Thank you all so much for your support. I was going through a really difficult patch and just needed to cry out.
Things are moving fast here - Tony is terribly weak, and can barely get out of a chair or out of the house now, but we are getting good support, and we both fqeel calmer now that he has accepted his disabled status rather than fighting it.
The OT from the hospice called this advise on various things that will help Tony retain some mobility around the house - grab rails, a sort of hydraulic pillow-raiser, a better walking stick (a Leki hiking stick isn't totally appropriate) etc. We are ordering a personal alarm with a buzzer, and have invested several months' Attendance Allowance in a fancy chair that tips the occupant towards a standing position, as well as offering a comfortable reclining option. This has made a huge difference to Tony's confidence and wellbeing. A visit from our daughter has also cheered us both, and the other daughter is comng next weekend.
Tony is supposed to have a blood test this week, prior to an appointment with the oncologist. I have arranged for the DN to do the blood test at home, but we don't think the hospital visit will be feasible, so we're going to ask for a telephone consultation. Further blood transfusions are also looking less viable, as Tony can barely walk, and can't get in and out of a normal chair. We don't know how long it will be possible for him to stay at home, but we just try to take each day and each stage as it comes.
Tony is sometimes a bit dopey with the morphine, so finds it difficult to read novels or watch complicated TV dramas now, but still enjoys a daily newspaper, and Match of the Day is still within his grasp. A friend is lending us a box set of "Alllo, allo!" which should provide hours of undemanding entertainment for both of us. I do try to keep up my own hobbies and interest, and will have more peace of mind about leaving the house once Tony has the panic alarm.
Since I started this conversation, we have heard Glen's sad news about Phil. I have replied to her recent post in her own thread, and I know she'll be in all our thoughts right now.