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Dads small cell cancer

User
Posted 25 Mar 2015 at 22:19
Your dad is quite a man Paula, there's me reading this backwards and finding him decorating a couple of weeks ago!

With that spirit in him he should be home soonest and hopefully feeling a lot better. Hugs to you and mum.

Love Allison xxx

User
Posted 26 Mar 2015 at 18:45

Dads home several bags of antibiotics later.The chemo isnt working sadly so some radiotherapy is being lined up to target certain areas He was in good spirits all things considered.Yes Allison he was moving the grankids wendy house when the bleeding started he forgets he isnt 40 something and has cancer lol xx

User
Posted 26 Mar 2015 at 21:27

Paula , I am glad that Dad is home but sad to read that Chemo is not working, he sounds like a real trouper moving the Wendy House with all of his problems it just shows the strength of character that he has.

Thinking of you. X

BFN

Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 10 Apr 2015 at 12:29

Update Dad has seemed more like his old self.He was told thur the cancer has spread and is in his bones too which i suspected,Radiotherapy at another hospital is being arranged for a weeks course,We are taking things as they come and mum shows amazing positivity although this must be terribly hard for them both xx

User
Posted 10 Apr 2015 at 13:37
Paula

your Dad has been putting up a terrific fight against small cell PCa, he is one tough Man. I am sure the love, support and help he gets from you and your Mum, friends and family is a big help.

I hope the next treatment provides more relief

Best wishes

xx

Mo

User
Posted 10 Apr 2015 at 17:28
Hi Paula

good to read your update Mum and Dad are being so positive no matter what is being thrown at them hope the RTH helps with the spread to the bones..

You are a great help to your Dad no need to tell you that Carolann was always there for Eric with their wicked sence of humour he hated the looking for symphathy route.

Sending you best wishes to you and family

Carol

User
Posted 10 Apr 2015 at 22:20

I have been thinking of you Paula , it is good to hear that your Dad is more like his old self and that both Mum and Dad are being positive. I hope the RT gives relief . As Mo says you are such a supportive daughter and I suspect that both your Mum and Dad know just how special you are.

BFN

Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 11 Apr 2015 at 08:13

Im sure they find me a bit of a pain to be honest as i would love to wrap them in cotton wool ha ha.Seeing them both going through the chemo and ops has been hard.I would do anything to take their pain away.
I agree carol we used to push each other around in mums wheel chair when she had one in her sitting room.Mum laughed so much when her stitches were taken out from major abdo surgery her wound undid like a zip !! so she was rushed off in an ambulance and we were told not to worry.
thanks everyone and i hope they win something on the Grand national and you guys too xxx

User
Posted 18 Apr 2015 at 18:15

sad times this week .Dad called to say the cancer has spread and radiotherapy is palliative.
He has spoken to all his adult children and may have to stop driving,The cancer is in his ribs and spine too.I had pretty much guessed this would be the news but its still heartbreaking.He told one sibling he has felt like he was dying for a while now and it is a relief almost to hear it has.
I/ we will do all we can for him and he will get asigned to the hospice at home nurses again.
i know he has had longer than many with this blooming aggressive type and cannot imagine him not dashing around and driving everywhere xx Counting my blessings he has had some cancer freetime.

User
Posted 18 Apr 2015 at 18:38
Paula

My heart goes out to you and your family it is so sad when the disease progresses beyond the treatable.

Your Dad is a brave man and he will deal with all that comes with terrific dignity. The hospice team will help all of you as well.

If there is anything you want to ask or talk about please ask away I will do my very best to answer you honestly and with empathy.

You have and continue to be a wonderful and supportive daughter

Bless you for that.

Xx

Mo

User
Posted 18 Apr 2015 at 18:55

I was so sorry to hear your latest news Cookiegirl.

I hope you all find some comfort in the help he receives from the home care team.

He has lived his life as he wanted to, doing more in his "extra" time than many would have achieved.

God bless you all
Best Wishes
Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 18 Apr 2015 at 19:11

Hi Paula,

Just to say I am also thinking of you. You have been a wonderful support to your Dad, keep us updated, remember, we are all here for you,

 

Fiona. x

User
Posted 18 Apr 2015 at 20:58
Hi Paula

I'm so sorry to hear this latest news. You dad must be some heck of a guy, he has really done so well given the type of cancer he has. I salute him and you, what a daughter you are, so supportive and loving, I know he will have appreciated everything you have done, I guess I can only say to try your best to enjoy your time together, go out, have laughs and meals and reminiss about good family times. It's what we did with my dad and what my girls do with their own dad, and maybe what we should all do, illness or no illness.

