I think it must be pretty uncompasssionate place Fiona as somebody there told Paula earlier on that her parents were elderly and were going to die anyway so deal with it!!
Thinking of you Paula and all your family. Enjoy the time you have left as much as you can under the circumstances.
I know work is important to you in the wider scheme of things but you already have a lot on your plate what with your mum and your husband.
If you aren't careful you might not have to ask for time off for your dad, you'll have run yourself into the ground anyway and will need that time.
Best Wishes
Sandra
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
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thank you yes lots of people have quit due to the big workload and harsh management and complaints have been lodged.They know my circumstances but no one asks after my lovely dad and i have kept them informed.they kept texting last weekend when they were short but we were helping dad get his last heavy jobs completed.I guess no one knows how hard the cancer journey is until they ve watched loved ones go through it.
Dont get me wrong work can be a welcome distraction but getting home at midnight is tiring when im 48 ha ha.The comments have been dreadful tbh.you always get the rude one or two the others are polite enough but young so no idea how im feeling
love to all Paula xxx
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I can only echo what others have said Paula (lovelly pic by the way ) work will allways be there and I understand that we sometimes need to find a balance between our family and earning, some of us have to carry on working to earn a living whiles't going through the hardest of times. I would love to stop breeding dogs and just concentrate on Trevor but I have 2 young children to support so life is a juggling act. I just dash to where I am needed most and I am sure that you are doing the same. The sad facts are somtimes we are not able to be where we want to be but that will never stop your heart being in the right place at the right time.
Thinking of you.
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON |
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I hope all the Dads on here were able to enjoy fathers day last week end.My sis actually decided to visit after a few yrs of limited contact which made Dad very happy.I had covered for someone at work during the week and stayed late on the promise i could leave first.I had dropped dads card and prezzie off but as it will be his last i thought i could get away about 9ish.Unfortunately the other woman did a hissy fit and said we all had to stay until 1030 or i was emotionally blackmailing people !!! errm so i clocked up 23 hrs overtime for nothing but money,
Anyway Dad seems happy enough and bought paint to do a bedroom wall (i hope my brother is actually doing it).Mum told me he only has months left and end of life has been discussed with hospice nurse.
We are hoping to fit in a big family party but with 5 kids and 13 g kids we may not all be able to be off at the same time.I would phone in sick tbh just to be there.
Love to all and thank you again for all the hand holding on this journey with all its highs and lows Paula xxx
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Paula
Your colleague is an unpleasant person, let's hope nothing like this happens to her!
Lovely to hear your sister came to see your dad, life is too short for all of us to hold grudges.
Enjoy every minute
Love Allison xxx
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Hi Paula,
Every Fathers day in our situations are precious aren't they I am so glad that you managed to spend time with your Dad on such a special day and that your Sis was able to put aside differences and be there for your Dad. I can understand your frustration at having clocked up extra hours at work to be disappointed at the last minute but I am sure that your Dad was happy to see you at any hour. What is the saying quality time over quantity as Allison says lets hope that your Boss never has to be in your situation.
Sometimes when we are trying to cope with such a difficult situation in one part of our lives and keep all of the balls up in the air with our functioning lives it can seem almost unbearable but you are doing such a brilliant job have faith in yourself .
That big family party sounds fab can I have an invite ? I am sure Dad will love having everyone around him.
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON |
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Hi ladies i was seeing dad with my sister on the sat then she backed out.Dad was very disappointed having got dressed up so by the time i decided to go he had gone out to take photos of sunsets.so i left his card and prezzie.
On fathers day i was extemely busy and a bit fed up of having to work 13 hrs but looked forward to hopefully getting away to see him as he goes to bed early now.I was cross my boss didnt stick to the agreement and let this woman (who has phoned in ill lots and i ve covered) tell me i had to stay to the very end !!
.Some people who dont have very ill relatives havent got a clue what it is like tbh. Anyway any big things in the future i will decide myself not to work and i did still stay later than people this week as i am considerate of others and should thank my lovely Dad for that. The party will be paper plates and everyone bring food as Dad is too tired to do it all obviously.Dad hugged and kissed my sis when he saw her which made me happy.
I agree Alison life is way to short to hold grudges
Take care and i hope you are all enjoying the sun
love Paula xxx
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dads been unwell and sleeping alot i collected some antibiotics for him as he appears to have an infection again.i spoke to the hospice nurse who reassured me that this is just a blip and nothing more.It is quite hard not to fear the worst when someone who is usually so full of life is so listless.I hope everyone is loving the cooler day we are having today xxx
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Paula love, don't give up yet.
