Advanced prostat cancer part 2

User

Posted 29 Oct 2017 at 22:51

You know that we are and always will be your crutch though i suspect that you prefer to manage by yourself.

Life is so hard for you all at the moment and is likely to get worse. There isn't anything we can do to help apart from be here for you. I'm one hundred percent certain that if it was just a matter of everyone sending you positive vibes to lift you all, you'd be sky high now with the speed of the response.

~Instead of which we watch and wait with you and send you virtual hugs and the warmth of our caring..

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails

User

Posted 29 Oct 2017 at 23:11

All my thoughts are with you Julie - I hope as you do that Trevor can simply be at peace and that you are able to be with him when he finally stops fighting. A friend sent me this poem after Tony died. It's by Raymond Carver who had cancer and was written shortly before his death as a tribute to his wife. When I was full of useless guilt about what I had and hadn't done she reminded me that I had been the best there could possibly be for him, and that he absolutely knew that he was loved. That's all that matters in the end and if ever a man was loved and cared for and fought for and supported and comforted, it's Trevor. You have been and are extraordinary - for him and for us all. Love and hugs to all of you, Ruth xxx

Late Fragment

And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?

I did.

And what did you want?

To call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth.

User

Posted 30 Oct 2017 at 08:49

Thinking of you all, Julie, and wishing for sufficient pain relief for Trevor, and as much calm as possible. You are right we all deal with these times differently in our own ways. Look after you, these are exhausting days physically and mentally, for you all, Love Janet, x

User

Posted 30 Oct 2017 at 17:35

Dearest Julie. Like all on here I am so so sad to read your last updates. I have many times on reading your posts been in awe of your strength, your capacity and determination to fight for your man and your relentless and unconditional love for Trevor. The greatest comfort for me when Graham died was that he did so peacefully in my arms, his hands cradled in the hands of his children being told he was and would always be loved by us all. I wish for you and your boys that Trevor’s journey is pain free and peaceful and that you also find some comfort in the certain knowledge that you were the greatest most supportive and loving person he could ever have and that, as the poem that Ruth sent said, that he knew for certain that he was truly loved on this earth, you made sure of that and that is your lasting gift to Trevor. I can see by all the posts to you Julie that you too are greatly loved and respected by your friends on this forum and I hope you find strength and comfort from this at this very difficult time.
Much love and respect
Yvonne

User

Posted 30 Oct 2017 at 19:31

Oh Guys ,

So D day has turned into another wait , some of his bloods have improved and some are worse so the Wiz wants to extend the deadline to Wed she has changed the Aunty Bs and said let’s try for a few more days partly because he rallied last time.

He is still asleep most of the time he does open his eyes and acknowledge that I am there but then drifts back into sleep. They tried to feed him soft food , soup and ice cream but he wasn’t alert enough to eat he hasn’t eaten since Sat 21st.

I am struggling with this decision for me at the moment this is just dragging out the inevitable the way I see it even IF and it’s such a big IF they manage to bring him back when he finds out that all cancer treatment has been stopped he will just give in anyway.

He is unable to swallow so can’t take any of his heart meds .

I am feeling so overwhelmed at the moment maybe it’s just me but it doesn’t make sense to continue with the antibiotics to bring him back for a few weeks knowing that he has so little time anyway.

BFN

Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON

User

Posted 30 Oct 2017 at 20:30

Hi Julie

Must be impossible to think straight under the circumstances - and given 4-years-worth of anxiety and exhaustion piling up - but I do agree with you. Are you able to talk to the Wiz about it? Maybe she's just assuming that you will both want to keep on fighting since that's what she has seen you do over and over again.

Our consultant kept encouraging us to keep going until eventually she realised that Tony had absolutely had enough; she really supported us with that decision once she understood it. It's a rock and a hard place and neither decision will be an easy one of course but I hope that common sense prevails. You have both been through enough.

Will be thinking of you lovely lady and sending love and hugs and a shed-load of comfort-blankets.

Ruth xxx

User

Posted 30 Oct 2017 at 20:45

Is he only having antibiotics? If so, that may be more about keeping him comfortable for the time that is remaining - uncontrolled infection could cause unnecessary discomfort and distress? I don't think ABs could keep T with you for longer than his body can bear.