We will be thinking of you Paula.

Lots of love

Allison xxx

User
Posted 18 Apr 2015 at 21:15

Hi Paula,

I just also wanted to say how sorry I am to hear this news, you have been so strong and supportive to both your Mum and Dad all the way through the worst . I know that you will some  how find the strength for this next chapter. One thing I would say is although your Dad has the small cell type and yes it is very aggressive  Trevor also has spine and ribs affected and we are know  2years down the road from DX , so sometimes there is more time than we first imagine. 

Thinking of you,

BFN

Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 18 Apr 2015 at 21:43

thank you all so much,Dad said he didnt ask for a prognosis then told my sister he wouldnt see the end of this yr,She is younger and adopted and cant accept he wont be here.I understand that he wont but as such a strong get on with it person i find it surreal to think of him not being around,
He has done so much for us as a family and Mum with her cancer battles the least we can do is whatever they need in the coming weeks,Dad told me he feels exhausted and has lost his appettite.He also told me he feels lucky compared to the younger people in the chemo unit at least he has no one to worry about.He knows we will look after Mum.
I am sorry to hear this Julie about Trevor and i know Mum has had almost 8 yrs on a year to live prognosis..my sis hopes this will be our Dad..love to all on this journey xxx

User
Posted 18 Apr 2015 at 22:03
Hi Paula

sorry to hear your latest news my heart goes out to you and Mum and. Dad.

You have been there for your parents they sound lovely people.

I know how hard this time is for you when you are so close our daughter was the best tonic for her Dad she never treated him any diffrent they both had a wicked sence of humour.

Send Mun and Dad my best wishes I am sure your strengh and love will help you through this as a family.

Will be thinking of you all

Carol x

User
Posted 19 Apr 2015 at 09:56

It is so sad when you reach this stage with a loved one. Make sure you look after yourself as you will need all your strength in the coming weeks. Thoughts with you, your family and your dad.

Paul

Stay Calm And Carry On.
User
Posted 19 Apr 2015 at 11:29
Hi Paula,

So sorry to hear your latest news. Thinking of you all at this difficult time.

Steve x

User
Posted 19 Apr 2015 at 14:07

Hello cookiegirl, I have read your posts especially your last ones with sadness for you and your family. I hope what time you all have together is precious for you all and comfortable for your dad. I remember when my mum was dying many years ago she said she would be alright as long as I was alright . It was hard to stay strong for her but I tried as best I could. It seems you are a kind and devoted daughter and your dad will be tenderly cared for. Georgina

User
Posted 19 Apr 2015 at 18:25

thank you all so much that nearly made me cry just in from a busy day at work and its quite hard to keep my feelings in all day when everyone is worrying about trivia (they are all early 20 s).
To be honest we ve had several more "last xmas or last birthdays" with Mum and now with Dad but this has still hit us quite hard i think the fact is we are never prepared to lose our parents and definately not to see them ill or defeated.
Dads Mum was an active 93 yr old.I just hope the next bit isnt too awful but we will all pull together as there are 5 of us and 13 grandkids thats what happens when you foster and adopt babies lol they have helped alot of youngsters that can be their legacy xx
sorry about your Mum georgina i always see them when im positive with cake or flowers bet they think im hard as nails :)

User
Posted 19 Apr 2015 at 20:46
Hi Paula

I am so sorry to hear of the news about your dad.

From reading your posts it is obvious that you are a wonderful daughter to your dad. He must be so proud of you.

I also have a daughter so I know from experience the special bond that develops between daughters and dads.

Thinking of you at this difficult time.

User
Posted 19 Apr 2015 at 23:32

Paula, sad news that you have been half-expecting and I imagine this will have hit your mum hard ... after all the years she has battled, she probably never considered that she could ever be having to face the prospect of being without her soul mate.

It may be that although a decision has been made that further treatment is not in dad's best interests, he is strong and will be able to have months with you still - maybe the summer warmth will lift him. I know that my father-in-law reached a stage when he got tired and made a decision to let go - but he had some jobs to do first and spent the summer creating happy memories for his family. Sometimes the strength of a soul and spirit cannot be explained by science - look at Old Al's old threads for hope xxx

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 20 Apr 2015 at 06:33

yes Lyn we said the same about mum,A strange turn of events where she has luckily had longer than expected now this.She seems to be acting normally...calmly all dressed up looking lovely whenever i see her so ive no idea how she really feels.I hope Dad gets a few more sunny months and i know small cell is a nasty disease but Dad has given it a run for its money so far.Dad sleeps quite a bit its like someone just took his batteries out and he is no longer in duracell bunny mode going here there and everywhere.
Mum must be worried what will happen when her cancer returns as Dad took her to all appointments and made picnic hampers for her when she was admitted,,baked ham fresh bread and fruit he really looks after her.
Dads remaining hope is to spend time at home in their lovely garden photographing the birds as he is a keen photographer xxx

