shingles due to painful and scaly skin on his head and face.
Do you mind me asking how long your husband was like this Janet? Dads been in for three weeks now.I am so sorry you have been here too it is a very hard place to be I don't know how mum. Copes every day at his bedside.
Thank you all so much I feel less lonely now.xxxx

User
Posted 13 Sep 2017 at 08:32

Thank you all.Dad has had so many genuine tributes to him form the rugby club and our family has too it has been touching.All saying what a great man he was and a true gentleman.
I helped Mum choose some lovely clothes for the funeral.
It didn't sink in with me then I saw pictures of when he was a well man and I found that emotional.
Our task is to look after Mum who has lost her best friend of 53 years.
Dad was a keen gardener so we will make the front garden pristine for his final journey as he hasn't been home for 7 weeks.
I hope my 5 year lost posts will inspire someone who is diagnosed with this rare type.Dad had adenocarcinoma to along with the small cell.
I hope I haven't upset anyone with my frank posts either.:(
Love to you all Paula xxxx

User
Posted 15 Sep 2017 at 14:49

Thank you Steve you have been so supportive over the years as one of my adopted brothers wrote a passage about how mum and Dad saved him from the care system but this bit struck a chord with me

'How conspicuously absent the book on life and death is I wish I had been able to read him this last chapter were it to hand but we all go into the unknown disarmed I hope though that his families love was a sound enough vessel for his voyage to the other shore.
If the currency were love and wishes for ease the ferryman was well paid indeed"
I love this and hope we can give Dad the best send off with his whole huge family gathered he would be loved to see us together
Take care Paula xx

User
Posted 11 Oct 2017 at 15:05
Paula
I haven't logged into this site for months but for some reason today I just thought I should. Yours was the first thread I looked at. We shared so many ups and downs and chatted so much over the years I felt priviliged but very sad to have shared the journeys we made.

My hearfelt condolences to you and your family. You are a very special daughter.

Your Dad's final journey sounds beautiful, a wonderful life celebrated. I bet the front garden to start that journey did him proud too.

Sending you my warmest wishes for the future

xxx
Mo
User
Posted 01 Jan 2015 at 22:46

Yes, my father-in-law made a decision to stop eating and pretty much controlled his own end. Hard for us but I have nothing but love and respect for a man who maintained his dignity right to the last.

Don't forget to take good care of yourself while you are being strong for everyone else x

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 26 Feb 2015 at 00:48

Paula, I was just sitting here imagining what an achievement it is to share your life with someone for 50 years - I will be 68 when we have our golden wedding but i think that someone will have to give me a medal for putting up with him that long - he of course says that only a saint could put up with me. Your mum and dad seem so strong in each other's care - a gift that not everyone is blessed with. I guess he is allowed to be grumpy when the treatment plan is being messed up and causing uncertainty.
My love to you all x

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 12 Jun 2015 at 20:37
Paula
now it is time to just be there for your Dad whenever you can ..work permitting and remember you and your Mum also have to have some time for yourselves and other people in your lives. Everyone who cares will understand that your Dad is your top priority in your life right now.
Make sure you take full advantage of any help yyou can get from Macmillan, the hospice or Dad's GP

thinking of you
xx
Mo
User
Posted 18 Jul 2015 at 10:01
Hi Paula,

I just wanted to send my love and best wishes at this difficult time.

I'm saddened everyday hearing about people's actions that don't seem have an ounce of compassion for others but then I realise there are far more good and kind people than those.

Steve x
User
Posted 20 Jul 2015 at 19:35
Paula
your employers suck big time.

You will be surprised how much your Dad can withstand knowing that his little grandchildren will be there to see him at the weekend. I hope you can all make it a special day for him once again.

xx
Mo
User
Posted 06 Nov 2015 at 00:04

Dear Paula,
Thank you so much.... your words mean a lot to me. I have so much support from you guys,just reading your warm replies, thank you to all of you.
Paula, when you tell what you dad had to eat today- it breaks my heart! I know what you mean. Watch your loved one going down- and all the sudden - he (she) had a good meal!!!!! It makes us sooo happy!
Paula, enjoy every moment with your dad, every minute! That's what I try to do!
My husband lost 40 pounds since July 4th. Being healthy man, 210 lb- went down so fast!
I will pray for your dad, as I always pray for my hubby.
He is on carboplatin and etoposide too. This type of chemo they use for small cell lung cancer too.... And my husband has hormones too.
All I found online- that he might have not even a year to live. I cry and cry and cry- but not in front of him. Thanks God, he is not computer guy and ,probably, don't do as much research as I do... Well may be he knows too and just not to show it to me. What's a wonderful man he is! Cares about me even being so ill!
We live in small town, North Carolina, doctors are good, but it's not top line cancer center. We, however , get in touch with two top cancer centers in USA, and two doctors we talked to, agreed with treatment protocol. My husband is old school guy and he didn't want to go to trials. We(well, I) found one in USA for small cell prostate cancer- Aurora inhibitor, second phase and stats is not very encouriging.
Type of cancer your dad and my hubby have----- rare!!!!!! I wish I could find the cure. All my research online----- no luck.
Will have his second round of chemo Nov.11th. and radiation after that. His first chemo was relatively good, he is having some neuropathy, which he had before the treatment any way. That's when his primary care doc and his team treated him with neurological disorder, which made his half - disabled, he is walking with walker now. It makes me soo mad! This is America, dude! Not third world country, where they don't have good doctors. What did you do to him???!!!!
He was so independent, was running his own business and now----- he is my baby, I help him bath, dress, cary him around. Hard on me but ten times harder on him. My poor husband, he is great man, his spirit is up, and he is going to beat the cancer!
Hey guys, sorry if my English too American for your British:))) That's all I know. I am Russian girl, lucky enough to meet this wonderful American man, fall in love, marry, learn American English---- and ---- boom, that beast hit him---- CANCER! I had four wonderful years with him! And love him so much. I just don't know how to help him.
Let's stay strong, Paula. Pray for our loved ones.
And thank you so much for supporting me.
I don't have much help, even though my husband's sons live next door- they have they own lifes, young boys, just got married, I understand- but----------- IT's YOUR FATHER!!!! The best father I've ever seen, especially comparing to my ex and my own father, he deserves better for all he did for them. WELL, God will judge them, not me.
Thank you guys! All I need just warm words and some support.

User
Posted 01 Jan 2016 at 20:47

Good god !! 50 yrs together. Now that has to be a love match. I'll leave that spare bottle of Cava in the garage.
Best wishes
Chris


If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade
User
Posted 02 Mar 2017 at 18:17

But ideally those comments and updates need to be on torebh's thread rather than this one. I am sure nobody would want to cause any distress to cookiegirl by keeping her thread live. She hasn't logged on for many months but it is possible that she receives an e-mail alert every time one of us posts anything :-(

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 09 Sep 2017 at 15:43

Feeling for you Cookiegirl. It sounds as if dad is in a bad way.

All you can do is what you are already doing. Being there for him and your mum. Difficult days ahead for you and I'm thinking of you.

Best Wishes

Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 09 Sep 2017 at 23:07

Dad can't swallow now.He is almost comatose.The gurgling from the secretions in his chest is difficult to hear.We have all visited him now and the nurses are being fantastic with him and us.
Goodnight for now and love to all on here Paula xx

User
Posted 10 Sep 2017 at 06:31

It is a privilege Paula , utterly ! Sitting and holding someone's hand talking softly is their only last feint grip on life but gives them so much reassurance judging by their grip. Thinking of you daily x

Edited by member 10 Sep 2017 at 06:35  | Reason: Not specified


If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade
User
Posted 11 Sep 2017 at 21:46

Dear Paula , so sad for you all and your loss. Sending strength for the weeks ahead. I've read every one of your posts and can just imagine what a lovely , caring , strong devoted person you are. I just know your dad must have loved you so dearly and been so proud of you. Hope you can find that extra inch to be there for mum. It's been so brave of you to share. Please take care of yourself xx


If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade
User
Posted 17 Sep 2017 at 19:49
Oh Paula
I haven't been on for a while and am deeply saddened to read that your lovely dad has passed away. I know from my own experience of losing my mum and dad that the relief of them being out of pain overwrote my sorrow at losing them. I did have a delayed reaction to grief, I assume because of the initial relief but I would never want them back given the state they were in. I love dreaming about them and always feel that we remain connected that way, I feel the same about my sister who passed away this year, I've had some odd dreams where things that happened in real life have been sort of mentioned in my dreams, it feels like a connection remains with her too.

