Today is the First Day of the Rest of my Life

User

Posted 16 Mar 2015 at 22:20

I agree with mo. There are positives everywhere look for them, find them, then we'll go sing it on the mountains .
Night night
Joy xx

User

Posted 16 Mar 2015 at 23:20

Well I have no idea what has been going on I just nipped of to the vet, paid the vethttp://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-yell.gif cooked, cleaned, cleaned, cooked and then cleaned again you have know idea how mucky puppies can be. http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-yell.gif

So lots of good advice, some very deep open posts and good news it is not a Heart ATTACK. I did pick up on a few things that Carol said earlier and I must admit that this thought had occurd to me, if every thing comes back normal on the heart issues it might be worthwhile checking that these issues are not stress related, I am saying this not only because you have been through such a lot but my friend who I mentioned earlier her tests are all coming back normal and the next step will be to test if she is having panic attacks. Sometimes when there doesn't seem to be an obvious answer it is very easy to give up and not pursue or push for a dx . Keep going Steve you could always do a Trevor and refuse to leave until you get an answer. You would have to be prepared for A Hospital food for a week and B lots of clean JIM JAMS.http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-yell.gif

As for talking with your wife, not everybody has the perfect partnership , and not every partnership is perfect. My friends fill the gap and can relate far better than Trevor in a lot of hard times, in fact he is pretty useless at any deep meaningful, emotional conversation so I have a back up of girl friends . I suppose what I am trying to say is if the forum is your back up then that is just as good , recognising the weakness in our partners is just as important as seeing there strength's .

I would PM you but I have heard through the grape vine that your IN BOX is full http://community.prostatecanceruk.org/editors/tiny_mce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-yell.gif

Stay strong.

BFN

Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON

User

Posted 17 Mar 2015 at 00:45

Julie, sometimes I think you have absolutely no idea what a special person you are x

Steve, you sound brighter tonight but like me and Julie, you post far too late when you should be getting some sleep. Mo is a machine and runs on batteries

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User

Posted 17 Mar 2015 at 18:51

Hi,

Arrived home about thirty minutes ago feeling rather frustrated. Going to have a bath and eat then sleep, feeling really tired after spending four days in bed, amazingly.

I'll give more details later.

Steve

User

Posted 18 Mar 2015 at 11:36

Steve

I hope you are feeling a bit brighter this morning. Maybe I should lend you my batteries? I am not convinced I run on them entirely Lyn?!!

I am going to be travelling in a few days time and for a while Steve, so will only be checking in as and when I can.

I thought I would also let you know that I have signed up as a volunteer with PCUK for the study they are doing on SCC, you may recall all the issues Mick had when he had 2 incidents. I hope that all the events and issues I can remember so vividly will help others who are unfortunate enough to suffer an SCC.

I am telling you this as you may find with time on your hands that you might want to do some voluntary work, something that you can do from home with not too much physical effort. It does not bring money into the house but it can make you feel so much better about yourself and in some cases it can open doors of opportunity.

all the best

User

Posted 18 Mar 2015 at 22:00

Hi Steve,
Just wanted to say glad to hear you are back home. Catch up with us all on the forum in your own time, and in the mean time take things easy, no pressure and be kind to yourself.....
Miss x

User

Posted 19 Mar 2015 at 08:11

Steve

Hope you're getting on OK at home, getting the physical and emotional support you need.

Paul

Stay Calm And Carry On.

User

Posted 19 Mar 2015 at 08:34

Hi,

Thanks. I will post and let you know what happened in hospital but I just feel too tired just now.

Hope everyone is well. I'm ok.

Steve

User

Posted 19 Mar 2015 at 11:44

Glad you are o.k. Take care xxx

User

Posted 21 Mar 2015 at 15:54

Hi,

Four months today since I had my heart attack.

That's a long time not to work but I am doing a shift for a newspaper tomorrow (with the Department of Work & Pension's approval under their permitted work scheme).

Be interesting to see how it goes.

Steve

User

Posted 21 Mar 2015 at 16:15

Steve

Good to see you back on here posting again.

Thanks Chris

User

Posted 21 Mar 2015 at 16:30

Excellent news - are you registered as self-employed with HMRC?