User
Posted 15 May 2015 at 17:29

Dad has had good and bad days.Bad was reaction to radiotherapy bad tum and tiredness and alcohol makes him feel awful now.good in that he has gone out a bit to events and seems in good spirits in himself.Mum got the ok at her oncologist check so that is a relief and they have met with the hospice at home nurses so when they are needed they have already gone through some things.To look at him you wouldnt know how bad he was and his pain is controlled by paracetamol i believe.
He told one family member he asked for a prognosis and was told 1 yr that was about march.i thought small cell was more aggressive so i hope he does get that long.
I did wonder has anyone ever been signed off work as their relative got worse?Mostly work takes the worry away i think but there must be a point when time spent with them is more precious than forcing yourself into work and some peoples comments are unbelievable and callous.
Love to all on here and your loved ones hope you get to enjoy some summer sun xxx

User
Posted 16 May 2015 at 10:32

Cookiegirl

Everyone has their own way of dealing with issues. The most important here regarding work is your own mental health, to which much more emphasis needs to be given Whether you work more or not is down to what your employer decides as much as you, but a mentally overstressed empolyee is not much good in the work place. Talk now about the situation with your manager(s), so that you have a mutual understanding of your positions.

Paul

Stay Calm And Carry On.
User
Posted 16 May 2015 at 13:52
Cookie girl

There is no standard leave allowance for this type of situation, but please see the Macmillan link below:

http://www.macmillan.org.uk/information-and-support/organising/work-and-cancer/if-youre-a-carer/your-rights-as-a-carer.html

I recently attended a staff management course and was advised as long as we followed the "must" regulations the "should or could" recommendations were open to interpretation by individual line managers i.e. home working, hours adjusting or flexible working if possible.

Sixfoottwo is right, you need to have a discussion early on with your manager by doing this ahead of time you may be able to bank some days to use at a later date. If you don't get the answer that you would like to hear perhaps you could contact a union rep for advice?

My GP did sign me off for 4 weeks with "domestic stress" when my husband had a heart attack but you may need to watch your employer's sick leave policy. My organisation has an 8 day trigger which requires a formal interview with the line manager, again it is down to the line manager to either "support" the absence or to use it to count towards future disciplinary proceedings (excessive sick absence). Unfortunately now even if you have a medical certificate, if your line manager can cite a business case for needing someone to do your job, you could possibly find your sick absence working against you. I would advise not mentioning to your manager (speaking as one) that you are considering going down the signed off route as you would then be "planning" to be absent in advance of the event.

Maureen

Edited by member 16 May 2015 at 15:09  | Reason: Not specified

"You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think." A A Milne
User
Posted 16 May 2015 at 15:29

Hi Paula,

That is some good advice from Maureen on the work situation I know how hard it is to have to put on a brave face at work when all you really want to do is be at home with those you love. Some employers are very understanding and helpful and some are not I am afraid I hope that yours are the former.

Good news on your Mum, thinking of you.

BFN

Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 16 May 2015 at 16:24

Thanks for the replies.I did mention Dads situation in feb and was told to be more positive!! Then he got worse as we all know and one day i was 2 hrs late for shift..i had informed work and was asked if i needed anything.I said reducing back to my contract 19 hrs.since then i get 36 usually last week 43 due to staff illness.To be honest sometimes the physical nature of work takes my mind off home i m trying to strike a balance of not getting too overwhelmed by Dad my teens and husband who is recovered from a heart attack but still gets depressed/anger issues.
One colleague hs said your parents are old and will die anyway deal with it(which i do).I have an excellent track record for work only 2 !/2 weeks off in a decade.I will try to keep on keeping on until such time as it is too difficult and hope that it is no time soon
Love to all and thanks for the advice xxxx

User
Posted 16 May 2015 at 16:52
I'm sorry to hear that your employer is no where near as supportive as they could be but unfortunately unless they break an employment law there is nothing you can do.

At my management course I was told the official line for dealing with someone who came to me and said they had a terminal illness would be to advise them that they may be dismissed due to excessive sick leave!!! 3/4 of the course were horrified and we said that we would arrange something to keep the person employed on full pay (we also have a death in service lump sum payment), unfortunately the other 1/4 said they would adhere to the dismissal process to ensure business continuity. - that made for a very strained afternoon indeed!

