Here I am, 2am and I have the insomniacs again, wide awake!! Even though I’ve got to be up for an early dentist appointment tomorrow I’ve thought “sod it! I’ll get up for a brew”.
So I got up and went into the kitchen where the dogs are fast asleep, and they’ve been farting their heads off and the place stinks! Defo not going to use the gas hob!
It has been the normal pattern, I fell asleep after a bit of reading but then woke up after a couple of hours burning up in a HT induced hot sweat and then not able to return to the land of nod.
I tried my usual techniques which pretty much are akin to counting sheep. I start by thinking of all my old girl friends and then beginning at A go through the alphabet.
You’re allowed to include even the briefest of “frissons” to get you through some letters. I even include one lass who I used to fancy like mad but she was well out of my league, and then one Christmas Eve, out of the blue, I was standing at the bar and then there she was, I had chance to chat her up and we flirted all afternoon, it was brill, I was on cloud nine for the rest of the Christmas holiday on the back of the fact that she, this goddess actually talked to me, nothing came of it of course but she counts under K.
Some letters I’m really stuck on like D, surely I must have had a dalliance with a Debs, Diane or Dot at some point when p****d up on a New Years Eve or somewhere? Mind you some letters are easy, I seem to have done really well with J, although A isn’t bad. I always laugh when I drive down to Norwich there’s a roadside cafe with a big sign saying “Angies Big Baps”, the Angie for my A would have appreciated that.
Another technique is to go through all the best nights out I’ve had or just best times or outings. You know any of those rare occasions where time seems to slow down or even stop. I remember finally clicking with this lass in my early days at Uni, one magical night I walked her home from the disco in town, staggering slowly along it took forever, gazing up at the stars, impressing her by pointing out the plough and the big W. That puts me in a happy place unfortunately though it hasn’t worked as I’m still awake.
My thoughts did stray a bit as they often do and I began wondering what the beer might be like in heaven. Would they even have beer in heaven? Perhaps your contentment being in heaven will be such that there is no need for beer or even any thought of it? Perhaps we are ahead of the game here and in heaven they have the equivalent of a virtual beer with perhaps virtual football? And then if they have heavenly football would they still get away with the Keir Starmer chant up there? Questions, questions, questions! Still doesn’t get me to sleep.
Right I’m going back in, let’s give it another go. This time I’m going to go through my favourite places, starting with A. Which I could tie in with my list of girlfriends. Edinburgh springs to mind but then that isn’t A. I think for A it has got to be Annecy in France and I can tie that with one of my C’s, happy days.
What a load of mumbo jumbo, sorry chaps - have a good day!
Salute
SpongeBob