You have been through a pretty awful time, be kind to yourself and your mum and siblings, and hopefully in time, you will remember only the good days with dad. That's how it has worked out for me, memories of the final days are quite blurred and I see them in my minds eye as strong and healthy and it makes me happy.

Hugs
Devonmaid xxxx
User
Posted 19 Sep 2017 at 20:30

Thank you all so much especially Devenmaid who has followed Dads story for years.The rugby club are honouring Dad with a minutess silence before Saturdays game.This is a rare thing for them to do.
I feel OK and hope this will remain the case although I'm prepared for some sadness that will hit me.
On a positive note Dad had years longer than prognosis even since 2015 when he was Given a few months:)
Mums doing OK really and I know the funeral is going to be emotional with all the family there.
Dad was loved by all that knew him.A kind considerate man.
I hope his long journey gives hope to others diagnosed with this rare type.xx Paula
I hope we can raise money for prostate cancer UK on mums just giving page too.

User
Posted 11 Oct 2017 at 22:20

Thank you Mo.I wasn't sure if you left the site.I've been torn between Mum Dad and work the last few months.
Today I've been reflecting on the last month.Everyone's replies on here have meant so much in a situation others don't understand.I can't thank you all enough xx

User
Posted 17 Dec 2017 at 09:30

Thank you, and thinking of you, Paula. Wishing you, your mum and family peace and hoping your memories of times with your dad are comforting, albeit bittersweet, take care, Janet, x

User
Posted 24 Jul 2014 at 18:43

Hi everyone i have not been on here in ages.


Dad was diagnosed in aug 2012 with prostate cancer which was found to be the small cell type.He had chemo and hormone injections and has remained "well" for most of this time.I understand this cancer is rare and aggressive and sadly the other people i followed on here as someonesdaughter" their other halfs lost their battles.Dad has a check up due soon.Just saying HI and wondered if anyone else has this rare cancer and how their symptoms are .

User
Posted 24 Jul 2014 at 21:56
Hi, just saying hello, but haven't really any up to date help. Hopefully someone will be along to help, but you can always call the Specialist Nurses' helpline on this site. They are very knowledgeable and explain complicated issues in a helpful and supportive way. Take care, Janet
User
Posted 25 Jul 2014 at 14:06

oops forgot to say im Paula.Yes Dad has (mostly) done very well to get to the 2 yr mark and he and Mum who also has stage 4 cancer have enjoyed plenty of treatment free time.Who knows what is around the corner.but so far so good.Loving the new prostate cancer site and im sure i will find my way around!! love to all on here Paula xx

User
Posted 29 Jul 2014 at 17:32

Thanks ladies yes i hope Dad gives others hope that are diagnosed with this rare form.Sadly the other peoples Dads and husbands didnt respond so well to treatment.He and Mum who was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer (rare type) in 2007 !! are selling prostate cancer keyrings and spreading the word.Treatment has come on leaps and bounds and we are very lucky to have them both here,Paula :)

User
Posted 17 Aug 2014 at 14:56
Oh no. Paula
Blasted small cell is so insidious. Poor dad and poor you.

What does the oncologist recommend as the nest step?

Lots of love
Allison
User
Posted 01 Jan 2015 at 22:55

Paula

These are the most difficult times. As we look forward to our later years, we all hope for the best quality of life, but do not want to be a burden for our offspring. Respect your father's wishes, and give him all the love and support you can.

Thinking of you through what will be a rough period, but also remember all the good times you shared. Look after yourself and the rest of your family. I hope they will also look after you.

Paul

Stay Calm And Carry On.
User
Posted 25 Feb 2015 at 22:50

Let's hope they make 50, get the telegram, and are able to celebrate it in style!

Stay Calm And Carry On.
User
Posted 25 Feb 2015 at 23:20

Congratulations to your Mum and Dad Paula, not only for all they have been through and for what you have been through . I know it has been tough but 49 years together , Wow A HUGE CONGRATULATIONS to you all . X


BFN


JULIE X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 26 Feb 2015 at 00:57
Paula
you are a fabulous daughter and I promise you they are very precious to have. Your Dad does well to be just a little grumpy as Lyn says.
49 years together is such a rare thing these days as others have said a truly WOW achievement.
XX
Mo
User
Posted 26 Feb 2015 at 16:59

oh thank you all.Dads parents made 52 yrs wed too :) The fact they are both still here after one yr prognosis each is amazing.dad has been struggling lately but this is the 4th chemo between them and it does takes its toll.dad is at his friends funeral fri another lovely man lost to prostate cancer.
Lets hope they make 50 yrs wed then they can have all the fostered and adopted kids around them and their 3 and 13 grandkids. love to all on this site Heres hoping Dads 3 scans are ok :)

User
Posted 24 Mar 2015 at 23:00

Prayers and best wishes to you all.


Chris.

User
Posted 24 Mar 2015 at 23:08
Paula
just to let you know that I am thinking of you all, your Dad is in the best possible place right now he needs medical care on hand to help him through this.

xx
Mo
User
Posted 25 Mar 2015 at 00:32

Cookiegirl, I hope dad is more comfortable soon x

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 25 Mar 2015 at 09:11

Just to let you know that I am thinking of Mum and Dad for you Paula , I hope that they can get Dad stabalised and back home soon.


BFN


Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 25 Mar 2015 at 21:00
Good news thanks Paula

hope your Dad is home tomorrow as planned
xx
Mo
User
Posted 25 Mar 2015 at 22:19
Your dad is quite a man Paula, there's me reading this backwards and finding him decorating a couple of weeks ago!

With that spirit in him he should be home soonest and hopefully feeling a lot better. Hugs to you and mum.

Love Allison xxx
User
Posted 26 Mar 2015 at 18:45

Dads home several bags of antibiotics later.The chemo isnt working sadly so some radiotherapy is being lined up to target certain areas He was in good spirits all things considered.Yes Allison he was moving the grankids wendy house when the bleeding started he forgets he isnt 40 something and has cancer lol xx

User
Posted 10 Apr 2015 at 13:37
Paula
your Dad has been putting up a terrific fight against small cell PCa, he is one tough Man. I am sure the love, support and help he gets from you and your Mum, friends and family is a big help.
I hope the next treatment provides more relief
Best wishes
xx
Mo
User
Posted 10 Apr 2015 at 17:28
Hi Paula
good to read your update Mum and Dad are being so positive no matter what is being thrown at them hope the RTH helps with the spread to the bones..
You are a great help to your Dad no need to tell you that Carolann was always there for Eric with their wicked sence of humour he hated the looking for symphathy route.
Sending you best wishes to you and family
Carol
User
Posted 18 Apr 2015 at 18:38
Paula
My heart goes out to you and your family it is so sad when the disease progresses beyond the treatable.

Your Dad is a brave man and he will deal with all that comes with terrific dignity. The hospice team will help all of you as well.
If there is anything you want to ask or talk about please ask away I will do my very best to answer you honestly and with empathy.

You have and continue to be a wonderful and supportive daughter
Bless you for that.

Xx
Mo
User
Posted 18 Apr 2015 at 18:55

I was so sorry to hear your latest news Cookiegirl.

I hope you all find some comfort in the help he receives from the home care team.

He has lived his life as he wanted to, doing more in his "extra" time than many would have achieved.

God bless you all
Best Wishes
Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 18 Apr 2015 at 19:11

Hi Paula,


Just to say I am also thinking of you. You have been a wonderful support to your Dad, keep us updated, remember, we are all here for you,


 


Fiona. x

User
Posted 18 Apr 2015 at 20:58
Hi Paula
I'm so sorry to hear this latest news. You dad must be some heck of a guy, he has really done so well given the type of cancer he has. I salute him and you, what a daughter you are, so supportive and loving, I know he will have appreciated everything you have done, I guess I can only say to try your best to enjoy your time together, go out, have laughs and meals and reminiss about good family times. It's what we did with my dad and what my girls do with their own dad, and maybe what we should all do, illness or no illness.

We will be thinking of you Paula.