Dad is unwell obviously if he needs antibiotics and for someone in his situation coping with the current temperatures must be an added nightmare and enough to make even a healthy person listless.
The hospice nurse will be used to what happens at end of life and they are usually very good at judging these things so think positively.
As for work, what goes round, comes round. Not a naturally vindictive operson I can get very resentful of the kind of thing you are putting up with.
I had in my working life, only the helpful and kindest of colleagues who were there when I needed them so I do feel for you.
All the best, try and keep that chin up like you have all along. Dad is/will always be, proud of you
Take care
Sandra
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
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Just checking in Paula, sorry dad is not great. Great advice from Sandra on the hospice nurses, they won't lie to you and do know their stuff. Cooler weather may help dad too, can't be easy when you are feeling unwell too.
Hugs
Allison xxxx
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Paula, I just wanted to say I am thinking about you - be brave & strong.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
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Paula
No more i can add other than to let you know I am thinking of you
Best wishes
Xx
Mo
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hi paula
we are all here for you lass and thinking of you
nidge
run long and prosper
'pooh how do you spell love'
'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it' |
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Aww thank you all.I am pleased the hospice nurse thinks maybe he was referred too soon.i know UTI s are common as we get older and it is hard not to think he maybe in the last bit when he seems so down and exhausted,and as we all know aggressive cancer can spread quickly his last chemo was March.
I have applied for another job which i am sure i will get as the lack of understanding from my colleagues is dreadful only one person asked how Dad was when i was half an hr late getting his antibiotics and one of the reasons i stayed was due to Mum and Dad being ill thinking a change of job would be too much.
Such lovely people on here who understand how hard it is to watch people we love dearly deal with all the stuff a terminal cancer diagnosis throws at them.
Mum is amazing as ever which makes me wonder how she does it in the house all the time with Dad as case of having too i guess
Love and thanks to you all
Paula xxx
User
Paula, if anyone ever deserved to get a new job it is you - good luck :-)
You have probably said so in the past but have you tried waving the employment legislation at your current employer? As a carer for someone with a terminal illness, you are protected by law http://m.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1362. Okay, you may have to exaggerate a little on why you are the carer rather than your mum but maybe not?
Carers UK is a great organisation - have you thought of contacting them?
Edited by member 03 Jul 2015 at 09:00
| Reason: Not specified
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
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Thank you Lynn ive read the articles.Some people who have left reported my colleagues for their behaviour.I will remind them at our meeting too about comments.People should be more understanding ive gone in later 3 times and made up the hrs not bad bearing in mind how ill they both been the last few yrs.Better go im on a 9 am -11pm lets hope i get the job ive applied for ha ha.Mum is dads carer but she has a disabled badge due to her major op the other yr i think she cant drive now either so they do sometimes get a bit stuck good job they have 5 adult children.
Dads getting over his infection he just has little ooomph to do much bless him
love to all and many thanks xxx
User
good luck with the job interview
nidge
run long and prosper
'pooh how do you spell love'
'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it' |
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I havent heard from the other job yet which is a shame as my boss keeps rotaring me for 40 hr weeks on shft pattern and my contract is 19 due to change to 30.Also someone said something quite abusive which is all i need at the moment,
Dad has been much better and has antibiotics in case he needs them now rather than have to venture out while ill or ask anyone.His birthday is in 2 weeks though i dont think he wants a fuss not knowing how he will feel.With such a large family im sure he will get visits from us all one by one plus grandkids.
i hope you are all enjoying the sun while it is shining too Paula xxx
User
I despair, I really do.
What kind of freaks do you work with/for?
Good luck, Hope you hear soon about the new job.
PS
If you have been rostered for 40 hours shifts and your contract is currently 19 surely they are breaking the contract (unless of course, you have agreed to do it)
Even at 30 hours contract they are exceeding that by 10 hours.
What goes round , comes round. I wonder what their reactions would be in the same situation.
Two wrongs don't make a right but sometimes it is easy to wish others in your shoes.