Would it be worth you approaching your HR department directly to clarify company policy?

Maureen

"You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think." A A Milne
User
Posted 24 May 2015 at 13:20

dad has been doing ok going out a few times now he has spent a whole day vomiting and in great pain from his hips.We know as a family hospital isnt a great place to be over banks hols as mum was barely seen when admitted before as many staff are off!!dad has a hospice nurse who can hopefully help out with these symptoms.

I am very cross with my husband who went on a drinking binge while i was working all day now ive phoned in work as ive had no sleep what with him and poor Dad (no way his fault).The kids are keeping my spirits up while we wait to see if dad needs admitting to hospital.

He had a scan this week results in 10 days. Love to all on this awful rollercoaster and on a positive note dad has had alot longer than expected so for that i am eternally grateful for advances in chemo and treatments available x

User
Posted 24 May 2015 at 14:31
Paula

Thinking of you hope you are ok

Xx

Mo

User
Posted 24 May 2015 at 15:03
Paula

Sorry to hear that your dad has been poorly.

Maureen x

"You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think." A A Milne
User
Posted 24 May 2015 at 17:16
Paula

Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you.

Love Allison xxx

User
Posted 24 May 2015 at 21:51

Sorry Paula that Dad has been very poorly. I hope he can get sorted out soon.

All the best Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 24 May 2015 at 22:03

Paula, you are all in my thoughts. Not sure what to say about the drinking except to tell him that tomorrow he needs to watch the kids while you have a binge of your own :-) I don't drink alcohol but chocolate might have the desired effect ....

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 25 May 2015 at 10:38

wow didnt expect so many replies as i was working late last night
.Dad hasnt been eating for a few days and the pain is in his spine and leg not sure if the sickness has stopped.the hospital said he had high temp and gave him painkillers and antibiotics he seems to have gone downhill fast it was only 2 weeks ago he was in his rugby blazer out for the day.
thank you all so much for sending support and im sure some retail therapy will be on the cards for me Lyn as i dont drink much either....i am so grateful Mum is well at this time and my daughter has an interview for college :) xx

User
Posted 25 May 2015 at 10:58

Thinking of you. Hope Dad can be made as comfortable and pain free as possible. You are doing a wonderful job,

 

Regards, Fiona xx

User
Posted 25 May 2015 at 11:58

thank you ,you are all so kind xx :)

User
Posted 27 May 2015 at 20:21

Dads new antibiotics have started to work on his urine infection he did have blood and protien in his urine upon 2nd doc call out.He managed some food and i took a cake to share with Mum.She was joking about get him a wheelchair like she had a few yrs ago just to get out and about.
Scan results next tue to find out if there is any change to the amount of spread.Guess there must be without chemo for 2 months. All good for now though and hospice nurse and gps have been fantastic contact them each day
Taking each week as it comes
Paula xx

User
Posted 27 May 2015 at 21:18

Hi Paula,

Really glad that antibiotics are taking affect, your last sentence about taking each week as it comes is so true. It is good that the GP  and hospice nurse are on call and helping. Thinking of you often.

BFN

Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON
User
Posted 02 Jun 2015 at 18:14

Dad got his scan results today and had blood tests.As expected the cancer has spread more and tumours are larger.He may need an op on his kidney as its not working so well i think its blocked.He may still have chemo tablets although he has 2 weeks to consider this.Some of the pain last week was the cancer in his bones but his infection has cleared up.He sounds tired.
The blood test will reveal any distant spread as Mum didnt say if its in his liver,love to all on here and thank you for the amazing support Paula xxx

User
Posted 02 Jun 2015 at 18:32

Sorry to hear your latest news Paula.
I hope his pain gets easier to bear.
All the best
Sandra

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails
User
Posted 03 Jun 2015 at 11:03
Paula

you and your family have been in my thoughts, hoping your Dad's UTI has cleared up a lot with the antibiotics and that his pain is managed.

You are doing everything you can and in my view everything you are doing is just right.

I am pleased that you are getting good support from the Hospice and everyone else you need.

best wishes

xx

Mo

User
Posted 03 Jun 2015 at 11:41

Thanks Mo.Dad was selling the grandkids sandpit and sit in car etc this sunday for charity putting it on the grass think the money is for prostate cancer or maybe macmillan.
He sounded tired and breathless on the phone but has still found time to take photos for a local special needs school bless him.
I was upset this weekend i found out any 3 absences sickness parental leave or compassionate leave need a managers meeting ! i ve had 1 day last week not surprising with dad ill all sat night.I am worried sick they will try to make me lose my job or have a word as previously i had 2 weeks last yr and no days off for 8years besides ive doubled my hrs mostly for 6 months to help them out its all the stress i dont need really,i love working.
Anyway i am not letting them spoil my days off with mum or Dad and if has all the help he can get then that is the best we can ask for on this journey no one wants to be on xxx

User
Posted 03 Jun 2015 at 13:30
Paula

My organisation has automatically triggered interviews after 9 days off in a rolling 12 month period but although I am obliged to speak to personnel it is usually a "is there anything we can do to help you with" talk, obviously there are those who take the p so it's an opportunity to mark their card for them!