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User

Posted 21 Mar 2015 at 17:22

Hello Steve,
I've been on holiday for a week with no wifi access so I am wading through all the postings whilst I was away.
Sorry to see you were "attacked" again but glad that you are back home and if not quite "raring" to go at least prepared to try out a bit of shift work.

If it's a nono, then at least you'll know where you stand and at least you will have tried.

Good luck and fingers crossed for you.

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails

User

Posted 21 Mar 2015 at 17:38

Hi Lyn,

Thanks. No problem, I've been self employed for twenty years now.

A better Saturday than last week.

I will let everyone know what happened at hospital in due course. Not felt like writing too much in the last few days but I'm still a bit frustrated by the experience.

Steve x

User

Posted 21 Mar 2015 at 22:56

Hi Steve,

Glad to have you back with us again

Arthur

User

Posted 21 Mar 2015 at 23:30

Good luck Steve.

Chris.

User

Posted 22 Mar 2015 at 01:36

Hhm - I may have a little job for you and your camera at MOTS in June - I need some head & shoulder shots and a pretend audience :-0

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User

Posted 22 Mar 2015 at 18:26

Steve,

Did you get your boiler sorted out?

Did you get to speak to any financial management people about your situation?

Owning a house is nit the be-all-and-end-all, but depending on your mortgage position, time let to run LTV etc , there may be other options to explore before selling?

Just a thought?

dave

User

Posted 22 Mar 2015 at 18:47

Hi Dave,

Boiler replaced under a government scheme so we now have heating at last.

It's everything else. I miss the peaceful surroundings of the hospital, at least there were smiling faces around me.

Steve

User

Posted 22 Mar 2015 at 19:06

Some good news at last then Steve.

How are you all coping at home?

dave

User

Posted 22 Mar 2015 at 19:06

Dear Steve

I may be completely wrong (please forgive me if so) but I get the impression that you are not getting enough support at home?

If that is the case it is important that you keep posting here as we can all try to offer something, even if it is just for the sake of a chat and a moan!

I think we have all felt like you are feeling at times, but all handle matters differently, as we all have different sets of problems with the one common denominator being the PCa.

I wish I could win the lottery and then help you out of this financial mess, afterall we all have enough else to worry about!

I suppose I should at least buy a ticket then! :-)

Keep posting.

Alison x

User

Posted 24 Mar 2015 at 14:52

Hi,

Back online properly now.

I completed my Cardiac Rehab Sessions this morning. I was quite sad because there was a great social atmosphere there. Hopefully, I'm fitter now than I was before. I hope to do a follow up course that they organise to get you even fitter, hopefully it's a similar crowd attending those.

Now looking forward to my appointment with the cardiac consultant on Friday, hopefully to receive good news about my tests.

My rehab nurse said that my high blood pressure needs to be sorted out now, a problem since I was taken off my beta blockers. I hope that will be sorted on Friday.

Steve

User

Posted 24 Mar 2015 at 18:39

Steve

good to hear you sounding positive again ...

User

Posted 24 Mar 2015 at 18:56

Thanks Mo,

Hope you're having a nice holiday and the weather is good.

Steve x

User

Posted 24 Mar 2015 at 20:44

Nice to read you are back online Steve, and with heating! :-)

atb

dave

User

Posted 24 Mar 2015 at 22:21

Hi Steve

It's lovely to see your thinking more positive thoughts. Hope you continue to move onwards and upwards through your own special unique life.

The cardiac rehab crowd sound like a good lot, enjoy your fitness course.

lesley

User

Posted 24 Mar 2015 at 22:35

Wishing you all the best with your recovery.

User

Posted 24 Mar 2015 at 23:16

Steve

holiday has only just really begun after days of travelling and hanging around for flights, you know how it goes. It is not all holiday though I do have some jobs I need to get done.

Weather in the California desert is gorgeous and I am trying to take some photos that would pass your scrutiny!!!

Before I go to Florida I could do with borrowing some of your photos from Kennedy Space Centre? I will never get to capture that amazing scene you shot of the shuttle.

You really should put a few of them up on youtube I am sure they would help to bring you more work.

User

Posted 25 Mar 2015 at 00:36

Pleased to see that some things are being resolved - tiny steps are fine when they are heading the right way

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User

Posted 25 Mar 2015 at 01:27

Hi Mo,

I have posted some space pics on George's site.

