I had the same issues with telling people.
I didn't tell anyone until I'd got through what I though was all the diagnostic procedures, and I took the time waiting for results to educate myself on the disease, treatments, side effects, etc. This was both to allow me to decide what treatment path, and so that when I did tell people, I could answer any questions they asked. Also, at this stage, I was quite sure I could hold myself together, but much less sure I could cope holding anyone else together. This is different for different people - many or even most people will want the support of a friend during the diagnosis, but I didn't.
When I had the diagnosis and hence know my prognosis, I started by telling one person, and it was a much bigger relief than I imagined doing this. It also allowed me to talk about how to tell my parents, and I then did that. I'd planned to be able to answer just about any question they might ask, but in the event, they were too shell shocked to ask anything. I went over it again the next day, and brought it up quite often, so they new I was OK to talk about it, and they did start asking questions.
For me, waiting until the diagnosis was complete and I knew my prognosis was the right choice. I know this because it turned out the diagnosis wasn't complete, and I had to go for more diagnostic procedures. Then I had family on the phone instantly I came out of each consultation, and that I couldn't handle. I needed to digest and understand what I'd been told before I was ready to talk with others about it. I had to lie about when I was going to get test results so I could take time to review them and understand them before telling family. Fortunately, this was just a couple more months before diagnosis was really complete.
Then I slowly told small numbers of friends, including one who I knew also had it a year earlier. I didn't always get it right, but you learn as you go. Eventually, probably 10 close friends knew, and lots of new friends I'd made in some local support groups, and that gave me much more confidence, and I found I could usefully counsel others with the diseased because of all the learning I did at the outset. My hospital asked me to run one of their prostate cancer support sessions (and I've done another one since then too).
I'd been thinking about how I would fully come "out" about it, and decided to announce it to everyone when my radical treatments were complete, and I announced it on Facebook. I got overwhelming responses - by this point I was fully confident talking about it, and made it clear I was happy to do so, and got loads of questions, some privately.
Since then, I've brought it up in a public presentation I was doing about something else entirely as an awareness opportunity, and also got a fantastic response and answered lots of questions on it, as well as handing out the PCUK Z-cards to what was a perfect audience of almost all men between 40 and 70.
It certainly is worth thinking about how and when you tell people. You will generally get a fantastic response, which you'll find very supportive from friends and others. A few people initially struggled I think, not knowing what to say, but my joking about it cleared that up quite quickly. (There are plenty of jokes to be had about hormone therapy and symptoms.)
Telling children is a particular challenge and Macmillan do an excellent free book on that specifically. You can't hide it from children - they know instantly if you're hiding something like that, and they will assume it's something really bad, possibly something that's their fault.
Edited by member 03 Oct 2019 at 23:09
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