Lots of love
Allison xxx
User
Posted 18 Apr 2015 at 22:03
Hi Paula
sorry to hear your latest news my heart goes out to you and Mum and. Dad.
You have been there for your parents they sound lovely people.
I know how hard this time is for you when you are so close our daughter was the best tonic for her Dad she never treated him any diffrent they both had a wicked sence of humour.
Send Mun and Dad my best wishes I am sure your strengh and love will help you through this as a family.
Will be thinking of you all
Carol x
User
Posted 19 Apr 2015 at 09:56

It is so sad when you reach this stage with a loved one. Make sure you look after yourself as you will need all your strength in the coming weeks. Thoughts with you, your family and your dad.

Paul

Stay Calm And Carry On.
User
Posted 19 Apr 2015 at 11:29
Hi Paula,

So sorry to hear your latest news. Thinking of you all at this difficult time.

Steve x
User
Posted 19 Apr 2015 at 14:07

Hello cookiegirl, I have read your posts especially your last ones with sadness for you and your family. I hope what time you all have together is precious for you all and comfortable for your dad. I remember when my mum was dying many years ago she said she would be alright as long as I was alright . It was hard to stay strong for her but I tried as best I could. It seems you are a kind and devoted daughter and your dad will be tenderly cared for. Georgina

User
Posted 19 Apr 2015 at 18:25

thank you all so much that nearly made me cry just in from a busy day at work and its quite hard to keep my feelings in all day when everyone is worrying about trivia (they are all early 20 s).
To be honest we ve had several more "last xmas or last birthdays" with Mum and now with Dad but this has still hit us quite hard i think the fact is we are never prepared to lose our parents and definately not to see them ill or defeated.
Dads Mum was an active 93 yr old.I just hope the next bit isnt too awful but we will all pull together as there are 5 of us and 13 grandkids thats what happens when you foster and adopt babies lol they have helped alot of youngsters that can be their legacy xx
sorry about your Mum georgina i always see them when im positive with cake or flowers bet they think im hard as nails :)

User
Posted 19 Apr 2015 at 20:46
Hi Paula

I am so sorry to hear of the news about your dad.

From reading your posts it is obvious that you are a wonderful daughter to your dad. He must be so proud of you.

I also have a daughter so I know from experience the special bond that develops between daughters and dads.

Thinking of you at this difficult time.
User
Posted 19 Apr 2015 at 23:32

Paula, sad news that you have been half-expecting and I imagine this will have hit your mum hard ... after all the years she has battled, she probably never considered that she could ever be having to face the prospect of being without her soul mate.

It may be that although a decision has been made that further treatment is not in dad's best interests, he is strong and will be able to have months with you still - maybe the summer warmth will lift him. I know that my father-in-law reached a stage when he got tired and made a decision to let go - but he had some jobs to do first and spent the summer creating happy memories for his family. Sometimes the strength of a soul and spirit cannot be explained by science - look at Old Al's old threads for hope xxx

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 02 Jun 2015 at 18:32

Sorry to hear your latest news Paula.
I hope his pain gets easier to bear.
All the best
Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 04 Jun 2015 at 01:22

Hi Paula,
I think it depends on the circumstances in which you are doing these additional hours. If they are simply being processed as overtime, you are going to come to a time soon where you might need to stop the overtime to be with your dad and the employer cannot take action against you if you are fulfilling your contracted hours. On the other hand, if they have given you a temporary contract for the additional hours then you may be obliged to fulfil ... unless there was an opt-out or review built in.

As far as the meetings go, it is quite common for employers have an attendance management policy which includes a manager review meeting at the third absence, regardless of whether those absences are one day or 3 months each. I imagine the policy then says that there are three stages to the attendance process, stage 1 being dealt with by the line manager, stage 2 & 3 being more serious and therefore dealt with by senior managers. Usually stage 2 involves a referral to occupational health or requesting a report from the GP.

They can only dismiss you if they can prove gross misconduct e.g. you worked for someone else while on sick leave. They can discipline you (such as a written warning or final written warning) if you have done something wrong which does not amount to gross misconduct, for example being off sick for more than 5 days and failing to produce a sick note. Many people supporting a relative at the final stages of their life get a sick note from the GP for stress, which protects them from disciplinary action. If you are concerned you can look up your rights in the ACAS handbook here http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=2179 You could also phone ACAS on 0300 123 1100 for free advice

It is great to have a job that you love, but don't put yourself in a position that you might regret later - your dad will not be around for ever and it is a heavy heart that looks back and says "I wish I had had more time"

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 13 Jun 2015 at 15:03

Hi Paula,


Mo is right, short staffed or not it would be a pretty uncompassionate workplace that didn't realise your Dad is top priority so if you have to ask for time, don't feel inhibited. Work is always there, whereas your precious time with Dad may be short. Look after yourself too as much as you can,


 


Sending love, Fiona.

User
Posted 13 Jun 2015 at 16:51

I think it must be pretty uncompasssionate place Fiona as somebody there told Paula earlier on that her parents were elderly and were going to die anyway so deal with it!!
Thinking of you Paula and all your family. Enjoy the time you have left as much as you can under the circumstances.

I know work is important to you in the wider scheme of things but you already have a lot on your plate what with your mum and your husband.
If you aren't careful you might not have to ask for time off for your dad, you'll have run yourself into the ground anyway and will need that time.

Best Wishes
Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 13 Jun 2015 at 22:29

I can only echo what others have said Paula (lovelly pic by the way ) work will allways be there and I understand that we sometimes need to find a balance between our family and earning, some of us have to carry on working to earn a living whiles't going through the hardest of times. I would love to stop breeding dogs and just concentrate on Trevor but I have 2 young children to support so life is a juggling act. I just dash to where I am needed most and I am sure that you are doing the same. The sad facts are somtimes we are not able to be where we want to be but that will never stop your heart being in the right place at the right time.


Thinking of you.


BFN


Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 26 Jun 2015 at 20:04
Paula
Your colleague is an unpleasant person, let's hope nothing like this happens to her!

Lovely to hear your sister came to see your dad, life is too short for all of us to hold grudges.

Enjoy every minute
Love Allison xxx
User
Posted 03 Jul 2015 at 08:54

Paula, if anyone ever deserved to get a new job it is you - good luck :-)



You have probably said so in the past but have you tried waving the employment legislation at your current employer? As a carer for someone with a terminal illness, you are protected by law http://m.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1362. Okay, you may have to exaggerate a little on why you are the carer rather than your mum but maybe not?

Carers UK is a great organisation - have you thought of contacting them?

Edited by member 03 Jul 2015 at 09:00  | Reason: Not specified

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 05 Jul 2015 at 08:20

good luck with the job interview


nidge

run long and prosper
'pooh how do you spell love'
'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it'
User
Posted 14 Jul 2015 at 22:03
Hope work has calmed down and they are being more supportive. Lets hope dad's cough is simply that,

Lots of love
Allison xxx
User
Posted 16 Jul 2015 at 19:18

That's sweet. It's good that dad is catching up with his family.

I'm sure they all take into consideration that dad may get tired but it must be lovely for him to be able to reminisce.

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 20 Jul 2015 at 17:42

Hi Paula,


I wish I could do something to make things easier for you.


Thinking of you all.


Steve x

User
Posted 20 Jul 2015 at 17:51

All our very best wishes and love to you all. Have been thinking of you all x

Chris and Elaine


If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade
User
Posted 20 Jul 2015 at 17:53

Enjoy every minute you have. *** work and your "caring" colleagues.

Concentrate on what is important to you and yours.

Thinking of you

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 20 Jul 2015 at 17:55

hi paula


just let you u know you are doing great by your family


nidge

run long and prosper
'pooh how do you spell love'
'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it'
User
Posted 26 Jul 2015 at 20:34

well Dad has had an amazing turn around this week.His sister came up to see him and he went to my brothers for his birthday lunch then the rest of us saw him later.He looked much better and i am sure no one thought about it being his last birthday just a happy family one for a lovely Dad.He had 50 something messages on facebook and calls from abroad from his brother.A positive end to a rough few weeks and lovely to see him more like himself.I return to work monday and hope everyone on here has as good a week as possible Paula xx

User
Posted 26 Jul 2015 at 22:05
Paula
FABULOUS
XX
Mo
User
Posted 26 Jul 2015 at 22:09

Hi Paula,


That's really good news.  You deserve something nice to happen for your family.