I should have been using the time I'm had in recent months to sort out a lot of things but I find it difficult to find the energy or the motivation to do so. Fatigue is a real problem I'm experiencing.

Give my love to the USA.

Steve x

User

Posted 25 Mar 2015 at 01:32

Thanks Lyn,

I'm trying, but fatigue, lack of motivation sometimes gets in the way.

I think a return to regular work would help. The shift I did for the newspaper on Sunday seemed to go quite well.

Steve x

User

Posted 25 Mar 2015 at 07:44

Morning Steve,

Good news that the work went okay. What were you doing? Any more work in the offing?

How much sleep are you getting these days? You are up late posting most nights. Are you able to, or have you tried getting back in to a more regular sleep pattern? I understand the inability to sleep when feeling low, but exercise, even limited exercise, or at least establishing a regular sleep pattern may help you? Can your GP advise on how you could get more sleep or establish a better sleep pattern?

atb

dave

Edited by member 25 Mar 2015 at 07:49 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 26 Mar 2015 at 10:32

Hi Dave,

I have a few jobs booked on the diary including Election night on May 7th. I'm due to see my cardiac consultant on Friday morning who will review my recent test results and hopefully, will say I can return to work.

My normal sleep pattern before diagnosis of cancer was that I usually went to bed at about 2am and woke around 7 - 7.30am. I very often post quite late because I find it easier to write then, when I can focus on what I want to say without any other distractions.

In the last few months, I have felt extreme tiredness most of the time. Everything I do makes me feel very tired, even after a couple of hours, I just feel as if I want to have a sleep. Whether it's a combination of the heart medications and the side effects of Zoladex, I don't know, but it's having a great effect on my desire to do anything or make any plans for the future. When I was in hospital last week I slept most of the time to the point where the nurses made me sit in my chair rather than lay in bed. I had a very uncomfortable day trying to sleep with my head resting on my bedside table.

I know that exercise can help with fatigue and I always go for a walk at least once a day. I usually manage about 25 miles a week. Up until last Tuesday, I was doing my twice weekly cardiac rehab exercise classes to so it's not that I'm taking too little exercise.

Hopefully, tomorrow should answer a few questions when I see the consultant. Whatever happens, I'm almost certain I will try to work as from Monday, if I can get any. What I have on the diary at the moment, won't be enough to survive on as my benefits will stop on Sunday.

Steve

User

Posted 26 Mar 2015 at 10:48

Morning Steve,

Good news that there is more work coming in. Hopefully that will lead on to more work in due course?

But only 5 hours sleep a night! But if that's what works for you, good for you. And good news that you are exercising regularly.

Let's hope that you get good news from the consultant tomorrow?

atb

dave

User

Posted 26 Mar 2015 at 11:16

Hi Dave,

That was my norm before diagnosis. I sleep all the time now.

Steve

User

Posted 26 Mar 2015 at 11:43

OOPS!

Got it now. Sorry. I do understand the constant need for sleep so I know how hard it is to overcome that desire or the body's need for sleep sleep sleep. Actually impossible sometimes, best to give in and not fight it.

atb

dave

User

Posted 27 Mar 2015 at 11:33

Hi,

Just seen my cardiac consultant, feeling happier as I have a much better idea of my situation now.

Will post details later when I'm at home.

Steve

User

Posted 27 Mar 2015 at 17:27

Soundind positive,Steve Excellent.

Stay Calm And Carry On.

User

Posted 28 Mar 2015 at 08:30

Hi,

Saw a cardiac consultant yesterday for my post angioplasty review. I feel happy now that at least I know what the situation is. It was the not knowing that I was uncomfortable with. The uncertainty.

Basically what I was told was that I suffer regular eptopics (extra heart beats), which results in my heart beating before it has properly filled with blood. This is not ideal but my normal heartbeats ensure that the heart does receive the blood it needs. The eptopics were clearly shown on the results of the 24hr monitor I had.

She decided that I needed to go back on the beta blockers again even though they caused me low blood pressure and heart rate problems. I talked about my dizziness and breathlessness and she said it was something I was going to have to adjust my lifestyle to live with. It was more important that I continued with my medications to avoid another heart attack. I told her about the kneeling, the ladder climbing and the general active nature of my job and she said that it was something that I would have to decide if I could continue to do this. Listening to what my body was telling me was her best advice. She was pleased with the level of the walking I was doing, not so happy about to idea of me running a half marathon just yet, but felt I should build up to it gradually.

