A wife and support after 8 years

I feel for you as others here will. It's been a long time since his radical treatment and I wonder whether your husband is on any medication that could at least possibly explain his attitude, such as being on Hormone treatment for example. Where is he on his cancer journey that he often refers to it? I doubt we could find answer that would change things when you who know him best and professionals from whom advice has been sought have not been able to help. We have had several partners in a somewhat situation to yourself and unfortunately PCa does affect some men and their partners like you, leading to marriage break up in some cases, Do you know what motivates your husband to go away for breaks? Being forthright here and not wishing to offend, does he feel the need to get away from you for awhile? Does he just want to spend time by himself or does he follow any sporting events for example. Sometimes a holiday or change of scene can help but it sounds like your problem is deep rooted.

You are doing what you can and have sought professional help and clearly there is no easy answer. Superficially, it seems either you accept life continuing as it is or perhaps try a trial separation if you re prepared for the prospect of a permanent break up and all that this might entail.

You don't mention whether you have grown up children and if so whether any of them have sensed or are aware of your unhappiness.. It may be the time to weigh things up but you have to think of your own health and welfare and whether you can go on like this or need to force a change.

Edited by member 31 Jan 2023 at 19:19  | Reason: spelling

Hi Barry,been married 20 years he as always run off since the start of the relationship so I'm used to that,he refuses to discuss anything,we have a lovely home,pets we adore and i think he as struggles from childhood with his mum passing when he was 13,he never had any counselling,anyone that says something he doesn't agree with and he becomes aggressive and lashes out its not just with me.He had the Bracatherapy and refused to engage with g.p any further appointments,the hospital would send appointments,he wouldn't go for psa to be done either. Try to choose my words carefully and encourage him to continue with any treatments,he did have one hormone injection but refused anything else,he tells me he is fine and nothing to worry about but i do worry although keep it to myself,we tried 2 months apart and missed him very much but sadly we are no further on,not being one for giving up easy but it's really difficult what else i can do at the moment just looking for further suggestions thankyou for your reply.

This is a very sad thread. I don't think the prostate cancer is the problem. I don't know what is.

You are welcome to post on here we are quite sympathetic and not afraid of adversity, some of us might be able to offer something from our life experience, but what you need is advice on relationships, and possibly when to end them. The forum members here have a lot of collective knowledge on cancer, but no more knowledge on relationships than anyone else in the world.

I have to say any internet forum on relationship breakdowns is not likely to be offering impartial healthy advice, there will be people with an axe to grind. Probably a counselling service like Relate might be a better place to go; almost certainly on your own at first, as it is unlikely your OH will engage.

So feel free to post if you want a sympathetic ear, but if you want to make progress with your life, get advice from an organisation that knows about relationships.

Snowflake 

your posts are full of pain and if I am honest desperation.

have you spoken to the nurses available on this forum? Or MacMillan team?

I think many many people here feel your pain but feel unable to advise helpfully. have you spoken to your own GP about how this situation is effecting you?  
maybe to help your partner you need to be in place where you can?

N

It's fine,you have all helped me so very much,im very tearful because i feel I failed him somehow,but as everyone knows especially the gentlemen this is a couples disease and you are on a journey with the person diagnosed,i feel the last 8 years as been a battle and are overcome with deep sadness that my husband just switched off he no longer on being diagnosed looked at me the same,so spent so many years trying to speak with him and encouraging him but to no avail.His reply was always everyone handles this differently and i took that on board,today he is still telling me its not over im being silly but for me im drained so just taking each day as it comes now and will leave him wherever he is at present and hope he will one day seek help.Best wishes to all and thankyou.

Thankyou for such a lovely message and yes its been really difficult,i had no idea like most of us how to deal with things at the beginning its all new to us and the journey begins,but made more difficult when the person with the prostrate cancer refuses to engage as a couple on how we go forward and rejects all help and support,there as never been a time that i thought oh forget it then,it as not been nice watching someone fall apart but at the end of the day i have feelings too and dealing with everyday life been so lonely and difficult,so decided to take a break for the first time in ages and have some me time and take myself out of this situation sadly for good with the hope he will one day seek the help he needs eventually.