I know what old friends would be telling you - Alathays would say that the fat lady isn't singing yet, Topgun would offer to lock her in the cellar but Spurspark and Nimeniton would say let her sing, the music may be very beautiful.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User

Posted 30 Oct 2017 at 21:03

Julie, no one can give you the right answers as there is none in this situation. You can only follow your instincts which have always served you so well. As Lyn suggests he is not on treatment at the moment just care to make him comfortable. I hope you get chance to talk with him again. It’s a long road and we know the end comes at some point. If this is it, I so hope he goes with as little pain as possible, knowing you could not have done more to support him. I am thinking of you both and your family, it’s so so hard. Your friend Paul

User

Posted 31 Oct 2017 at 01:58

Hi Julie & Trevor,

I just wanted to send my love to the two of you. You are both remarkable people who haven't deserved any of what life's thrown at you. I wish I knew how I could help.

Your strength has helped me through difficult times and I feel I should be able to help you more. I just wanted to let you know I care.

Steve xx

User

Posted 31 Oct 2017 at 06:29

I hope no one finds this inappropriate, 3 years ago when I was diagnosed Trevor's story was one of the first I latched onto. Trevor gave me hope and I used to (I still do) hope I am a tenth as strong as Trevor as my cancer develops.

Julie has been such an angel and fought so hard for Trevor, and like a few others on the forum been here for everyone when they need it.

I watched my mum die of alchzeimers and towards the end she was I imagine like Trevor is now in part, my family made the choice to make what was left as pain free and short for my mum as the doctors could allow.

Reading about Trevor brings tears to my eyes, when I am unable to post and should my wife ever join the forum please tell her fast and pain free is the way for me when I am where Trevor is. I am sure that I speak for others on this forum that we will support you Julie if any difficult decision has to be made.

I wish Trevor and you peace now and spiritually peace in eternity.

Thinking of you constantly

Kev

Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019

User

Posted 31 Oct 2017 at 09:59

Oh Julie

I haven’t been on the forum for a while as John is doing ok and we needed to live a little more normally. I am so sorry to hear this latest update from you, the forum emergency fund is available for you, just say the word. You have been an absolute lioness for your man, but you remain one of the most realistic people I know. Your boys need you now Julie. Hugs and love from me

Devonmaid xxx

User

Posted 31 Oct 2017 at 17:12

Although I don’t comment much on this amazing site, ( As I can’t always find the words to articulate what I want to say or feel I have the knowledge to offer sound advice ) I just want you to know you, Trevor and your family are in my thoughts and prayers

Thinking of you
Viv
X

The only time you should look back is to see how far you have come

User

Posted 31 Oct 2017 at 17:18

Stay strong, Julie, you have fought like a tigress and can have no regrets about all you have done. Nobody could have done more. I hope it all ends peacefully for you both.

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 07:27

Julie,

There is nothing I can say that will make it any easier for you and the boys. Have faith in the Wiz he/she has served you well. We are all thinking and praying for you and Trevor.

With love

Molly xx

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 20:01

Trevor

The Man

The Myth

The Legend

Has left the building.

BFN

Julie X

NEVER LAUGH AT A LIVE DRAGON

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 20:05

Julie I’m so very sorry for your loss, You and your family will be in my prayers tonight

Bless you all
Viv
X

The only time you should look back is to see how far you have come

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 20:07

Oh Julie. I weep for you. You both tried so so hard. I hope I can be as brave as you and Trevor.

All my love,

David

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 20:19

So sad, sincere condolences.

Stu

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 20:21

Julie and children
I am so so sorry for your loss.
Try and stay strong lovely girl. Your boys need you. XX

We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 20:25

I am so very very sorry to hear this awful news. Please accept my sincerest condolences at this sad time. You and your family will be in my thoughts tonight.

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 20:28

No man could have been more loved. He left the building knowing that his boys were in safe hands.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 20:29

My sincere condolences to you and your family Julie..

I don't contribute much on here these days ....but I've always followed Trevor and your journey.
I've been completely in awe of both of you with your resilience and determination through all of this..

What a man!...What a wife!

Take care .. God bless

Luther x

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 20:41

Julie

No man had a better wife. I am so sorry but I am hoping that you and your boys will cope.

With more Love than I can say

Devonmaid xxx

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 20:41

I am so very sorry for your loss. I have followed your posts since joining this community and you have been a true inspiration.

Sincere condolences to you and your family.

