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Making the most of it

Posted 12 Apr 2019 at 08:13
Thank you DM & Francij, I think you're right about acceptance, we've known for a while that this was the only path and what I so desperately wanted was for it to be a gently sloping one. It feels like in the last week we've managed to do this. N is as comfortable as can be, a syringe driver was put in yesterday with the secretion medication, kind of a signal of the beginning of the end in the hospice.

I'm just on my way back in afer a very sleepless night wondering whether I should stay or not. I'm taking my Jim jams with me today, I don't know whether I'd be more tired staying there or trying to sleep at home but listening for the phone.


Posted 12 Apr 2019 at 08:48

Thinking of you Kentish xxx

Posted 12 Apr 2019 at 08:51

Kentish, I have no words of wisdom to impart, only to say that you are an inspiration to all of us. Your journey has helped me so much to understand how my wife feels on our own personal journey and for that I am eternally grateful. You may not feel it but you are very good at putting your feelings down for us to understand. I hope it helps you to do that as much as it helps us.

I wish for you and your young family that the rest of this difficult journey is as peaceful as possible. Sorry, but the tears are coming again.

Sending all my love and hugs and hope you have a good day today with N.


Posted 12 Apr 2019 at 13:38
Thinking of you at this time. Hopefully the hospice will be able to keep him comfortable and pain free, Look after yourself.
Posted 12 Apr 2019 at 16:37

Thinking of you all Kentish.




Posted 12 Apr 2019 at 21:22

Thinking of you all and praying that you can get some rest yourselves. I hope the children have someone they can talk to as well if they want to - a really hard time for you all and I am sending prayers.

Posted 12 Apr 2019 at 21:36
Saddest story I’ve read in 4 yrs on this forum , especially with you all being so young. I can only wish you love and strength as ever x

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

Posted 12 Apr 2019 at 23:00

My thoughts are with you all too. Best Wishes. xx

Posted 13 Apr 2019 at 12:25

My thoughts are much the same as Chris J's previous post. Thinking of you all. I feel humbled by the courage and dignity you are showing. Take care.

Ann x

Posted 13 Apr 2019 at 13:29
We are thinking of you all Kentish.Best wishes Geoff
Posted 13 Apr 2019 at 16:02

Popped in today just to let you know that I’m thinking of you. I’m hoping for peace and quiet and handholding and love.

with love

Devonmaid xxxx

Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 09:29
My lovely N passed away in the early hours of this morning. I am so sad but so relieved his suffering is over.

I don't really know what to do with myself this morning....

Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 09:46
Sending love to all of you
Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 09:51
Sad sad news,no more suffering .God bless you and your family.Geoff
Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 09:54


I am so sorry to hear N has gone please accept my very sincere condolences, may he rest in peace. Remember to look after yourself in the coming days and months. Love and hugs. Thanks Chris

Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 09:55

Thinking about you all. You have been incredible throughout this journey and an inspiration to the rest of us. As you say, no more suffering for N now.

Look after each other.


Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 10:22

Oh my dear Kentish,  such sad news.  We know it wasn't unexpected, and we can be glad he is not suffering, but that doesn't stop our hearts breaking, does it.  And we know that we have grieved a lot already, but that doesn't stop the tears falling. 


You may well feel numb for a while, too.  And lost.  And we will all say 'look after yourself', which indeed you must try to do.  But really, just take it easy, hold those beautiful children close and let yourself remember all the good times.  Know too that you did absolutely everything you could to make these last months and years for N as good as they possibly could be.  You were his champion, and an outstanding one at that.  


Sending love, hugs and understanding.  I'm here if you ever need a listening ear.

Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 10:42

So sorry to read your news. You really did him proud throughout a difficult journey.


John x

Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 10:49
So sorry Kentish, you really fought this battle with him to the last.

No man could ask for more..

Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 11:15
Oh Kentish, no words :-((


If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 11:30

So sorry Kentish. Love to you and the family.



Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 11:39

I am so very sorry to read N has passed.  I'm thinking of you all and sending love and peace for you all.

RIP N xxx

Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 12:31
So sorry to read your sad news.

Thinking of you all.

Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 12:43

Oh Kentish I am so very sorry to hear this.  You have been a fantastic support to N and could not have done any more than you did.  I will be thinking of you and your children in the days and weeks to come.  Take care xxx

Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 13:13

Such sad news - love and peace to you all


Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 14:04

Kentish, so sorry to hear this news. I hope you can at least feel that you have done all you could possibly have done to make N's time as comfortable as possible.

I know that you will be there for your children as you were for N. 

Love to you all,


Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 14:04
So sorry Kentish. Love and hugs to you and the children.
Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 14:23
So sorry to hear this news sincere condolences to you and yours.


Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 14:42

So very sorry to hear your news. Love to you all. You did indeed "make the most of it" as a family when you were able. A lesson to us all. Take care of yourselves. 