Steve x

User
Posted 26 Jul 2015 at 22:16
Paula

So good to see such a positive post

Arthur
User
Posted 26 Jul 2015 at 23:06

Lovely news Paula.


BFN


Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 26 Jul 2015 at 23:20

A weekend you'll remember for a long time. Brilliant.

Paul

Stay Calm And Carry On.
User
Posted 27 Jul 2015 at 05:23

glad you had a good weekend, hope your face aches from smileing and laughing


nidge

run long and prosper
'pooh how do you spell love'
'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it'
User
Posted 27 Jul 2015 at 08:00

A weekend of happy memories. Lovely

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 12 Aug 2015 at 09:20
Paula
I saw you were online and was hoping you would post. Good to hear your Dad is about as well and settled as can be.
Much better to read that you have had a well deserved break and a good time away from your horrible employers. I am so pleased you have got a trial for a new job with committed and regular hours. I really hope you like them and they like you. I am sure Lyn or others will be able to give you advice on checking out any possible contract, you do not want a repeat of this last experience.
Take care
xx
Mo
User
Posted 06 Sep 2015 at 09:45
Fabbi
I am pleased you have found Pauala's thread you two are indeed in very similar circumstances.

I hope you can support each other on your journey
xx
Mo
User
Posted 09 Sep 2015 at 06:16
Paula,
Wishing you tons of good luck with new job on Fri!

My dad doesn't have the small cell cancer you lovely dad does, so can't imagine what kind of journey you have been through. Isn't it sad though when the tables are turned and after years of being the daughter, you find yourself in the position of looking after your parents and giving them the moral & practical support and encouragement to keep going.

Joan
User
Posted 12 Oct 2015 at 11:53

Glad dad has picked up a bit Paula and especially glad that you've found a job you like with lovely people.

I hope (I'm sure !) they'll give you a lot of support when the time comes

All the best
Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 16 Oct 2015 at 14:36
Thinking of you all Paula, no idea why your GP would decide not to let him have an anti sickness drug. Maybe he was worried it might interact with other drugs he is having.
Xxx
Mo
User
Posted 22 Oct 2015 at 22:25
Poor man,so hard for you to see your dad suffering,at least he has loving family around to support him.
User
Posted 22 Oct 2015 at 22:46
Paula
This is such a worry for you all and so awful for your dad. Let's hope a good rest will make him feel a little better. Thinking of you
Love Allison xxx
User
Posted 23 Oct 2015 at 10:03

On the other hand Paula, I love your dad's determination to carry on as normal and it is his spirit that has got him this far. I think there will come a time in the future when you look back at this and you will smile because it reminds you of your dad's guts and strength of character

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 29 Oct 2015 at 21:53

mum said he had bone pain last night and she is trying to get him a wheelchair to get some fresh air without exhausting himself.Blood tests were taken to determine any more cancer cells.He has been resting since his funny turn (rare for Dad).Work can be a comfort of normality and fun as my mind would go into overdrive
.Mum is amazing really with no means of escape day or night from the effects on her of it all.She takes each day as it comes now without complaint.
Love to you all Paula xx

User
Posted 01 Nov 2015 at 20:50
Hi Paula
Sorry to hear that dad Continues to be in pain. On the blue badge, it doesn't need to be him that drives, he just has to be in the car that uses it. My hubby doesn't drive anymore, too many drugs interfering with perception and exhaustion meaning that his reactions are too slow, I always use the badge when he is with me. Definitely get one ASAP.

Lots of love
Allison xxx
User
Posted 01 Nov 2015 at 22:25

Paula

With his condition, he should be fast tracked. My dad was. Unfortunately, he became too ill to use it.

Paul

Stay Calm And Carry On.
User
Posted 02 Nov 2015 at 17:58

Ah that's a shame Paula.

I sincerely hope that the blood transfusion gives your dad a bit of a boost

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 16 Nov 2015 at 20:25

Dads on a good bit at the moment.the blood transfusion has perked him up and apart from some backache he seems like his old self which is great.He has his wheelchair and my sis got him a walking frame for when he needs it.Dad even drove to the shps with his blue badge on board fast tracked through so he can nip in for essentials and at least get out of the house.love to all and i hope things are good for you myhusbandswife Paula xx

User
Posted 16 Nov 2015 at 21:43

That's good news Paula.

Hope it continues for you all

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 17 Nov 2015 at 14:07
Hi,

Pleased things are going better for your Dad. Nice that he can get out more.

Steve
User
Posted 16 Dec 2015 at 20:47

Chris and Elaine and Sandra ,Alison Lynne Steve and Mo and all you lovely people (too many to mention)
. Thank you so much for all the support and advice this yr as we continue to help Dad.I hope he gets a bit longer in his present condition and hope his journey is an inspiration to others that even when the cancer has reached the lymph nodes chemo can be effective in this aggressive type.
On an amusing note he bought a real xmas tree with white lights for the garden as they took the fir tree out this summer and turfed over the garden to make it easier for mum to get the grass done when he isnt here and he still is :) This will be a "bonus" xmas not a "last one" xx

User
Posted 01 Jan 2016 at 20:35
Paula
goals are good and a 50th wedding anniversary is a monumental one! I know all of this is probably so much easier for you to deal with now that you have a sympathetic and understanding employer.
As long as your Dad is feeling OK, eating as well as he can, staying mobile and having hope then why should anyone doubt that he will make that goal.

Happy New Year to you and yours

xxx
Mo
User
Posted 01 Jan 2016 at 21:50
Having goals is a fantastic thing, I know it doesn't always work but it can be a really lovely incentive to keep going. I think a 50th anniversary is wonderful. As it happens my sister and her husband are celebrating their 50th today, she married at 17 and they said it wouldn't last.

Happy New Year
Love Allison xx
User
Posted 07 Jan 2016 at 07:20

GP and hospice nurse viisited dad.He has to have elastic stocking s and diretics.His protein in his blood is low too.Gp told him he should see his birthday in July but ive no idea if she was giving him hope.Lets see what these new changes do love to all Paula xx

User
Posted 16 Jan 2016 at 13:55

Paula that's awesome. I'm delighted for you all. There will be 40 of you physically there and then all of us mentally there with you.
I LOVE a party whoop whoop xx
Chris


If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade
User
Posted 16 Jan 2016 at 14:06

Party party well done to you all
Regards
Nidge

run long and prosper
'pooh how do you spell love'
'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it'
User
Posted 16 Jan 2016 at 17:06

So pleased for you Paula. I'll keep everything crossed for all of you. x

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 16 Jan 2016 at 20:36

Glad Dad is more comfortable. Fingers crossed for the Party !! Best wishes,


 


Fiona.

User
Posted 16 Jan 2016 at 20:56
Paula
hi
after all you and your family have been through this is lovely news, Lots of nurturing, love and caring now with just 5 weeks until the party. You all truly deserve to have the best party ever.

I will be there with you in spirit every step of the way

xxx
Mo
User
Posted 17 Jan 2016 at 00:51

Hi Paula,


Really good news.


I hope the party is really special for you all.


You deserve happy times.


Steve x

User
Posted 17 Jan 2016 at 10:02

Ahh thank you all it means so much,We havent had any family weddings or parties in yrs,Dad is a real trooper organising it,

Mum is in her element choosing new clothes ha ha,Lots of family photos will be taken and Dad will be in the pics not behind his beloved camera,Best invitation ive had ever :) xx

User
Posted 20 Jan 2016 at 22:52
Fingers and toes crossed here for a memorable day Paula
Lots of love
Allison xxx
User
Posted 21 Jan 2016 at 22:06
Ahhh Paula, you and your family so deserve something to look forward too. Happy planning .
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 16 Mar 2016 at 19:29

The gplden wedding do was a huge sucess.My nephew 9 played a clarinet and one of my brothers who is an actor and singer sang forever young which almost had us in tears !!.Dad thanked everyone including docs and oncologists for all their support.The meal was lovely and the last month Dad has been going to buy bread again and following rugby.


