Family

It's most certainly not a daft question. It troubled me, and I went to talk with my Macmillan nurse about it.

What I decided suited me but probably wouldn't suit most people.

I decided that I needed time to come to grips with my diagnosis before I could handle the emotional side of telling anyone else. I could handle myself OK at this stage, but I didn't have the reserve capacity to support someone else having a breakdown on me. So I waited until I had sufficient diagnosis to know my prognosis, and I had learned enough to answer any question I was likely to be asked.

This turned out to be right for me. I know this because after I thought I knew my prognosis and had broken the news to the family, the medics changed their minds and put me back in for more tests. Then I had family calling me the moment I left the consulting room for news, and I couldn't handle that - I really did need time to digest what I'd been told and to look up what some of the procedures were before I was ready to tell other people, so I ended up not saying when my consultations were.

Most people will want the emotional support from a partner in the consulting room, hoping that one of you keeps a sufficiently level head to actually remember what you are told. Maybe you both spend a little time getting that clear in your heads before you tell more people? This really is up to you.

After telling family members (and later friends too), I would occasionally mention it again and even joke about it, really just to make it clear I was happy to talk about it more if they wanted to.

I know it doesn't apply in your case, but when teenage or younger children are involved, Macmillan publish some excellent advice on handling telling children, and what they are likely to understand at each age.

Edited by member 07 Dec 2019 at 13:06  | Reason: Not specified

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" (Dao De Jing) This saying teaches that even the longest and most difficult ventures have a starting point; something which begins with one first step.

Your first step has to be getting the biopsy results. Neither you nor your family can move forward until then.

We have all been where you are and there are no easy answers. However crazy it sounds, try not to think about it until you have more information.

Through worry and speculation lies misery.

If you must contemplate the unknown then look at the “toolkit” which you can find in the “publications” section of the homepage. You can also ring the specialist nurses in the “Get support” area, they are so knowledgeable and helpful.

Good luck and let us know how you get on. We are here in great numbers and with lots of experience.

It was certainly not a daft question!

Phil

Hi Chris

Welcome to the website that no one wanted to join. As said before, nothing is really known before the Biopsy results. I have no children but I did take my Wife to the "Results Meeting" at the Urology Dept. It came as quite a shock to me when I heard that I had PCa. In the back of my head I felt that they must be wrong as this should not happen to me. I really did not take it all in, however my Wife did and that was the start of a journey together.

I let friends know about a month after my surgery and most did not really understand. I am quite vocal now to a lot of my Male friends so they get themselves checked out.

Wishing you all the best

Thank you 

Thanks Kev, 

Humour as always been a defensive mechanism for me lol

We learned the diagnosis during the festive period, nine years ago, but waited a while to tell our adult children. They accepted it with a bit of shock and now I keep them up to date as treatments change. Some friends know but even now, not all do. We tend to just get on with things as normally as possible. It takes quite a time to absorb the information given and I always attend consultations so that we both know what is going on. Good luck and you will know when the time is right to share with people and especially the children. Even as they grow up there is a tendency to protect them and we only say what we feel they need to know. Some stuff is too personal to share with anyone.

Good luck and all the best anyway