Good luck, keep strong
Johsan
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
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thanks Johsan i am beginng to wonder where to start.I never envisaged being in such a dreadful place tbh(company changed hands).I have stated that Dad is quite unwell too so its not an oversight nor my fault a few people have left.I will have to speak up for myself as the guy who rotared me father passed away from prostate cancer a few yrs before so he knows exactly how hard my life isSomeone told me they use me as they know i will help anyone....not anymore :) Dad would love it if i could leave my present job.
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Goodness Paula this is just such a hard situation for you, I really do feel for you on the one hand having to stay employed for your family and on the other wishing that you could spend more time with your lovely Dad. I wish I could offer some magic wand to help.
Thinking of you.
BFN
Julie X
NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON |
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well apparently i mustnt emotionally blackmail people to cover as one woman offered then back tracked and i had to do it!!I could just leave be bored off my wits and live off savings but i wanted to stay employed to see me through when Dad is no longer here as i love working and my husband doesnt do overtime since his heart attack.such a hard situation tbh xx
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update..spoke to Dad who has been quite ill for a couple of days.My husband said he seemed fine sat when he popped in to see if they needed anything.Dad said he could barely stay awake and felt too exhausted to ask for help,He said he was shivery and aching and thought it was the cancer and not a bug.I
didnt get home until gone midnight but my husband said the doctor was seeing him today.I hate to hear him so frail and defeated when he was always such a fighter and so positive.I hope today they can help him in some way or reassure him and Mum as she is there 24 /7 with him,bye for now xxx
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morning cookiegirl.
its a tough time for you cannot imagine what goes off in your head, the only decisions are always the correct ones, still got my fingers crossed you can get things sorted out to suit everyone
nidge
run long and prosper
'pooh how do you spell love'
'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it' |
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Ah Trish, that's a shame.
When you have long term ongoing pain and discomfort it can be very debilitating and tiring.
I do hope the doc can sort him out and reassure him and you.
Chin up girl, keep strong.
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
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Paula
I am so sorry I have not replied sooner, there is litte I can say to help about your employer who really is taking horrendous advantage of you, especially if he has recently been through this. Not someone I think I would like. I just hope you can resolve the issues there or find a better job with a more considerate employer when the time seems right.
Your Dad will be going through a lot just now, not just physically from the cancer but also mentally. I was totally unprepared for the mental anguish Mick had built up over a period of time and had bottled up inside. Mainly because he was afraid of upsetting me or Karen by sharing all of it with either or both of us. He was always quite open about things so I thought he had always told me everything. He did find talking with the pastoral care Lady at the hospice a big help. In fact that is what enabled him to eventually talk with me about all his worries and concerns so we could figure out how they could be addressed.
It was shortly after that we had our big long chat with the Palliative care consultant (as mentioned in my thread about the elephants). Prior to all of this he was also really weary and tired, any emotional distress is tiring but when compounded by the physical strees of cancer it can be overwhelming.
Maybe your GP will suggest things that might help mentally as well as medically.
My very best wishes to you and your family
xx
Mo
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Thank you i agree he isnt the person he was and i cant blame him.The toll of treatment and endless hospital appointments then being told no more can be done and there is a limit to his time must be awful.Having always been active and doing so much for others it must be so hard not being able to physically do things.Yes i hate going on about my work but i told them about Dad yesterday then they proceed to shout at me for something trivial not what u need on a 14 hr very busy day(luckily it took my mind off dad).you wouldnt like him no one does! Dad was always the stronger one though Mum has been amazing really.
I am so sorry youve been through this with Mick i think men do protect others feelings with a stiff upper lip and all that.I hope the GP can help today take care Paula xx
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Dads on antibiotics and has a chest xray tomorrow to rule anything out on his cough xx
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Hope work has calmed down and they are being more supportive. Lets hope dad's cough is simply that,
Lots of love
Allison xxx
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Dads had a blood test too and still feels exhausted.
I managed to facebook my cousin who told his Dad so my uncle and wife popped in theirs today.I made some lovely sandwiches and tea and cake and they had a lovely catch up.They had been meaning to visit but didnt know what to say ! Dad and his brother were talking about childhood hols.Next week his sister is coming over to see him for the first time in many months as he hasnt felt up to company or fuss.lovely to see them all i only wish it wasnt in these circumstances. xxx
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That's sweet. It's good that dad is catching up with his family.
I'm sure they all take into consideration that dad may get tired but it must be lovely for him to be able to reminisce.
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
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Paula,
my heart goes out to you for what you are having to cope with, lets hope you hear soon about that new job, that should save some of the nastiness.