His daffodils surround the local rugby club about 300 Mum had planted.I cant believe he is so well.the hospice nurse comes out every 2 weeks now to look for changes and offer support.Love to all on here and i hope the sunshine is lifting a few spirits xx


Paula xx

User
Posted 16 Mar 2016 at 20:30

So pleased to read this Paula - every happy moment gets tucked away in your hearts for safe keeping x

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 16 Mar 2016 at 20:33
So lovely to read this Paula, thrilled that the party went well too. So happy to hear that dad has improved,
With love
Devonmaid
User
Posted 16 Mar 2016 at 20:43
Paula
big smile from me
xxx
Mo
User
Posted 16 Mar 2016 at 22:21

Wow Paula
Time flies by. I'm so glad your party was a success and that your dad is good. Warmed my cockles it has xx


If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade
User
Posted 21 Sep 2016 at 18:27

Dad has had a great few months getting out and about and welcomed another grandchild too.He is now in hospital with a leg infection.I think the thinning skin and water retention are the cause.He is on a drip and the infection did get a bit worse.I have everything crossed he will be home soon.Love to all on here xx

User
Posted 10 Oct 2016 at 10:41

TURNING THE PAGE AGAIN

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 28 Feb 2017 at 10:00

I think Johsan is right, it would be better if both Lisa and bnelson started their own threads - it might be very upsetting for cookie girl if she suddenly starts getting notifications from the forum when she is probably still grieving.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 11 Mar 2017 at 22:01

Hi Paula
Despite the awfulness of it all I'm so pleased you all seem to have reached a comfortable place. Hope for everyone and a very well kept post for sufferers to follow. Your dad is so lucky to have such a devoted genuinely caring daughter. Best continued wishes
Chris


If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade
User
Posted 11 Mar 2017 at 23:01

Well that is wonderful news Cookiegirl, my heart sank when I saw how long it was since you had checked in.

Spring is such a beautiful time, and always filled with hope xxx

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 12 Mar 2017 at 05:20

Thank you for the positive update Paula.

Like Lyn I was concerned when I looked at new conversations to see you had posted so I was very pleased to see the update.

I know you must be so proud of your parents but equally, they have every right to be proud of their caring and supportive daughter.

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 10 May 2017 at 21:54
Hi I'm so sorry to read. about your lovely Dad. Mine has done far better than expected although he had had some bad times and many infections.
Sadly he has been very unwell the last two weeks.I came home from hold to find he had been taken unwell and become exhausted and taking his liquid morphine for pain.Twice he could barely move and thought this is it.....this weekend he was confused and his arms were shaking involuntarily.not eating or hardly drinking.Mon I heard the hospice nurse had said this is what we were expecting.she insisted he saw the doc so the poor man had to travel to the surgery!!! He has an I fe tion which has become borderline sepsis.Today he had more colour and moved around.we sat in the garden.Perhaps this is an infection he can shake perhaps not.I made a minor mistake at work and when I pointed out I had hardly slept for concern over dad I was told why worry when you know what the outcome will be....angry or what.
Day for day. Love to all and thanks for all the support and cheering my father on xx
User
Posted 10 May 2017 at 22:27

Always think about you. Hang on in there girl. And Karma will get the prick that made that comment x


If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade
User
Posted 11 May 2017 at 01:44

Fingers crossed that he rallies again Cookie Girl - he has pulled it out of the hat before.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 11 May 2017 at 08:18

Sorry dad is going through the mill again cookie girl and I am really sorry that you don't get enough support from your co-workers.

What goes round comes round. I wonder what the future holds for the person who made the tactless comment.

I hope dad can get over this latest problem.

Torehb, I am also sad to read your latest update but at least you all know where you stand now and can spend the remaining time re-living good memories and making more.

Keep strong both of you. Your dads have children to be proud of

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 11 May 2017 at 21:29
Hi Cookiegirl,
I have got everything crossed that dad can come through this infection , more than most I understand the ups and downs of this disease ( the roller coaster ) at this stage one minute we are up and then we are down with not much warning in between.
Your dad has been remarkable he has fought worse .
Sending you all lots of love .
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 13 May 2017 at 09:45

Quick update Dad is feeling much better in himself.He did have a near fall in the garden as his legs are unsteady.He seems to be taking regular oramorph and loads of other pills.
Last weekend I didn't think he would be here now.He even managed some food.He is an amazing man who refuses to give up.Strange to think he could barey move last weekend.
The lady who !made the comment s own parents died of cancer and said she fell apart when her dad died.
Torenib so sorry about your lovely Dad.I hope my Dads almost five yr survival has given you hope.Try not to google anything and enjoy the time you have.I hope you have longer than predicted like we have.
Thank you all for your support it means so much from people who know what were going through Paula xx

User
Posted 01 Aug 2017 at 10:31

Hi Paula
Lovely to hear from you as ever , even though tragic circumstances !! I can't advise on your issue but am sending wishes and strength to all of you.


If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade
User
Posted 03 Aug 2017 at 00:11
From someone who has been here almost from the start of your journey I wish you love and strength through this next part. Your mum and dad are an inspiration to so many .
Lots of love
Julie
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 03 Aug 2017 at 15:51

Dads still being treated in hospital Today he gets transferred by ambulance to a cancer specialist hospital for radiotherapy on his spine.They are trying to sort his leaking legs out and the hospital bed has arrived at Mums.
Five whole years since being diagnosed now.Dad is tired but in good spirits.I started a new job today which kept me distracted.
Thank you Julie for all your support xx Paula xx

User
Posted 03 Aug 2017 at 22:47
Paula
I don't come her so often now but wow, your dad! What a man. I know things aren't great but he is a brilliantl example of survival of small cell, which we all collectively breathe in when we see it mentioned. May he continue to outlive all expeditions xxxxx
Love Devonmaid xxxx
User
Posted 08 Aug 2017 at 08:15

So sorry about this latest upset cookiegirl. I hope the new job fits in well with your need to support your mum and dad. Thinking of you

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 08 Aug 2017 at 10:33

Feeling for you Paula
Trying to balance the lot. Easy to say , but I hope you can stay strong for everyone. You ladies seem excellent at coping with things xx


If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade
User
Posted 08 Aug 2017 at 15:23
Paula,

Just to let you know I'm thinking of you and your family at this time. I don't feel very good with words at the moment but I just wanted to let you know I care.

Steve x
User
Posted 09 Aug 2017 at 06:04

There's no need to feel guilty cookiegirl, although I do understand how you feel.

We all have our own paths to follow, for some of us it's not such a wobbly journey and we have an element of time available to enable us to share.

Even those among us who don't have that luxury will (and have and do) offer what we're good at. A listening ear and a shoulder to lean on.

So, rant away my dear and offload some of that anxiety.

I am sure that you will all do your best (and that is all you can do) to make dad as comfortable as can be during the closing chapters. You care and you're there, even if it isn't as often as you'd like it to be. I'm sure your dad appreciates that.

None of us are superhuman cookiegirl and can only do what we can

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 10 Aug 2017 at 22:00
I'm so sorry to read your latest post, praying for peace for you and your family at this most difficult of times

Arthur
User
Posted 10 Aug 2017 at 22:16

:-((
X


If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade
User
Posted 11 Aug 2017 at 07:12

Virtual hugs from me too cookiegirl.

A difficult time for all of you.

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 11 Aug 2017 at 08:50

Thinking of you .
Debby

User
Posted 11 Aug 2017 at 09:03

My best to you at this difficult time. x

User
Posted 11 Aug 2017 at 09:33

Visiting today I don't know what to expect mum said he is in a bad way which I know his legs are bad.The hospital bed is in Mums living room but I think they are transferring Dad to the hospitals hospice due to being on drips.I hope this last bit goes easy on him.He has been through enough this last week.:(

User
Posted 11 Aug 2017 at 23:33
Loads of love and strength Cookie coming your way .
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 12 Aug 2017 at 09:09

I saw Dad and thankfully his hallucinations and weird turn from Thursday had passed.He was in good spirits but it was very sad to see him shuffle to the loo with his legs so badly leaking.Last night he couldn't get off the bed and lost his call button so peed the bed and sat in it.This breaks my heart.My brothers and sisters have all been to see him. My daughter travels back today.
Su h a cruel illness stripping away control of so many men's lives.
I have no idea how long he has left no one has said.He isn't in pain which is good.I feel helpless it know the staff are dad ing their best.Mum is coping well with it all perhaps being a little angry which is understandable.
Thank you all you are so very kind xx Paula

User
Posted 12 Aug 2017 at 13:11

Yes, a cruel disease and stressful for Dad and family. The main thing now is to ensure as far as possible that he is pain free and comfortable. The love and devotion which helps maintain spirits in his case is a given.

