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Next Treatment Please

Posted 10 Oct 2019 at 15:38
Belated condolences Allison, John is now at rest after a momentous struggle.

You deserve great credit for your love, support and bravery, you are one in a million.

John x

Posted 13 Oct 2019 at 22:01

Hi everyone

we held John’s funeral on Tuesday, it was a humanist celebrant and was well attended by friends far and wide and was a tearful, but joyous occasion. We made it not just about his 45 years RAF service but about us as a family and a few jokes. Our daughters lit a candle and one read a poem, son in law sang House of the Rising Sun and a wonderful friend read his RAF citation. The after party was a lovely reunion, lots of chat about the olden days (!) and a good time was had by all. On Thursday we interred his ashes, so now just a headstone to arrange. I’ve spoken to the chaplain at the hospital (he phoned me) to talk about John’s care, it was really helpful for them as well as me. 

So what now? Well I’m back to work tomorrow, needs must and all that. The motability car is going back tomorrow (they don’t hang about) so I’m back on shanks pony for a bit, quite looking forward to walking more. I don’t feel able to choose a car at the moment, too big a decision to make right now. 

The family have all gone home and life keeps going, so must I. Not sure how, but one foot in front of the other, one day at a time I’m told, and it works. 

I feel surprised that I haven’t fallen apart, but I did make a promise that I wouldn’t so maybe that’s what’s doing it (or his loss hasn’t hit me yet, or nine years of grieving for our life together has already taken it’s toll). Anyway, thank you all for the kind words of comfort, I’ll still pop in from time to time and am hopeful that our journey (not the last couple of weeks) will give some hope that a Gleason 10 is not necessarily an immediate death sentence. 

Love to you all

Allison xx

Edited by member 14 Oct 2019 at 21:05  | Reason: Not specified

Posted 14 Oct 2019 at 22:22


Thank you for your post , I just want to say thank you for the support you have given over the years. It took me a long time to grieve properly when my mum passed away. Lots of love and hugs and take care of yourself.

Thanks Chris

Posted 15 Oct 2019 at 00:46
I hope that if I am ever in the situation you have been in recently, I will be as brave and dignified as you. Lots of love to you, my dear friend x
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

Posted 16 Oct 2019 at 15:32

Allison, if you’d be kind enough to let me have John surname then I can add him to this years Absent Friends list at our annual All Souls Service next month, names read out and a candle lit for all.xx

Posted 17 Oct 2019 at 00:22

What a terrible and constant ordeal you have gone through. It must have taken a lot out of you. Probably for the best that you are working for what must be a coming to terms time and relief for what John experienced. Despite all this you have also supported others on this forum as they have been impacted by this rotten disease. You are a truly wonderful person.

Posted 22 Oct 2019 at 10:43

Hi Chris

He is John Standley xxx

Posted 22 Oct 2019 at 13:02
A timely response as I was just submitting my list.



Posted 17 Nov 2019 at 20:31

My heart has been heavy reading your posts and not knowing if I should respond or what to respond, as I am fairly new to this forum.  I know I will face what you face and we already agreed Arden wants to leave this earth in the comfort of his home.  We hope we are years from that decision but with spread now to organs we are realistic.  

With emotions all over the place I have finally come to acceptance, reading your posts over the last few months has been extremely helpful to me.  While you and your husband were going through this very challenging time you were willing to journal here on this site so that others can benefit from your wisdom.  I am truly grateful. 

Our faith is strong so we focus on eternity together one day.  I wish that for you and your precious John.  Yourbravery and resolution in the face of so much pain and uncertainty is honorable.  I prayed for you today and your family that you find peace, and your thoughts gradually turn from sadness to memories filled with joy.  

God bless, 

Judy in Saint Paul

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