Unfortunately most HR policies appear rigid but there is often line manager discretion available, personally I probably "support" 90% of the cases I have to deal with, a verbal warning usually works for the other 10%!

If you have a union rep you should speak to them, if you are called into a meeting they may be able to attend with you.

Try not to worry about the job too much, I know easier said than done, you have enough going on.

Anyway, if I had a team member who was putting in extra hours to help out I'd want to hold to them!!

All the best

Maureen x

Edited by member 03 Jun 2015 at 13:31  | Reason: Not specified

"You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think." A A Milne
User
Posted 03 Jun 2015 at 15:06
Paula

Have you tried avoiding the situation by talking with your HR first. Often going to them shows you are concerned about absence and the knock on effect that can have. They may be able to work with you to give you a more flexible arrangement temporarily.

Lyn Eyre may pop up with some advice to add to Maureen's on this one too I hope.

Xx

Mo

User
Posted 03 Jun 2015 at 21:59

we dont have HR as such i will just have to do my best in the circumstances by Dad and work.I usually put work first i must admit,Mum said Dad has planned his funeral so she/we dont have the worry and we sat in the garden for a while so today was a good day :) xx

User
Posted 04 Jun 2015 at 01:22

Hi Paula,
I think it depends on the circumstances in which you are doing these additional hours. If they are simply being processed as overtime, you are going to come to a time soon where you might need to stop the overtime to be with your dad and the employer cannot take action against you if you are fulfilling your contracted hours. On the other hand, if they have given you a temporary contract for the additional hours then you may be obliged to fulfil ... unless there was an opt-out or review built in.

As far as the meetings go, it is quite common for employers have an attendance management policy which includes a manager review meeting at the third absence, regardless of whether those absences are one day or 3 months each. I imagine the policy then says that there are three stages to the attendance process, stage 1 being dealt with by the line manager, stage 2 & 3 being more serious and therefore dealt with by senior managers. Usually stage 2 involves a referral to occupational health or requesting a report from the GP.

They can only dismiss you if they can prove gross misconduct e.g. you worked for someone else while on sick leave. They can discipline you (such as a written warning or final written warning) if you have done something wrong which does not amount to gross misconduct, for example being off sick for more than 5 days and failing to produce a sick note. Many people supporting a relative at the final stages of their life get a sick note from the GP for stress, which protects them from disciplinary action. If you are concerned you can look up your rights in the ACAS handbook here http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=2179 You could also phone ACAS on 0300 123 1100 for free advice

It is great to have a job that you love, but don't put yourself in a position that you might regret later - your dad will not be around for ever and it is a heavy heart that looks back and says "I wish I had had more time"

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 04 Jun 2015 at 08:22

Thank you Lyne i did ring ACAS.I work 19hrs a week from when the kids were small however i ve been more than doubling them for months.I was upset to have so little hrs this week however with Dads deterioating health i must agree with you that i dont want to wish i had dropped back hrs when he has gone.Eventhough i cant see him too much as he doesnt want to be smothered so from that point of view work is handy at keeping me occupied :).
He hasasked my brother to help with final bits on the house and myself and son are taking plants out of part of the garden so Mum can just get someone to cut the grass when dad can no longr do it or when he isnt here,
I am not sure if he is having the stent in his kidney,,he has 2 weeks to decide,
I had heard of people being signed off when a loved one is nearer the end however i didnt want to use this unless i really have to and will see how i go,I dont want it to count against me either especially as the team are half my age and would see it as possibly not coping. Thanks so much for the work related advice it is hard to know where you stand sometimes xxx Paula

User
Posted 12 Jun 2015 at 20:01

Update dad got discharged from both of his consultants at different hospitals as they agreed he was having no more procedures as his cancer is aggressive.He has has a good week and with the house done i think he and mum were pleased with the help and it is peace of mind that Mum has less to do when Dad isnt here.
I hope everyone is having as good a week as possible.The only thing spoiling the next week is having to now work 10 am -11 fathers day as we are short staffed but im sure i can see dad on saturday and have a real tear jerker of a card :) xx

 
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