Barry
User
Posted 12 Aug 2017 at 20:39
Hi Paula
I'm so sorry to hear that your lovely dad is so poorly, you are right, this illness robs our men of so much. We have been away to the beach for a week and the difference between this year and last was so evident.

I can only hope that your dad doesn't suffer and this time is peaceful for all the family. Thinking of you.

Devonmaid xxxx
User
Posted 17 Aug 2017 at 10:53

We are still in limbo .Thank you Devon maid for replying.Dad has signed a DNR and doesn't want treatment.Palliative nurse thinks he still has more time to live yet. Xx
I. can't see him as this is his request which we respect He will be given pills to help him sleep and improve his mood.
It is all very distressing so I will be glad to go to work today for some light relief which our poor mum can't do.
She can't cope with him at home yet as his legs are so bad and he has bedsores too although the dioreah has stopped now he is off the IV antibiotics.xx thank you all for your continued support.

User
Posted 18 Aug 2017 at 21:42
Thinkinking of you Paula.
Lots of love winging its way to you.
Xx
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 22 Aug 2017 at 21:11
Still thinking about you Paula xxxxx
User
Posted 22 Aug 2017 at 21:27

Thinking of you
Best wishes
Debby

User
Posted 23 Aug 2017 at 10:16

Thinking of you, Paula, and knowing how hard it is.

When my husband was in a similar position he too didn't want visitors. He asked me to keep them away, and said he didn't want them to see the reality, as he found it difficult to make the effort to talk. I think many men are used to being the 'fixers' in the family and this is beyond fixing. In particular he didn't know what to say to make it better for his mother and daughter.

My brother was similar and didn't want his son to remember him as he was at the end. I know how hard it can be to live through it though, and really feel for you.

Take care of you, Janet, x

User
Posted 24 Aug 2017 at 08:04

Eating about half a sandwich a day and drinking.They seem to think he has time left so mum is looking at a nursing home today.I spoke to him he has chest pains and is breathless now.Dad is a big man so mum can cope in the day but not every night as she hasn't been in best fitness since her cancer.We understood the hospice nurses he has would do more.They are in limbo it seems.It still breaks my heart we can't see him but it is the same for all us girls.
I never thought we would be in this situation tbh.He sounded in good enough spirits which is probably his new meds.
He has almost constant pain relief now xx

User
Posted 24 Aug 2017 at 08:05

He refuses all blood tests.so we don't know what's going on.He doesn't want to know.

User
Posted 24 Aug 2017 at 08:41
In our area it is the local hospice that organises home care and in fact the are McMillan nurses so it may be a similar system to your father's situation. I would ask the hospice
User
Posted 25 Aug 2017 at 08:47
Paula, you are right, day by day, or even hour by hour is all you can really do. And to be there for your mum, or whatever, whoever needs help or support. At this stage there are so many factors playing out, which is usually why the doctors cannot really predict with any degree of accuracy.

Good to hear your dad's spirits have lifted, so important and doesn't matter if it is just the result of medication. I hope the nursing home works out, something as seemingly minor as a shower can make so much difference.

Take care, Janet, xx
User
Posted 28 Aug 2017 at 12:15
Hi Paula,
I read your messages yesterday and was so relieved to find someone going through what we are.My partner was diagnosed with small cell prostrate cancer 15 months ago.We have not been able to find much information about this rare cancer.It has given us so much hope to read that your Dad has survived 5 years since his diagnosis.Tony is doing really well and defying the odds at the moment.We both feel so much more positive after seeing how well your Dad was for so long.
Thank you so much Paula.xx
User
Posted 09 Sep 2017 at 15:48

:-((
Paula , sending love and hope and strength to you all. I recently helped care for a man dying of prostate cancer and it was pretty damn horrible so I can only imagine what it is like for true family to see it. It does sound like this may be the last stretch I fear. Xx


If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade
User
Posted 10 Sep 2017 at 04:22

Hi Chris yes it is unpleasant however I consider it a privilege to sit with Dad.This is what he wanted to prevent for Mum to witness him like this...... obviously way beyond his control.All we can do is be there.xxx

User
Posted 10 Sep 2017 at 08:49
Paula

Your last couple of posts have brought back memories of my Mum's passing. I remember telling Mum it was time to let go. Thinking of you and take care of yourself.

Thanks Chris
User
Posted 11 Sep 2017 at 10:40

Dear Paula, I am glad you feel it is a privilege to be with your dad at this bittersweet time. I understand, and feel sure your dad will feel reassured too. Take care of you, too, xx

User
Posted 11 Sep 2017 at 12:47
Hello Paula,

I'm sorry to hear your sad news, I hope and pray that you will find peace in the coming days.

Best wishes,

Arthur
User
Posted 11 Sep 2017 at 14:05

So sad for you and your family Paula but as you say, he is now out of pain.


How will you feel in the coming weeks and months?
That's a very individual feel but I am sure will swing through relief, guilt, pain, the whole gamut of emotions I expect.


What you need to remember is that however you feel, it is normal for you at that time.


It's hard to believe at the moment that life will revert to "normal" and that the pain will ease, but it will.


Just try and hang onto thoughts of the good times, the laughter and the joy you all shared. Your mum will need you now as there will be much to get through.


You are in my thoughts Paula X



Sandra


*****

Edited by member 11 Sep 2017 at 16:16  | Reason: Not specified

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 11 Sep 2017 at 14:47
So sad to read this Paula, my heart goes out to you and your family.
Thinking of you.
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 11 Sep 2017 at 18:51

My sympathies for you and your family. I have followed your posts. Your lovely dad had a wonderful daughter. May he rest in peace.
Leila

User
Posted 11 Sep 2017 at 23:16
Paula

Please accept my sincere condolences. Thinking of you all at this difficult time.

Thanks Chris
User
Posted 12 Sep 2017 at 07:43

Paula,

I'm so sorry.

David

User
Posted 12 Sep 2017 at 22:41
So sorry to read of your loss Paula. I have followed your situation for a few years now and know how much you loved your dad, I am sure he knew it too.my thoughts are with you and all your family at this sad time.

Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me racing in the Sahara April 2018

User
Posted 12 Sep 2017 at 23:49

So sorry to hear of your loss Paula, and of the tough time that you have all been through. As others have said, you will no doubt be overwhelmed by many different emotions over the coming months - and perhaps will feel that you should be dealing with things 'better', or getting over your loss. The best bit of advice I had was just to let it be. Whatever you are feeling or not feeling is ok. Give yourself space and time to grieve.


Take care of yourself.


Hugs


Ruth xxx

User
Posted 14 Sep 2017 at 17:46

We have set up.a just giving page for prostate cancer UK.Dad would he loved this as he did a charity event for the cause a couple of years ago.xx Paula

User
Posted 15 Sep 2017 at 04:27
Paula,

I'm so sad to read of your Dad's passing.

May he rest in peace.

He was so lucky to have such a loving daughter. You couldn't have done any more. I'm sure you brought great comfort to him.

Take care.

Steve
User
Posted 18 Sep 2017 at 10:12

I'm so sorry to be reading your sad news Paula,

My condolences to you and your family

Viv
X

The only time you should look back is to see how far you have come
User
Posted 10 Oct 2017 at 17:48

That's lovely Paula. Take care of yourself.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 10 Oct 2017 at 18:07

Thank you Paula, for sharing dad's last journey with us.

I'm so glad the sun shone for you all, it makes it so much easier to imagine your dad looking down and sending sunshine your way to let you all know he is fine.

XXXXX

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 10 Oct 2017 at 22:50

XxxxxxxxX
Paula it’s been a privilege to share your journey with you , whilst sad. I think you’ve been amazing and everything a parent could hope for. Look after your mum then start looking after yourself again.
Best wishes here forward ok


If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade
User
Posted 11 Oct 2017 at 00:11
A wonderful and lovely post Paula thank you for sharing your dads memory and last journey.
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 17 Dec 2017 at 09:36

Thank you Paula


 


I won't wish you a "Merry Christmas" but I hope a peaceful and accepting one can be had.