God Bless.
Chris.
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Thank you both and one problem has been solved the Gp signed me off with stress related headaches.Getting home 1230 pm after working with 3 people instead of 5 and having my hrs doubled while watching Dad suffer for months he insisted i spent the time with Dad.(now im worried i wont be allowed time when he goes but i will cross that bridge in the future)!.I have an excellent attendance record.
Dad told my sis it hurts the bones in his shoulders just to wear a jacket which is heartbreaking and i hope the nurses give him better pain relief though he did admit he is sick of pills and their side effects.
Dad is so lovely im sure if any of you met him you would agree i wouldnt wish his suffering this yr on anyones Dad ,partner or brother.
I hope i NEVER treat anyone with the lack of compassion ive been shown at work although i know people find cancer hard to talk about .Thank goodness for sites like these and amazing people like yourselves dispensing advice while caring or going through this yourselves. love to you all Paula xx
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"Allowed time when he goes"??????? Allowed !!
It is called compassionate leave and I'm sure must be written into your company rule book.
I'm sure when it's immediate family it is a right not a concession, I'd like to think so any way.
Thank goodness your GP sees your need.
I'm very sure that with a great supportive daughter who cares enough to say "I love my dad" your dad must be a lovely chap.
Concentrate now on the time left with your dad. Forget the morons at work
Edited by member 17 Jul 2015 at 13:22
| Reason: Not specified
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
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I don't think some people understand the word compassion. Very sad. Thank goodness you've got a supportive GP.
Paul
Stay Calm And Carry On. |
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Hi Paula,
I just wanted to send my love and best wishes at this difficult time.
I'm saddened everyday hearing about people's actions that don't seem have an ounce of compassion for others but then I realise there are far more good and kind people than those.
Steve x
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Dad has been sent to A and E for antibiotic drip and they think he peaked an infection last week when he couldnt get out of bed and was shaking and shivery.He seems to be getting them every 2 weeks now with temps of 102.He felt well enough to buy bread today so we are hopeful it maybe a good week end for him.Oncologist nurse said his immunity is still low,love to everyone xx
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He must be careful not to over do it on the basis of how much better he feels.
Hope you all have a good weekend anyway, perhaps building memories
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
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Too right Johsan my husband went to offer to cut the grass however my brother is popping over with dads grandson and doing it then.I still dont think he should drive anywhere and the subject of a wheelchair (which Mum had after chemo ) came up at least he wouldnt feel so tired and could still get out and about xx
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Would your mum be strong enough to push his chair?
I know other members could but if he is reluctant to go in a chair perhaps it could be hinted that it might be nice for your mum to also get a bit of exercise and fresh air.
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
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well this is the thing Mum had a blue badge after her operation and chemo and doesnt even walk to the shops for anything.I think Dad has fussed over her alot.Today she is gardening as Dad is too tired.I am sure she can do more than she does and she will when he isnt here.Dad even joked about her driving again.
He feels better today but still has limited energy and has to pace himself.
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Hospice nurse came and discussed Dads end of life wishes as he want to die at home (assuming mums cancer isnt back then and she can manage.He sorted out the DNR stuff and a "just incase box" of emergency meds is being dropped off Dad said for the coming months.He seems good today but admits he wont be going far from home now.Infection has gone for now so we just wait and see.One day at a time and all that love to all Paula xx
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Hi Paula,
I wish I could do something to make things easier for you.
Thinking of you all.
Steve x
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All our very best wishes and love to you all. Have been thinking of you all x
Chris and Elaine
If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade |
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Enjoy every minute you have. *** work and your "caring" colleagues.
Concentrate on what is important to you and yours.
Thinking of you
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
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hi paula
just let you u know you are doing great by your family
nidge
run long and prosper
'pooh how do you spell love'
'piglet you dont spell love -you just feel it' |
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Johsan no one has been in touch from work...why would they ive only worked there 11 yrs.!! I feel like the end of this journey is speeding up although i could be wrong and Dad has been told to call the hospice nurse and not suffer in silence.I hope he can enjoy his birthday on sat as Dad is such a family man i cant imagine how he will feel when his grandchildren give him cards etc as i dont think the little ones know how ill he is. xx
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Paula
your employers suck big time.
You will be surprised how much your Dad can withstand knowing that his little grandchildren will be there to see him at the weekend. I hope you can all make it a special day for him once again.
xx
Mo