Ann x

Edited by member 15 Apr 2019 at 14:51  | Reason: Not specified

Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 15:37
So sorry to hear your sad news, my thoughts are with you and your family xxx
Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 16:46
So sorry to hear your sad news. Xx
Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 17:18
Sincere condolences to you and your family ,I’ve followed your struggles and shear devotion to N .

Make sure you look after yourself .

Debby x

Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 17:40

Sending love to you and your family at this time. You have been an inspiration


Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 18:54
Dear Kentish

So sorry.

You're an absolute hero the way you battled for N is absolutely heroic.

I hope that in time you and your family just treasure the good memories that you all made together.

I wish I could say or do more.

Condolences and Best Wishes


Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 20:03
So sorry. Thinking of you and your family.


Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 20:28

So sorry to hear this. Any man reading your posts can only hope and wish they will get somewhere near the same support you gave to N. 

Thinking of you and your family

Bri xx

Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 21:01

Sorry to hear your news. May god grant him peace 

Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 21:45
You have shown immense courage throughout; wishing you a little bit more of that strength for the coming days, weeks and months Kentish xxx
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 22:33

My dear Kentish

The news both dreaded and expected, I’m so sorry. I guess I knew it would be quick once the syringe driver was added from past experience but I am so sad nonetheless. No one could have done more than you, you were a real lioness when it came to supporting your man and your lovely children. Like others here, I hope you can take some time to recover in the days, weeks and months ahead, you have been through an incredibly difficult ordeal. I know you wouldn’t have had it any other way but you must be exhausted. 

Rest in Peace lovely N, your wife and children are wonderful people who loved you above all others. 

My heart goes out to you all, please let us know how you go on, we have come to think of you as our family.

my love

Devonmaid xxxxxx

Posted 15 Apr 2019 at 22:34
I am so sorry Kentish. I am so glad you all shared that special time at home before the Hospice. N was a brave man and you could not have done any more to support him.

You will all grieve in your own ways and there are no right or wrong ways to get through it. Be very kind to yourself and something will see you through all the practical things of the next few days. Then you can start to rest and find your way. Grief is complex with a lot of surprising emotions.

You are so young, I feel so sad for your little family. Thinking of you all.

Posted 16 Apr 2019 at 07:25

So sorry to read this, my condolences to you. Your support of N has been immense and everyone here knows you could have done no more.

Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019

Posted 16 Apr 2019 at 08:36
Sorry for your loss. A terrible disease and your story of yourself and N is the saddest.

Many condolences at this terrible time. Thank you for sharing. Much much more research/ fundraising needed.

Posted 16 Apr 2019 at 22:41

Sincere condolences to you and your family. Take care. N is now at peace. 

Posted 05 Jul 2019 at 21:14
I just wanted to come back one more time to say thank you. Thank you for the support you all gave me, the advice and the virtual hugs. Thank you for the condolences you all offered. I read every one but just couldn't manage to write anything back. I have logged on a few times but have been unable to focus my mind enough to write anything.

My heart goes out to those struggling and also the families of others who are at peace now.

It has been and continues to be a struggle to cope with the lingering anxiety, any siren raises my heart rate and the fear sets in. I am taking steps to work on this and the awful merry-go-round of "what if's" that keep me awake at night. The children were not exposed to the trauma in the same way and although there are moments of deep sadness, they appear to be "just getting on with it", and I am relieved.

The Boy sketched his way through the exams, just about making it to the last one and fully expecting to have failed. He probably hasn't but it doesn't matter, his apprenticeship is not grade dependant (thank goodness). He has just returned from a week away in Majorca with his young lady and has had a wonderful time.

The Daughter organised a fundraiser through school for the Hospice and they raised nearly £5000, she's taken her end of year exams and passed everything with an acceptable grade, pretty impressive considering how much time she had off over the last 6 months.

Like I say, "just getting on with it".

I am just getting on with trying to put myself back together physically and mentally, emotionally will just run its own course.

Again, I am very grateful for the people on here who consistently offer their support, even if its only an acknowledgment that you are not alone. I sincerely wish you all the very best for the future, love and hugs to you all.xx

Posted 06 Jul 2019 at 09:32

Hi Kentish

i don’t know if you will read this but I wanted you to know that I think about you and Teacups every single day. I was hoping you would let us know how things are going for you and the children. It’s so gratifying to hear that they have done their best in the most appalling situation, their strength is simply amazing.  Your own strength became legendary here and I hope you can remember that. The trauma you have been through (and it surely was) was awful to witness even from afar, but I’m hoping that we here have been a little help, just by being a listening ear. I know that I need that now as John and I travel towards that place. 

My heartfelt best wishes go with you and my hopes that you and the children will recover, with time, from the events of this terrible time in your lives.

with love and hope for the future

Devonmaid (Allison) xxxx

Posted 06 Jul 2019 at 10:05

What an amazing fund raiser your daughter has done.

We all followed your posts and felt your pain.

You, your daughter and son did an amazing job.

I am sure everything is still very raw but hope that over time you can rebuild physically, mentally and emotionally. Thank you for checking in again.






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