Struggling

Hello Tetsie, I am really sorry to see your post. A man on here once wrote a really moving post about how the HT impacted on him - he described the loss of libido as looking at his wife's lovely bum and feeling just the same as if he was looking at a lump of concrete. What was beautiful about his stories was that it was clear his heart was still full of love for her; it was just the bit of his brain that talks to his genitals that wasn't working.

You know in your heart that it isn't personal, I think and I am sure that he doesn't have a better time without you but it may be that being diagnosed with incurable cancer and worrying about how you will cope when he is gone makes him sad. Some men on here in the past have posted that they worry their wives will want to leave them because they can't have sex.

Lots of men find they are much more emotional on HT; it is the female hormones kicking in I guess. All you can do is keep reassuring him that you live him and that holding hands and being caring towards each other is enough. You may not always feel it is but your situation is unlikely to change and understanding that this is not your fault any more than it is his may give you some peace of mind.

Hi Tetsie
I’m Chris J’s wife and I’ve sent you a pm. Good advice from the wise ladies above. This journey is tumultuous and I think the enormity of the emotional fallout takes everyone by surprise. You are continually problem solving. This might be stating the obvious but there are three components I think - you as an individual, your husband as an individual and you both as a couple. Each needs tlc and support for different reasons. Naming and breaking the darker emotions down - fear, grief, panic, sadness, frustration to name a few - can help understanding to forge a way forward as a unit xx

One step at a time Tetsie.

As long as you can communicate in some way then you are half way there.

Just don't let those feelings build up