Kevan

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 20:42

Oh Julie both Lesley and me are so very sorry to hear this.
Sending you and your lovely boys our deepest condolences and a massive virtual (((((((hug)))))))). Nobody could have done more for their OH than you have

Love Bri and Lesley xxx

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 21:34

I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. I wasn’t on here long or often but did read your posts and admire how strong you both are. I feel so heavy in the heart tonight reading this.

You have both touched the souls of many xx

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 21:37

I am so sorry to read of your families loss, my thoughts are with you all.

Kev

Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 21:47

Julie
May I send my most sincerest condolences. Haven't been on line for a few months but glad I have dropped in today to be able to send you my love.
Lesley xxxx

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 21:55

Even though it was heading this way it is always a shock when it happens. Your man has suffered so much but he is now at peace. It is such a sad night, Little to say at this time. I read this recently which fits so well first said by the13th-century poet Rumi: "'Life is a balance between holding on and letting go' - 'Today you are letting go'' RIP Trevor.

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 22:02

So sorry Julie. My thoughts are with you and the boys tonight. You and Trevor have been simply extraordinary - a lesson in how life should be lived.

All my love

Ruth

xxx

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 22:10

My thoughts are with you and the boys. Much love.

Ulsterman

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 22:16

I am so very sorry Julie. You have both fought so hard. Do make sure you treat yourself gently over the coming days and weeks. Much love to you and your boys

Rosy x

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 22:20

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

"'Life is a balance between holding on and letting go' - 'Today you are letting go''

Paul, that is beautiful

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 22:23

Julie

So sorry to hear of your loss, please accept my sincere condolences.

Love to you and the boys.

Thanks Chris

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 22:30

I'm so sorry Julie. Hug those boys of yours and take comfort from knowing you stayed by Trevor's side and took every step of the journey with him. He knew he was loved and that's such a blessing. Nichola x

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 22:37

Julie

This is such sad news I remember joining this forum nearly five years ago with a crap diagnosis totally lost and a couple of months later along came you, you made me laugh and at times cry mostly from laughing to much everything just seemed that little bit better

I so remember your post about the train journey never thought the time would come when our journeys would part

The whole family send there love to you James and Zack xx

Don't deny the diagnosis; try to defy the verdict

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 22:41

Hi Julie,

I know I don't know you but have read your story and this news has me in tears.

Please accept my condolences, your love for Trevor shone through your posts.

So so sorry

Clare

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 23:32

Julie, I’m so very very sad for you all, our heartfelt prayers and thoughts in your very sad loss.

I still have time to add his name to our All Souls Service list for prayers for next Sunday, RIP Trevor.

Edited by member 01 Nov 2017 at 23:57 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 01 Nov 2017 at 23:35

Dear Julie and your boys - sending you all love. I'm so sorry xx

User

Posted 02 Nov 2017 at 06:49

That is such sad news

"Incurable cancer does not mean it is untreatable and does not mean it is terminal either"

User

Posted 02 Nov 2017 at 07:10

Julie so sorry for your sad news , my thoughts are with you and your family xxxxx

User

Posted 02 Nov 2017 at 07:40

Julie,

I'm so sorry hear of Trevor's passing.

Words can't express how I feel just now. Sorry.

Steve xx

User

Posted 02 Nov 2017 at 09:03

I am so sorry Julie my thoughts and prayers are with you and your boys. RIP Trevor you fought so hard with a wonderful wife by your side. God bless xxx

User

Posted 02 Nov 2017 at 09:29

So sorry to hear this. You and Trevor have been an inspiration to me. Take care Julie

User

Posted 02 Nov 2017 at 09:31

Dear Julie so very sad to hear the news. Trevor may have left the building but he will always be in your heart.
Tom xxx

User

Posted 02 Nov 2017 at 10:34

Julie,
So sorry to read this. Lots of love.

User

Posted 02 Nov 2017 at 10:45

Julie I simply don’t know what to say. I have tears in my eyes and a lead heart I’m hurting for you so much. Hold those boys oh so tightly.
Rest peacefully Trevor x

User

Posted 02 Nov 2017 at 10:47

Sorry to hear this sad news. I hope you will find peace in the coming days

Arthur

User

Posted 02 Nov 2017 at 10:53

Julie
I'm so sorry to hear of Trevor's passing.
You both fought so hard for so long. I don't think you could have done any more.
My heartfelt sympathies for your loss

Paul

User

Posted 02 Nov 2017 at 10:55

Julie

So very sad to read this. Just lost for further words.

Ray

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