They'll be lots of memories at this time of year, some sad of course, but I hope the happy, joyous ones outweigh those.


 


Best Wishes


 


Sandra


 


******

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 17 Dec 2018 at 14:55
Bless you. I’d cuddle you if I could. Thanks for remembering us all. Best wishes and enjoy your life to the full. Your mum and dad made you the beautiful person you are x

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade
Show Most Thanked Posts
User
Posted 24 Jul 2014 at 21:56
Hi, just saying hello, but haven't really any up to date help. Hopefully someone will be along to help, but you can always call the Specialist Nurses' helpline on this site. They are very knowledgeable and explain complicated issues in a helpful and supportive way. Take care, Janet
User
Posted 24 Jul 2014 at 22:18
Hi
Welcome back.
I don't think we have any current small cell members posting. Yours is a great example for any future cases as it does tend to be a very aggressive cancer type.

Hope all remains well with dad.

Best wishes
Allison
User
Posted 25 Jul 2014 at 14:06

oops forgot to say im Paula.Yes Dad has (mostly) done very well to get to the 2 yr mark and he and Mum who also has stage 4 cancer have enjoyed plenty of treatment free time.Who knows what is around the corner.but so far so good.Loving the new prostate cancer site and im sure i will find my way around!! love to all on here Paula xx

User
Posted 25 Jul 2014 at 15:48
Paula
welcome back and to the new forum. I remember talking with you when you posted as someone's daughter. Your Dad is doing very well indeed, small cell cancer is always an aggressive form so to respond well to chemo and HT is a major result. 2 Years used to be the average prognosis for a Man with advanced cancer that was not the small cell variety but modern medicine is improving things all the time.
There are new treatments coming along all the time and it sounds as though your Dad's Oncologist is doing a great job so far. I do not know of anyone on this forum who has small cell cancer and I do not remember reading about anyone else other than your Dad, it is a rare form of the disease and I guess that means we all know very litte about it. Trust your medical team they seem to be well on top of it so far.
best wishes
xx
Mo
User
Posted 29 Jul 2014 at 17:32

Thanks ladies yes i hope Dad gives others hope that are diagnosed with this rare form.Sadly the other peoples Dads and husbands didnt respond so well to treatment.He and Mum who was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer (rare type) in 2007 !! are selling prostate cancer keyrings and spreading the word.Treatment has come on leaps and bounds and we are very lucky to have them both here,Paula :)

User
Posted 16 Aug 2014 at 19:04

its back !! Dad had his scan results and he has a shadow on his bladder to be biopsid.Also the cancer in his lymph node is back.In a way it is no surprise and his consultant pointed out how well he had done so far but poor dad looked stunned.


Treatment maybe radiotherapy or perhaps more chemo.Mum gets her cancer check in oct. Paula

User
Posted 17 Aug 2014 at 14:56
Oh no. Paula
Blasted small cell is so insidious. Poor dad and poor you.

What does the oncologist recommend as the nest step?

Lots of love
Allison
User
Posted 18 Aug 2014 at 17:46

Hi Alison Ct scan tue to see if it is a new cancer of the bladder..it has gone through the bladder wall,or if it is indeed the small cell.Then biopsy then either radiotherapy,,more chemo or tablets.Poor Dad is a strong man but im sure this has been a huge blow.He was on a clear out of his things today.I will post when we know more but his story is still hope for others diagnosed with mixed small cell as he has had 2 yrs from diagnosis,best wishes Paula xx

User
Posted 05 Nov 2014 at 13:24

Update:well Dad had his biopsy and they were hopeful the new tumour in his bladder wasnt cancerous.He developed an infection and felt quite unwell.Yesterday was results day and his small cell cancer is back.
They are getting him straight back on chemo but a stronger one than last time.
The chemo made him so ill with an infection last time he had to be hospitalised for a week so they reduced the dose.
I ..we only hope he can tolerate it and he knows he can refuse treatment at anytime.8 weeks has passed so i hope they really are on the case,love to all Paula xx

User
Posted 05 Nov 2014 at 13:40

Paula, I am so sorry to read your news - news that you must have been dreading. Hopefully dad will ride the chemo better this time round and the cancer will be knocked back again.

I will be thinking of you all x

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 05 Nov 2014 at 16:11

Thank you Lyn im just a bit concerned he is that bit older and diabetic now but hey he is quite a determined man and at least this time Mum is "well" so he can concentrate on himself xx I am still not sure about the new site ha ha :)

User
Posted 22 Nov 2014 at 19:20

update...Dad kept on at the hospital until they made an appointment to see him.they told him he will get the same chemo as last time 2 weeks before xmas.That will be 17 weeks since we learned it was back in his lynph nodes and the shadow on his bladder was found.Mum was understandably concerned and he had had painkillers to be able to sleep at night.He had an infection from the biopsy.

User
Posted 22 Nov 2014 at 20:32
Hi Paula
Not sure how I missed this but I'm so sorry to hear that dad has been unwell again. I'll be thinking of you during the next few months while your lovely, strong dad endures more chemo. He's a true hero.

Love Allison xxx
User
Posted 23 Nov 2014 at 09:17

Thank you Allison,i havent kept up with people on here as im not used to the new site! Plus i work lots of hrs now my husband has had a heart attack! i hope things are ok with your husband.
My Dad is a strong decent man.They have fostered many kids and worked hard too.I hope he can tolerate the chemo and we will all be there for him and Mum xx Paula

User
Posted 23 Nov 2014 at 22:44
Heck Paula
That's a lot going on in your life, I hope you husband is fully recovered and you are enjoying work.

This site is a bit more tricky than the old but it does work when you get used to it. We are ok, off to Onco to schedule chemo in a week's time, but feel ok about it.

Hugs
Allison xx
User
Posted 24 Nov 2014 at 01:30

Hi Paula, sorry to hear about your husband! Your mum & dad sound such special people, I really hope the chemo goes well for you all xxx

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 26 Nov 2014 at 20:35

Thank you Allison and Lynn my husband has a refferal for a colonoscopy as he has had alot of rectal bleeding we are hoping it is something exacerbated by all his blood thinners.I couldnt cope with 3 of my loved ones with cancer! I will update on Dads progress as i have never heard of anyone getting to 2 yrs before it returned (the small cell type) love to all on this site paula xx

User
Posted 28 Nov 2014 at 22:36

I have just had my 2 years all clear ( less than 0.01 ) on my PSA since my RP. Just had 6 days of rectal bleeding and am  on a 2 week referral for now for a colonoscopy at the hospital. Hopefully its just polyps. Did a bit of reading online and apparently several studies exist that say prostate cancer patients are at risk of colon problems and should have regular screening via colonoscopy. In USA they do it every three years. Here in the UK we don't, apart from men over 60 who are screened for bowel cancer.

Living life to the full, there is always someone worse of than yourself. Smile and get on with it.
User
Posted 11 Dec 2014 at 21:42

18 weeks on and still no chemo!! first they thought Dad had had it,Mum got upset and the saw the consultant.weds was chemo day.Dad had the pre meds and anti sickness then they queried the chemo dose.The main guy is abroad so Dad drove back home really fed up.
Mum went with him to see the onco nurse today where a letter was put together of complaint.Dad usually is quiet laid back so its upsetting to hear him upset.H also couldnt have it as its a 3 day thing so has to start before weds latest.
On the plus side the husbands colonoscopy was clear with biopsies taken.

User
Posted 24 Dec 2014 at 14:07

Merry christmas to you all,Dads not been too well with pain from biospy site keeping him up at night.Chemo on 7th jan,22 weeks since his cancer came back.I hope 2015 goes easy on all of you and your loved ones,Paula xxx

User
Posted 24 Dec 2014 at 16:56

Hi Paul'a hope your dad gets some pain free nights good luck with chemo in January . Andy

User
Posted 29 Dec 2014 at 02:46

Paula, just to say I am thinking of you and your dad as we see the New Year rolling towards us x

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 01 Jan 2015 at 17:38

aww thank you both.Dad has been quite ill with a flu bug and hardly eaten all christmas.He has chemo on 7th jan in theory but he did say he may not go ahead with anymore treatment.To be honest i dont blame him.He has done remarkably well with this small cell type and enjoyed his 2 yrs since he was first diagnosed but all the mess ups this time are taking their toll.He is such a strong man,never one to make a fuss but i think he has lost his energy to fight on.I will respect him whatever he decides obviously x Paula..Happy new year to all on Prostate cancer uk x

User
Posted 01 Jan 2015 at 22:46

Yes, my father-in-law made a decision to stop eating and pretty much controlled his own end. Hard for us but I have nothing but love and respect for a man who maintained his dignity right to the last.

