Hi PP. Top man, as per usual and the advice is good. I know I am a lucky b'tard right now and it is insulting to others on here for me to start bleating on about my interpretation of how "all clear" am I etc. I get all that and I literally cannot believe the patience people on here have for me. If I had Pca at this point and was hearing someone like me banging on incessantly like an educated baby, then they would seriously have p****d me off way back; some have probably reached that conclusion, but others persist in trying to help me. I would blame no-one for thinking that this whacko has had enough of our air-time and needs to bugger off.
The cancer nurse phoned me today to tell me what I already knew from the results, although she also knew that I knew via urologist (who rang me a couple of days ago or whenever it was). I kept her on the phone longer than she had anticipated (as you can imagine), quizzing her like some maniac about what level my next PSA would need to be not to have to go through Biopsy 2 etc. & suggesting to her that I might not go through with the follow-up anyway. She was so sweet and again, here am I, having as good a result as I could have had basically at this juncture, wasting her time when she has to tell men from their first biopsy that they have Pca and then talk to them about treatment plans. I continued though, asking why any inflammation might have subsided in 3 months and that the PSA was just some vague test that everyone knows is seriously flawed. In the end, she has enough and said it was "my choice" and nobody was going to force a needle into me. So, I agreed to see the Uro in 3 months but kept the option of just talking to him and not necessarily having the PSA.
She too, like so many others talked of me needing counselling, but I cannot see a counsellor telling me anything that will reduce my pathetic anxiety and have me waltz into the 3 month follow-up with a smile on my face urging them to take as many PSAs as they bloody want. I know the score, I don't need anyone to "keep me sweet" for next 3 months.
I don't know, many will just begin to (if they haven't already) see me as insane, but I think I am able to get through these next 3 months and make a decision thereafter. Weirdly, I was better mentally for a while and believe it or not I am better now. I just don't sound like it!
I wish that this whole PSA / Biopsy thing could be more conclusive, but it ain't like that. It seems like you are never able to be told that "all clear" means "all clear". Then it's TRUS rather than TEMPLATE and therefore less accurate, RP or AS or HT, Free PSA, PIN, atypia etc. the anomalies go on and on.
Don't know if you have had the patience to read this far, but I'm not mad or deranged, honest, I'm just a big baby who cannot face up to any of this very well - that's all.
I am not being disingenuous when I say this, but I wish I could have the heart and soul of all others on here, in the meantime I'll go fetch my dummy and hop back into my pram.
Edited by moderator 04 Jan 2019 at 20:06
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