She agreed with my other consultant that another angiogram (slit wrist, tube up the artery into heart) just after Christmas would be a good idea, just to see how things we're going. Also they will review the results of my Echo stress test that I'm due to have at the end of April but she way happy for me to return to work if I thought I was able.

She said that damage had been caused to the heart during my attack and it will never be as good as it once was, but I was fortunate that it was not far worse. So I feel lucky that it can still do it's job even if it limits what I might want to do.

Being here for my family and friends is the most important thing to me right now.

Steve

Edited by member 28 Mar 2015 at 09:09 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 28 Mar 2015 at 10:54

Steve

Glad to see that at least some of your issues are heading in the right direction.

Thanks Chris

User

Posted 28 Mar 2015 at 12:19

Steve, Good to get some answers. Hope life picks up for you from now on.

User

Posted 28 Mar 2015 at 13:26

Hi Steve,

I'm so glad you finally have your answers.
There is nothing worse than being in the dark.
All that does is stress the hell out of us.

By the way, I'm sure that if you listen to your body it will say 'Don't you dare to a half marathon!'.
Call me a lazy old so-and-so if you like (and a lot do), but I think too much exercise is bad for us.
That's my excuse for never doing anything more than a walk.

Stay well,

See you in June (and you won't need ladders!),

George

B2PCa

User

Posted 28 Mar 2015 at 14:23

Hi Steve , Glad that you have some answers at last and that you are listening to your consultant. After all they have a lot more training than us... Hope the financial problems are not insurmountable as you say being here is the most important thing for your family. ATB,El.

User

Posted 29 Mar 2015 at 07:28

Hi,

We went to our son's 30th. Birthday party last night. Really nice.

Good to chat with friends I'd made on my son's stag weekend in Latvia early last year.

That was my chance to feel young again before my world was turned upside down with my PCa diagnosis.

Steve

User

Posted 29 Mar 2015 at 22:06

Hi,

Been reflecting today on my son's 30th. Birthday party last night.

I thought how nice it would be if I saw all my children reach their 30th and share in the celebrations with them. My youngest has just had her 15th. birthday so that would mean I would have another 15 years.

I think, how wonderful it would be if I was lucky enough to have that time, given my present circumstances.

Steve

User

Posted 30 Mar 2015 at 01:11

Steve, we all have things we aspire to and targets to aim for. My brother died young and I often wish that he had seen his children reach their 3rd and 4th birthday respectively, let alone their 15th or 30th. If i had a wish for John it would be that he sees all his children married and settled rather than a particular age, I think.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User

Posted 30 Mar 2015 at 02:34

Hi Lyn,

I'm really sorry to hear your brother died so young, it makes my wish for another 15 years seem rather selfish.

I suppose I'm still trying to get used to a new way of looking at my life now.

This time last year, before diagnosis, I couldn't see anything preventing me from being around that long for my family. I still hope I make it to that goal, but if I don't (and I've said this before), I will be perfectly satisfied with the life I've had.

Steve

Edited by member 30 Mar 2015 at 02:36 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 30 Mar 2015 at 07:16

Hi Steve,

Good to be thinking positively after all you've been through.

High aspirations = high achievements

Arthur

User

Posted 30 Mar 2015 at 10:23

Hi Arthur,

I'll have to try and act on my positive thoughts while they're here. I find it so easy to be knocked off course by some bad news sometimes.

Steve

User

Posted 30 Mar 2015 at 17:16

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

Hi Lyn,

I'm really sorry to hear your brother died so young, it makes my wish for another 15 years seem rather selfish.

I suppose I'm still trying to get used to a new way of looking at my life now.

Steve

Steve, you don't have anything to apologise for and I certainly don't believe you have a selfish bone in your body - I think we all want to live forever and generally, the people who do not fear death are those who are suffering unimaginable loss, those with poor quality of life, the lonely and those whose illness or treatment is unbearable. I think of my lovely father-in-law who had the most amazing life and then decided that he was tired - at 83 he could see not only his children settled but also his grandchildren all sorted and he just felt it was time to go. I hope I am like him :-)

Edited by member 30 Mar 2015 at 17:18 | Reason: Not specified

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

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