Don't forget to take good care of yourself while you are being strong for everyone else x

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 01 Jan 2015 at 22:55

Paula

These are the most difficult times. As we look forward to our later years, we all hope for the best quality of life, but do not want to be a burden for our offspring. Respect your father's wishes, and give him all the love and support you can.

Thinking of you through what will be a rough period, but also remember all the good times you shared. Look after yourself and the rest of your family. I hope they will also look after you.

Paul

Stay Calm And Carry On.
User
Posted 11 Jan 2015 at 16:41

Dad had chemo 3 days this week,cisplatin and etopitode.He had a reduced dose as his kidneys are not working so well.Mum saw her onco all good back in 4 months.No side effects for Dad yet except tiredness which is good as the pain was losing him sleep now he just drops off.Next chemo on 28th jan but he sees consultant this week.xx

User
Posted 19 Jan 2015 at 14:29
Hi Paula,
We wrote to each other back in 2012/13 until my father lost his battle with small cell prostate cancer. I decided to stop by on this forum and hoped to find all was well with your parents. I'm pleased to read your Mum is doing so well, but sad to hear of your Dads recurrence :( How is he doing? How are you doing? If there is anything you need from me or if you have any questions please do not hesitate to ask xxxxxx
User
Posted 28 Jan 2015 at 20:35

Oh wow..i was only thinking how I could contact you since the site changed! s35.Dad has had 3 chemos which made him wiped out.This weeks 3 have been cancelled due to low white blood cells although he looks great :). sadly Dad had to wait 25 weeks for chemo to start.The cancer has come back in lymph node and spread to his bladder.This is causing constant peeing and some pain.He has mentioned stopping treatment and he has had 30months since diagnosis.Amazing really.Your father was the only person I found online who got as far as he did.Dad gets scanned in feb to decide if chemo is worthwhile.
I hope you and your family are well and coming to terms with things without your Dad,(I absolutely dread that bit obviously) xxxx

User
Posted 05 Feb 2015 at 07:40

Dads getting 3 more chemos this week then he gets scanned.Hopefully he doesnt suffer too much this time.The dose is reduced due to kidneys not functioning to well.Love to all on this site.

User
Posted 05 Feb 2015 at 08:08

Phi Paula, your dad has done so well, I hope his story gives hope to others diagnosed with small cell. Fingers crossed that he tolerates this round of chemo well xxx

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 06 Feb 2015 at 08:45

I agree Lyn he has had 2 yrs 7 months so far which is alot more than i ever read about(although the internet is not always a good idea).I feel we have been very lucky with Mum too.This is her 8 th yr since she was diagnosed as stage 4 cancerxxx

User
Posted 25 Feb 2015 at 20:48

chemo cancelled again next week now plus injection and 3 scans at different hospitals.Otherwise all good except for his bad moods which are understandable.Mum and Dad celebrated 49 yrs married.

User
Posted 25 Feb 2015 at 22:50

Let's hope they make 50, get the telegram, and are able to celebrate it in style!

Stay Calm And Carry On.
User
Posted 25 Feb 2015 at 23:20

Congratulations to your Mum and Dad Paula, not only for all they have been through and for what you have been through . I know it has been tough but 49 years together , Wow A HUGE CONGRATULATIONS to you all . X


BFN


JULIE X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 26 Feb 2015 at 00:48

Paula, I was just sitting here imagining what an achievement it is to share your life with someone for 50 years - I will be 68 when we have our golden wedding but i think that someone will have to give me a medal for putting up with him that long - he of course says that only a saint could put up with me. Your mum and dad seem so strong in each other's care - a gift that not everyone is blessed with. I guess he is allowed to be grumpy when the treatment plan is being messed up and causing uncertainty.
My love to you all x

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 26 Feb 2015 at 00:57
Paula
you are a fabulous daughter and I promise you they are very precious to have. Your Dad does well to be just a little grumpy as Lyn says.
49 years together is such a rare thing these days as others have said a truly WOW achievement.
XX
Mo
User
Posted 26 Feb 2015 at 16:59

oh thank you all.Dads parents made 52 yrs wed too :) The fact they are both still here after one yr prognosis each is amazing.dad has been struggling lately but this is the 4th chemo between them and it does takes its toll.dad is at his friends funeral fri another lovely man lost to prostate cancer.
Lets hope they make 50 yrs wed then they can have all the fostered and adopted kids around them and their 3 and 13 grandkids. love to all on this site Heres hoping Dads 3 scans are ok :)

User
Posted 12 Mar 2015 at 23:39

Dad saw onco and didnt get bone scan result from mon or ct scan from last week.I was worried as he had shoulder pain last week has anyone ever heard of delays in scan results? Anyway he seems well according to Mum and he will see the doc again in April.i did wonder if he was told something and wants to take it on board before telling anyone.Bit confused as this was the half way scan for chemo.

User
Posted 14 Mar 2015 at 16:03
Paula

the results of both scans are usually up on the hospital system within a few days unless the people that check them are backed up. Oncologists do sometimes forget to mention them so sometimes you have to prompt them. Your Dad may just have been a bit relieved they were not mentioned.
If he is happy for you to chase it up then maybe you could call the oncologist with your Dad.
If they are happily continuing with the chemo I would not worry too much until your Dad gets his next meeting in April.
xx
Mo
User
Posted 20 Mar 2015 at 00:03

Thanks Mo Dad did ask so did Mum or as the chemo nurse calls her "the boss" they said they werent even on the system The images one week after the ct was done.Mum was cross as you get hyped up for good or bad news.Anyway Dad seemed happy enough this week so that is the main thing,life cant only be chemo or scan results can it.im so busy doing double shifts i guess i will hear soon enough and i hope it is good news :) Take care Paula xx

User
Posted 24 Mar 2015 at 22:55

Dads been admitted to hospital passing alot of blood in his urine.He had a call chemo is cancelled due to low white blood cells so is in isolation to prevent infection.He is on antibiotic drip.Mum sees the onco weds with him to chase up ct and bone scan results everything crossed for him (them) xx

User
Posted 24 Mar 2015 at 23:00

Prayers and best wishes to you all.


Chris.

User
Posted 24 Mar 2015 at 23:08
Paula
just to let you know that I am thinking of you all, your Dad is in the best possible place right now he needs medical care on hand to help him through this.

xx
Mo
User
Posted 25 Mar 2015 at 00:32

Cookiegirl, I hope dad is more comfortable soon x

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 25 Mar 2015 at 07:38

Thank you all.Off to take Mum to the hospital and she will be demanding answers ha ha.They call her the boss but as she has had alot of chemo herself she knows the score.Dad has been so good the last 2 weeks going to Rugby and decoarating the house to make it more sellable when he is no longer here.(it is immaculate already).
Bless him i hate seeing him vunerable as he is such a strong get on with it type of man. xxx update later

User
Posted 25 Mar 2015 at 09:11

Just to let you know that I am thinking of Mum and Dad for you Paula , I hope that they can get Dad stabalised and back home soon.


BFN


Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 25 Mar 2015 at 10:47

many thanks Trevor/Julie he has had 3 bags of antibiotics and is in isolation slept well Mum was told the cancer is causing the bleed eventhough he has had 3 chemos so far on a reduced dose as last time he developed an infection.We should get bone scan and ct scan results from 3 weeks ago !! Off to hosp now Paula xxx

User
Posted 25 Mar 2015 at 18:31

seen Dad he is in good spirits and several bags of antibiotics later feels good.He has to stay another night.Mum mentioned spots on bone scan and he said he maybe getting radiotherapy at a different hospital.He saw an onco who reassurred him and i think he sees his consultant thursday.Love to all on here on journeys of your own and thank you for all the support Paula xx

User
Posted 25 Mar 2015 at 21:00
Good news thanks Paula

hope your Dad is home tomorrow as planned
xx
Mo
 
Forum Jump  
©2019 Prostate Cancer UK