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My brain is currently not playing fair

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User
Posted 25 Feb 2022 at 10:24

12 months since Open RP with some nerve sparing on both sides, PSA at 8 months was 0.012

Using a pump 3 times a week and I’m taking 5mg of Tadalafil daily.

Up until very recently I have had absolutely nothing erection wise not even a rumbling. But things appear to be on the change.

Had one or 2 night time - won't call them semi's as that would be pushing it it so we will say a thirdi ! Can also manage a similar level during erotic daydreams!

However when my wife is included , absolutly nothing, if anything it appears to retreat even further and i look like like i've just got out of a freezing cold bath.

I understand its all in my head, stressing will make it worse, and at 12 months post op its still probably early days but any suggestions ?

 

Thanks

User
Posted 26 Feb 2022 at 00:36
Performance anxiety is an erection-killer. My advice would be to get your wife involved in sex without erections / penetration - for example, learning how to do a hand job with a lot of lube is a pretty useful skill as is giving a blow job to a soft penis. Over time, you may notice that the penis engorges just before orgasm and then, with a bit of love and patience, that a semi / thirdi hangs around long enough to play with.

Also, if your wife / partner is giving, don't forget to give back!

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 26 Feb 2022 at 11:13

You are not alone! My erections definitely returned first in solo mode. For me, it was like my erection needed 100% focus and that just isn't possible when a partner is involved.

My wife is highly supportive and something that worked super well for us around 8-12 months was me using the Vacurect while in bed with her. The pump would get it up, then she would stroke my erection to keep it up with the help of the ring at the base. It was a nice mix of erotic and therapeutic and we still do it quite often now at nearly 24 months.

About the way one's head and heart are involved... What happened for me was that I just felt awful starting anything sexual with her when I believed it would end in disappointment for me. My wife was so open to any outcome, and I always enjoy pleasuring her, but that didn't stop me pulling back a bit on my own sexual expression. I've written about it at https://www.recoveringman.net/day-115-awkwardness-and-love-intertwining/ and https://www.recoveringman.net/erectionless-sex/ and we took a couple of really helpful online courses that helped us reconnect. Basically both partners need to get used to you having a new and differently able body.

Now that there is at least some natural swelling down below again when I hug her - it just feels a lot better to me. I've learned to engage wholeheartedly even though I know that both erections and orgasms for me are not something I can count on. Wishing you a good recovery, and remember it can take more than two years for all the nerves, as well as heart and mind, to regenerate.

User
Posted 25 Feb 2022 at 14:40
I was able to get a semi "on my own" way before I was confident enough to present my feeble dick to a woman!

Suggest you try with the pump first, I had my first success at about 12 months that way.

If that doesn't rock your boat suggest getting a referral to the cock clinic where they can prescribe injectables. These interfere less with lovemaking and they certainly worked for me! After about 12 months using them I was finally in a relationship where I had the confidence to experiment and that's when the Durex cock ring came into its own.

7 years later I don't require chemical assistance but I will never be without my rubber ring!

User
Posted 03 Mar 2022 at 20:01

Like some others have said, trying non penetrative sex will help. 
you’ll be surprised what you can do with a non erect penis!

also pleasuring your partner may give you confidence and you’ll feel things start to happen if there’s no expectation on you

Show Most Thanked Posts
User
Posted 25 Feb 2022 at 14:40
I was able to get a semi "on my own" way before I was confident enough to present my feeble dick to a woman!

Suggest you try with the pump first, I had my first success at about 12 months that way.

If that doesn't rock your boat suggest getting a referral to the cock clinic where they can prescribe injectables. These interfere less with lovemaking and they certainly worked for me! After about 12 months using them I was finally in a relationship where I had the confidence to experiment and that's when the Durex cock ring came into its own.

7 years later I don't require chemical assistance but I will never be without my rubber ring!

User
Posted 26 Feb 2022 at 00:36
Performance anxiety is an erection-killer. My advice would be to get your wife involved in sex without erections / penetration - for example, learning how to do a hand job with a lot of lube is a pretty useful skill as is giving a blow job to a soft penis. Over time, you may notice that the penis engorges just before orgasm and then, with a bit of love and patience, that a semi / thirdi hangs around long enough to play with.

Also, if your wife / partner is giving, don't forget to give back!

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 26 Feb 2022 at 11:13

You are not alone! My erections definitely returned first in solo mode. For me, it was like my erection needed 100% focus and that just isn't possible when a partner is involved.

My wife is highly supportive and something that worked super well for us around 8-12 months was me using the Vacurect while in bed with her. The pump would get it up, then she would stroke my erection to keep it up with the help of the ring at the base. It was a nice mix of erotic and therapeutic and we still do it quite often now at nearly 24 months.

About the way one's head and heart are involved... What happened for me was that I just felt awful starting anything sexual with her when I believed it would end in disappointment for me. My wife was so open to any outcome, and I always enjoy pleasuring her, but that didn't stop me pulling back a bit on my own sexual expression. I've written about it at https://www.recoveringman.net/day-115-awkwardness-and-love-intertwining/ and https://www.recoveringman.net/erectionless-sex/ and we took a couple of really helpful online courses that helped us reconnect. Basically both partners need to get used to you having a new and differently able body.

Now that there is at least some natural swelling down below again when I hug her - it just feels a lot better to me. I've learned to engage wholeheartedly even though I know that both erections and orgasms for me are not something I can count on. Wishing you a good recovery, and remember it can take more than two years for all the nerves, as well as heart and mind, to regenerate.

User
Posted 03 Mar 2022 at 20:01

Like some others have said, trying non penetrative sex will help. 
you’ll be surprised what you can do with a non erect penis!

also pleasuring your partner may give you confidence and you’ll feel things start to happen if there’s no expectation on you

 
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